Dunestorm Myth - Revision history

Doorbell3200Washcloth0957 at 08:34, 15 April 2026

2026-04-15T08:34:47Z

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	Raxus' visor remained trained on Keith.		Raxus' visor remained trained on Keith.

	"When's the last time you heard from [[~~Director Phobos~~\|Director Phovus]], Keith?" asked Raxus, his body rigid.		"When's the last time you heard from [[Phovus\|Director Phovus]], Keith?" asked Raxus, his body rigid.

	Keith cocked an eyebrow.		Keith cocked an eyebrow.

Doorbell3200Washcloth0957: 44 revisions imported

2026-04-07T06:53:30Z

44 revisions imported

← Older revision	Revision as of 16:53, 7 April 2026
(No difference)

w:c:the-rick-hernia-omniverse>Fabafaba32 at 06:23, 15 October 2023

2023-10-15T06:23:03Z

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	But Rick looked to Keith, and Keith looked to Rick, and the two grinned, thoroughly charred and damaged, and held their hands in what they assumed to be their last moments.		But Rick looked to Keith, and Keith looked to Rick, and the two grinned, thoroughly charred and damaged, and held their hands in what they assumed to be their last moments.

			Rick gave Keith's hand a squeeze, and raised his middle finger up to his best friend, before exhaling, one last time, and letting go, once again, of his corporeal form, just as he had all those years ago in [[Battle of Alexandria\|Alexandria]]. His body exploded into glorious metaphysical energy; Legumish flames wrapping themselves around Keith and healing his wounds, imbuing him with incredible energy. And Keith, despite the awesome power of the black hole, tore away from it's gravitational pull, spiraling outward at 10x the speed of light, the Legume's energies alone coursing through his body and veins. This, dear reader, was [[Keith Cumshoes' Legumish Incarnate]]. He was surrounded in Legumish fire, breathing and living the Omniverse itself, and rocketed across space to [[Ghetsin 3]], where he crash-landed in a crater, outside of the [[Temple of Rannjoe]]. The Warshippers found Keith; but they also found Rick, and quietly brought the two back inside, nursing them back to health.

			== Epilogue ==
			When Director Phovus returned, he informed Inspector [[Ellis]] that Keith and he had both narrowly escaped the explosion of Keith's Pulsar. Phovus flamed the Inspector for sending them both to their deaths. Director Phovus was quoted as having said, "If [[Rick Hernia]] ever meets you, you're going to be one sorry fucker". When asked whether he had discovered the origins of who had killed the men at Dunestorm Fortress, Phovus replied, "No, I had no idea, and the star exploded before I could properly conduct any research. Inspector Ellis is a [REDACTED] [REDACTED] piece of Mopplesnoff [REDACTED]. "

			As if things couldn't have gotten any more rotten, however, the Mummy, basing his claims on absolutely no evidence, and having not spoken to [[Director Phobos\|Phovus]] at all since the latter's return, declared to his cabinet that the Combine was 'almost certainly' behind this attempt on [[Director Phobos\|Phovus]] and [[Keith Cumshoes\|Keith]]'s lives. Hence, Mummy's cabinet and WATO began privately preparing for war- and 9 years later, on the 20,000th anniversary of the [[Waifurian Empire]]'s official creation, [[Joe Biden (Disambigaution)\|Joe Biden]] declared war once again on the [[Combine\|Combine Empire]], kickstarting a costly, unnecessary and disastrous [[Great META War 2\|Second Great META War]]. Rick Hernia was a major player in this conflict, despite his revelations on [[Septigia]], prompting many Omniversal Historians to question a great many details about the 'Chosen One's character.

			A conspiracy theory did exist that the [[Waifurian Empire]] orchestrated the collapse of Keith's Pulsar for political reasons, however, we are not at liberty to confirm nor deny these reports.

	[[Category:Events]]		[[Category:Events]]

w:c:the-rick-hernia-omniverse>Fabafaba32 at 06:06, 15 October 2023

2023-10-15T06:06:09Z

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	Suddenly, the pulsar's light was sucked away; and the pulsar itself was sucked away, and all of the surrounding light was sucked down the drain of the black hole that had once been Keith's Pulsar. and Keith Cumshoes and Rick Hernia felt their atoms being tugged toward this black hole; watching as massive chunks of [[Septigia]] were strung out and spaghettified, swallowed by the Black Hole before them.		Suddenly, the pulsar's light was sucked away; and the pulsar itself was sucked away, and all of the surrounding light was sucked down the drain of the black hole that had once been Keith's Pulsar. and Keith Cumshoes and Rick Hernia felt their atoms being tugged toward this black hole; watching as massive chunks of [[Septigia]] were strung out and spaghettified, swallowed by the Black Hole before them.

			But Rick looked to Keith, and Keith looked to Rick, and the two grinned, thoroughly charred and damaged, and held their hands in what they assumed to be their last moments.



	[[Category:Events]]		[[Category:Events]]

w:c:the-rick-hernia-omniverse>Fabafaba32 at 06:03, 15 October 2023

2023-10-15T06:03:34Z

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 "Four times?" Keith asked, swinging once more, but letting his blade fall to the ground, heavy, "Damn. I actually- wow, I actually kind of respect that. I never caught you either."
-Rick nodded. "Yeah, she was pregnant, too."  Rick's arms went limp,  and he stared at the sky in marvel as the outer layers of [[Septigia]]'s atmosphere began to boil off, and the pulsar was spinning so fast that it didn't seem to be spinning at all. It was shrinking, too, shrinking but growing ever brighter.
+Rick nodded. "Yeah, she was pregnant, too."  Rick's arms went limp,  and he stared at the sky in wonder as the outer layers of [[Septigia]]'s atmosphere began to boil off, and the pulsar was spinning so fast that it didn't seem to be spinning at all. It was shrinking, too, but growing ever brighter.
-"She was pregnant?" Keith collapsed against the base's wall, watching the dunes in the valley turn orange and melt into a sea of glass, "What do you mean?"
+"She was pregnant?" Keith collapsed against the base's wall, watching the dunes in the valley turn orange and melt into a sea of glass, "When was she pregant?"
-Rick giggled. "She was pregnant, you know, before the bombing. Before that, she was pregnant. And I was going to have to tell you that I got your wife pregnant - but then she fucking died."
+Rick giggled. "She was pregnant, you know, before she died. After you guy split up, when she lived on the Moon. Before that, she was pregnant. And I was going to have to tell you that I got your ex-wife pregnant - but then she fucking died."
 [[Category:Events]]

w:c:the-rick-hernia-omniverse>Fabafaba32 at 05:51, 15 October 2023

2023-10-15T05:51:02Z

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	"You owe me tooth fairy money, bitch," Keith grumbled, lunging at Rick. Rick dodged Keith's attacks, parrying his blade, and the two were locked in an intricate dance as they dueled over the singed corpses of [[M.T.O.\|MTO]] soldiers. Another wave of solar flare exploded off of the star, this one more intense, and the planet was lit up with a brilliant white light; twice as bright as high noon on Earth. Keith's skin began to literally burn off, and he stumbled, catching Rick's blade in with his own. He took a deep breath and launched another volley of swings at Rick, chopping messily at any weak point he could possibly get. Rick effortlessly parried Keith's attacks, but even he was beginning to sweat under the intense solar heat. The upper atmosphere was glowing an unnatural yellow.		"You owe me tooth fairy money, bitch," Keith grumbled, lunging at Rick. Rick dodged Keith's attacks, parrying his blade, and the two were locked in an intricate dance as they dueled over the singed corpses of [[M.T.O.\|MTO]] soldiers. Another wave of solar flare exploded off of the star, this one more intense, and the planet was lit up with a brilliant white light; twice as bright as high noon on Earth. Keith's skin began to literally burn off, and he stumbled, catching Rick's blade in with his own. He took a deep breath and launched another volley of swings at Rick, chopping messily at any weak point he could possibly get. Rick effortlessly parried Keith's attacks, but even he was beginning to sweat under the intense solar heat. The upper atmosphere was glowing an unnatural yellow.

			"You wanna know a secret?" Rick asked, breathing heavy and squinting as the pulsar's heat enveloped the dunes, "I fucked Jezebel."

			"You WHAT!?!?!?!" Keith bellowed, furious, hacking at his best friend, although the two's fierce duel was becoming more of an art form than an attempt to maim each other.

			"Yeah," Rick lit his blade ablaze with Legumish flame and swung it at Rick, "I fucked her four times."

			"Four times?" Keith asked, swinging once more, but letting his blade fall to the ground, heavy, "Damn. I actually- wow, I actually kind of respect that. I never caught you either."

			Rick nodded. "Yeah, she was pregnant, too." Rick's arms went limp, and he stared at the sky in marvel as the outer layers of [[Septigia]]'s atmosphere began to boil off, and the pulsar was spinning so fast that it didn't seem to be spinning at all. It was shrinking, too, shrinking but growing ever brighter.

			"She was pregnant?" Keith collapsed against the base's wall, watching the dunes in the valley turn orange and melt into a sea of glass, "What do you mean?"

			Rick giggled. "She was pregnant, you know, before the bombing. Before that, she was pregnant. And I was going to have to tell you that I got your wife pregnant - but then she fucking died."

	[[Category:Events]]		[[Category:Events]]

w:c:the-rick-hernia-omniverse>Fabafaba32 at 05:43, 15 October 2023

2023-10-15T05:43:23Z

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	"I don't want to fight you, Rick," Keith lamented, "I can't fight you."		"I don't want to fight you, Rick," Keith lamented, "I can't fight you."

	Rick rose to his feet, blood caking his forehead, and sneered. "Then stop fighting me."		Rick rose to his feet, blood caking his forehead, and sneered. "Then stop fighting!"

			Rick held his hand out and swirled it about, summoning a brilliant green volley of fireballs, which he launched at Keith. The fireballs exploded and melted the sand when they hit; the pulsar hit some of them mid-air, sending globs of molten glass once again onto Keith's suit and weighing him down. Keith winced as the glass melted into his skin, holding his blade ready. He sliced several of Rick's balls in half. Keith lept over Rick, flying through the air and landing on the exterior wall of Fort Dunestorm. He closed his eyes and concentrated once again on the Legume, picturing the [[Temple of Rannjoe]]- and summoned a Legume Atronach from the dust, siccing it on Rick. Keith lept away and headed into the fortress, hoping Rick might stay preocuppied for some time. He pulled Inspector [[Ellis]]' comm out of his pocket, holding it in his hand for a moment. He rested his thumb against the button, but hesitated. And that was his mistake- as Rick's blade seared across Keith's back, leaving him in intense agony and pain. Keith dropped the comm and collapsed to the ground, his hands clenched in agony, screaming. Rick stepped toward him, tears streaming down his face, levelling his blade at Rick's throat.

			"I'm sorry, Keith," Rick sobbed, "Why are you making me do this?"

			A massive solar flare exploded off of the pulsar, sending the star's unstable corona spiralling toward [[Septigia]]. The planet's atmosphere burned under its heat; and the pulsar began spinning faster and more erratically. Diamond shards rained down over the desert, as the star's light became more intense.

			Keith, wheezing, still gripping his Katana, struggled to his feet, spitting a tooth out onto the ground.

			"You owe me tooth fairy money, bitch," Keith grumbled, lunging at Rick. Rick dodged Keith's attacks, parrying his blade, and the two were locked in an intricate dance as they dueled over the singed corpses of [[M.T.O.\|MTO]] soldiers. Another wave of solar flare exploded off of the star, this one more intense, and the planet was lit up with a brilliant white light; twice as bright as high noon on Earth. Keith's skin began to literally burn off, and he stumbled, catching Rick's blade in with his own. He took a deep breath and launched another volley of swings at Rick, chopping messily at any weak point he could possibly get. Rick effortlessly parried Keith's attacks, but even he was beginning to sweat under the intense solar heat. The upper atmosphere was glowing an unnatural yellow.

	Rick held his hand out and swirled it about, summoning a brilliant green volley of fireballs, which he launched at Keith. The fireballs exploded and melted the sand when they hit; the pulsar hit some of them mid-air, sending globs of molten glass once again onto Keith's suit and weighing him down. Keith winced as the glass melted into his skin, holding his blade ready. He sliced several of Rick's balls in half- but grew weary from that.
	[[Category:Events]]		[[Category:Events]]

w:c:the-rick-hernia-omniverse>Fabafaba32 at 05:30, 15 October 2023

2023-10-15T05:30:57Z

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	"I don't want to fight you, Rick," Keith lamented, "I can't fight you."		"I don't want to fight you, Rick," Keith lamented, "I can't fight you."

	Rick ~~stood~~,		Rick rose to his feet, blood caking his forehead, and sneered. "Then stop fighting me."

			Rick held his hand out and swirled it about, summoning a brilliant green volley of fireballs, which he launched at Keith. The fireballs exploded and melted the sand when they hit; the pulsar hit some of them mid-air, sending globs of molten glass once again onto Keith's suit and weighing him down. Keith winced as the glass melted into his skin, holding his blade ready. He sliced several of Rick's balls in half- but grew weary from that.
	[[Category:Events]]		[[Category:Events]]

w:c:the-rick-hernia-omniverse>Fabafaba32 at 05:28, 15 October 2023

2023-10-15T05:28:01Z

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	== Duel at Dunestorm ==		== Duel at Dunestorm ==
	Rick spun and lunged at Keith, his starmetal katana glowing with Legumish energies. Keith, shocked, managed to parry it, but lost his footing, sliding backward down the dune.		Rick spun and lunged at Keith, his starmetal katana glowing with Legumish energies. Keith, shocked, managed to parry it, but lost his footing, sliding backward down the dune. Rick viciously swung down at Keith, hitting as hard as could against Keith's blade, Keith striking back but stepping backward into the dusty crater with each hit. Keith closed his eyes, focusing, and lept backward, flying through the air and landing atop- what he had sensed beforehand- to be a massive hunk of glass, buried beneath the sand. He stood atop it, glaring down at Rick.

			"I can't believe you'd attack me," Keith managed, stunned. Rick snarled. "Likewise."

			Rick lept up to Keith, but Keith deflected him, kicking Rick backward into the sand. Rick summoned a cushion of sand beneath himself and sprung himself back toward Rick, flying through the air, swinging his blade about wildly. His blade readied with Legumish energies, Keith parried Rick's flurry in one swift motion, slicing a tear through Rick's Waifurian robe, and sending Rick flying over the rock and into the sand behind him. Keith turned and stood.

			"I don't want to fight you, Rick," Keith lamented, "I can't fight you."

			Rick stood,
	[[Category:Events]]		[[Category:Events]]

w:c:the-rick-hernia-omniverse>Fabafaba32 at 05:20, 15 October 2023

2023-10-15T05:20:01Z

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	[[File:Phovus.png\|thumb\|Director Phovus was none to pleased to have been detained by Waifurian Authorities in regards to this investigation. ]]		[[File:Phovus.png\|thumb\|Director Phovus was none to pleased to have been detained by Waifurian Authorities in regards to this investigation. ]]

	== ~~The Dunestorm Myth~~ ==		== Two War Criminals Walk Into A Ship ==
	Keith sat across from [[Director Phobos\|Director Phovus]], his cuffed hands on his knees, staring out the window as stars streaked by. The two had not spoken for the entirety of several hours; apart from mere pleasantries, but now, as the ship exited hyperspace, Phovus turned to Keith and spoke.		Keith sat across from [[Director Phobos\|Director Phovus]], his cuffed hands on his knees, staring out the window as stars streaked by. The two had not spoken for the entirety of several hours; apart from mere pleasantries, but now, as the ship exited hyperspace, Phovus turned to Keith and spoke.