Albuquerque Black Hole Cluster

The Cluster ( Spatial Anomaly 21-AAXB is the closest, in the upper left.)

Albuquerque Black Hole Cluster

The Albuquerque Black Holes were a tourist attraction which was listed on the United States’ Do Not Fly and Terrorist Watchlists. They were also an APD ‘person of interest’. They were located in Albuquerque, New Mexico. They were formed following the events of the Glue Factory Incident. Approximately three dozen black holes, ranging in size from a golf ball to a large sedan, were spread across an area approximately four kilometers long and four miles wide. Interestingly, the ground and structures were not affected by these black holes; in fact, the only life forms which even seemed to be affected by them were Humans. Since the Glue Factory Incident, the CDC (Center for Damnation Control) recommended that people remain at least 20 to 30 thousand yards away from the area. Despite this, the Black Holes quickly became a popular tourist attraction for beings across the galaxy. Approximately 340 billion humans fell victim to the black holes.

The Black Holes also severely damaged the stability of reality in the greater Albuquerque area, and objects regularly appeared above the city and hovered there for numerous hours, weeks, or days, before either vanishing or crashing violently to the ground.

Self-Euthanization Controversy

In addition to being a tourist attraction, they also operated as a popular self-euthanization facility. The site became especially popular in 197 A.B., after Watergate. Albuquerque Black Holes’ representative, Michelle Strauss, declined to comment on this. However, she often distributed a “What to expect from your Black Hole Immolation” how-to pamphlet. It includes depictions of spaghettification, atomic annihilation, and, perhaps most disturbingly, the promise of heavenly ascension to the so-called “Bloodless Realm”.

Under North America Legal Code 4455, established by the Board of Waifuria and binding law in the United States, Ohio, and Jacksonville Florida, self-euthanization by black hole was a hallowed and serious process which was not a recommended way to die, but was in fact legal. Despite this, most sane individuals (who accounted for approximately 2% of the North American population) thought that self-immolation by black hole is not something that should be even considered legally, according to a census poll.

Ice Cream Merchandising

The popular “ice cream company” and human rights violation manufacturer, J.F. Sweets, struck up a brand deal with the black holes in 101 A.B., despite there being no clear census on the sentience of the black holes. Below is a transcript of the conversation between J.F. Sweets representative Michael Greensburg and Spatial Anomaly 21-AAXB (the largest of the black holes). A keyboard was provided to the black hole.

GREENSBURG: We would like to do a brand deal with you.

Spatial Anomaly 21-AAXB: AAAA GGGG ATCG GAGA 11111111111

GREENSBURG: The brand deal will include Black Hole themed push-pops, popsicles, and ice cream flavors.

Spatial Anomaly 21-AAXB: ###@DOADOADOADOAHE HEAT DEATH 201

GREENSBURG: Sir, all that I need from you is your consent. A simple yes or no will suffice.

Spatial Anomaly 21-AAXB: HUMANKIND 1120 WILL 3201 BURN 01I4N2S0H1A0L4L3A 3301

GREENSBURG: Great! We’ll get started right away.

How Greensburg interpreted that as a ‘yes’ is unclear. Nevertheless, a wide variety of Black Hole-themed ice cream became available in the Local Supercluster within the next few years. The flavor has been described as “painless” and “slow” in reviews online.

Spatial Anomaly 21-AAXB VS The Albuquerque Police Department

The conversation between Greensburg and Spatial Anomaly 21-AAXB was of moderate concern to APD, since the Black Hole had seemingly threatened the survival of the human race, so it was ticketed for a Domestic Terrorism Threat for a total of 200 USD. When 21-AAXB failed to pay the ticket, a bench warrant was issued for it. The police were unable to bring 21-AAXB in for questioning, due to the fact “it is a black hole”, to quote one officer. In an official statement, the APD, citing it’s ‘rigorous dedication to justice’, decided that a remote trial would be executed using Zoom’s online meeting feature. When 21-AAXB still declined to attend, a squad of police officers were sent to the area, upon which they were immediately spaghettified. Currently, 21-AAXB has racked up over four dozen charges, including contempt of court, malice, assault, intentional spaghettification, and thirty-seven parking violations.