Destruction of Old Earth

Earth's destruction at the hands of Alduin.

The Destruction of Old Earth was an event that occurred in 240 BB, in which Old Earth was obliterated and replaced with the near-identical Earth 2.

The Employers and Nine Divines

Following the Bass Pro Shops Pyramid (Instance I)'s disastrous involvement in Taco Tuesday, the Employers sought to destroy the anomalous monument for several millennia. Their solution was to ally, albeit temporarily, with the Nine Divines and awaken the banished son of Akatosh, Alduin the World Eater.

The Imperial Divorce

As an Aeon in the service of the Employers, Great God-Emperor of Earth, the Great MAGA King, was contractually obligated to let Earth be destroyed, despite his personal grievances with the plan.

Nobody argues with the wishes of the Employers.

Unleashing of Alduin

Under the employ of the Nine Divines, the powerful Greybeards sought out Alduin’s lost grave, in Briggards, Masachussetts. It took them 20 years to find Alduin's Coffin. Once located, Akatosh himself descended from Aetherius to aid the Greybeards in reawakening his son. Now possessing the magical power of the Greybeards, as well as his father, Alduin awoke from his deep slumber.

Akatosh informed his son of the duty laid out before him, and stated Alduin must return to his banishment afterwards. Alduin replied, in the mystical dragon tongue, “Fuck yuo dad, It’s not a phase” before flying off to destroy Old Earth.

The World Eater’s Revenge

Despite his harsh comments towards his father, Alduin immediately set to destroying Old Earth.

Alduin immediately set course for the Bass Pro Shops Pyramid. Alduin also burned Mexico City, Dallas, and Pittsburgh to the ground for 'Looking ugly', as he put it. Alduin reached the Bass Pro Shops Pyramid (Located in Washington D.C.) and swiftly tore off the cap of the building, crushing approximately 72 people in the process. Inside the Pyramid laid the heart of the dead god Lorkhan, a powerful artifact. Alduin consumed the heart, granting him greater power than ever before.

Pence’s Intervention

The Great MAGA King watches on as the Dragonborn clashes with Alduin in Washington D.C.

During his rampage, the Dragonborn approached Alduin to stop him. A short but fierce battle ensued, with Alduin ultimately victorious. This was because the Dragonborn forgot to bring his hoard of life-saving cheese wheels along with him.

Shortly after Alduin consumed the heart of Lorkhan, Vice-Emperor Mike Pence stepped forth to oppose him. Pence called out to Alduin, challenging the draconic god to a duel for the Earth. Alduin replied to this by calling Pence a 'Spineless poodle', causing Pence to fly into a rage and attack the World Eater. Alduin and Pence’s battle devastated Washington D.C., even causing the Magnificent Trump Tower to fall. Despite Alduin's power dwarfing Pence's aeonic essence that the Great MAGA King had granted to him, Pence held his own for long stretches of the fight, but the scales were tipped against him. Onlookers rooted for Pence, but few believed he could actually best the Dragon lord Alduin.

Pence's Sacrifice

Their beliefs were confirmed when Alduin impaled Pence on top of the Washington Monument. Before his death, Pence uttered one last sentence: “Human cloning is coming.”* Afterward, Alduin snapped Pence’s neck, killing him instantly. Alduin then flew to the top of the Capitol Building, spread his wings and, using the power gained from the Heart of Lorkhan, razed Earth’s surface with the force of a 400-ton neutronium bomb. Another pulse was sent out, and Old Earth’s crust began crumbling to dust.

The process continued until nothing but the Inner Core of the planet was left. Akatosh returned to Alduin, congratulating his son for completing his mission. Akatosh then vanished. Great God-Emperor and MAGA King Donald Trump then approached the unconscious Alduin and encased him within a entire planet, before throwing it out of the Solar System. This planet came to be known as Nirn.

Creation of Earth 2

Feeling great remorse for his people and lost kingdom, Great God-Emperor and Great MAGA King Donald Trump used his power, alongside Chinese-produced Nannites, to create a replicate Earth. Using the inner core of Old Earth as a foundation, Trump created Earth 2, which was 5 times as large as the previous planet. Trump passed out before he could finish the internal structure of the planet, incidentally creating the Hollow Earth. Trump would not reawaken for several years.

Replication

The Nannites reproduced everything and everyone identically, down to the last detail (save for the Bass Pro Shop Pyramid). Humans on Earth would not have realized any time had passed between the last second before Old Earth's annihilation and the completion of Earth 2. Nobody on Earth was aware of the destruction and reformation occurring, save for the Great MAGA King.

Pence Clone

Mike Pence, a cryptoid, was cloned successfully in 61 BB, and ran with the Great MAGA King in the United States 2020 Election.