Great META War 2

Not to be confused with the First Great META War or the Third Great META War.

The Second Great META War was an intergalactic conflict occurring from 20,010 AB to 20,030 AB. Spanning a mere twenty years, the war was one of the largest scale conflicts in Omniversal History. The Second Great META War encompassed two galaxies (The Milky Way and Andromeda Galaxies) and a distance of over 5 million lightyears. There were two major factions involved in this conflict; those being The Combine Empire and the Waifurian Empire.

The Supreme Emperor of the Combine Empire, the near-immortal Xos. More machine than creature, Xos possessed nearly infinite knowledge of the Andromeda Galaxy- and aimed to bend the entire local supercluster to his whims.

Catalyst

The Great META War, which spanned from 200 BB to 1 BB, was one of the most deadly wars in Omniversal History. It had left a permanent scar on the people of Earth; something the Waifurian Empire was keen to never forget. Each July 4, on Empire Day, the sacrifices of the millions of Earthlings lost in this horrible invasion were honored, and citizens and soldiers alike swore an oath of allegiance to the Waifurian Imperial Throne. In the years following their narrow victory over the Combine Invasion Force, the Waifurian Empire had expanded into a galactic federation; they became a union not just for Earth or her solar system, but for the Milky Way in its entirety. By 20,000 AB, 9 Billion civilizations (roughly 95% of the Milky Way's citizens) were either under the jurisdiction, or aligned with, the Waifurian Empire.

The Waifurian Empire had an insatiable thirst for conquest- and their next goal was to expand outward from the Milky Way- into the Combine home galaxy, the Andromeda Galaxy. On January 20, 20,010 AB, exactly twenty-thousand years after the formation of the Waifurian Empire, The Emperor gave a speech in which he announced that the Waifurian Empire was finally ready to take its revenge for the desecration of Earth all those years ago. Below is the transcription of the speech.

"Folks, here's the deal. Twenty Thousand and two hundred years ago, our planet was attacked by space invaders- and for the next two hundred years, we were repeatedly subject to genocide, exploitation, and subjugation from these Combine overlords. Billions of people lost their lives during this terrible War. Today, we remember those lost in all of the terrible attacks of those two centuries- from the Europeans in the Spanish Inquisition, to the Asians in the Sickle Cell Campaign. We remember the Massacre At Ottawa, where the first lives were lost to these monsters- and we remember those soldiers who gave their lives protecting General Hernia at the Battle of Alexandria, where we won our decisive victory.

Folks, we expunged the Combine from the Earth in 1 BB, with- you know- the gigamagnet thing. But- come on man, they got away with it. They went back to their galaxy, to their Empire, and continued to do what they always do- steal, pillage, and destroy. Our calamitous reckoning was a drop in the bucket to the Combine Overlords. These are horrible, horrible creatures. To this day, they are conquering civilizations, looting planets, and murdering trillions. For too long, the Combine has been a plague upon this universe. For too long, the Combine has reaped what they did not sow! This ends now! The people of this galaxy will not stand for it! Folks, it is our duty to speak up for those who can not speak for themselves. We must be a voice to the voiceless. We must extend our hands to the fallen. This empire has protected the people of this galaxy for thousands of years. And now, fellow citizens, it is time for us to stand up for what is right- to fulfill our patriotic duty, and say enough is enough!

Today, I am authorizing a deployment of 40 million Waifurian Troops, Five Million Naval vessels, and Six Million Escort ships, to depart from Waifuria Prime before noon tomorrow. These ships will head directly to the Combine in the Andromeda Galaxy- directly to their homeworld- with many more to follow. We are going to destroy the Combine leadership, and we will lay to ruin their archaic, monstrous government. We will restore peace and justice to the Andromeda Galaxy. And we will avenge our fallen brethren. Folks, today is a date that will live in infamy- the Day the Combine began to fall- and I hope you will join me in celebrating this great leap forward. God Bless Waifuria, and God Bless our Troops. Thank you, and Good Night".

Raxus Milluk was a hyperintelligent being.

The Waifurian Invasion Fleet

Indeed, the next day, a massive fleet of star ships, so large it could be spotted from 2 light years away, left from Waifuria Prime, at the edge of the Milky Way, and raced towards the Andromeda Galaxy. Led by General Raxus Milluk, an esteemed veteran with centuries of experience, the fleet began traveling at uberlight speeds towards the Andromeda galaxy. Unfortunately, they found that even traveling at the fastest speeds possible, these ships would take millions of years to arrive in the Andromeda Galaxy. Raxus ordered a full halt of all military vessels, and convened with his command team about what their next course of action should be.

The command staff all had varying suggestions of what should be done. One commander suggested cryogenically freezing all of the 1.9 Billion Waifurian troops onboard their vessels. Another offered the idea of an invasion through Xen. Captain Gorrin E. Maldives suggested that instead of traveling to the Andromeda Galaxy- they bring the Andromeda Galaxy to them. When pressed on the issue, Maldives explained that he had heard tales of a mythological creature capable of shifting galaxies through spacetime.

Of course, most of the military officers laughed this suggestion off as nonsense, but Raxus asked Maldives to continue. Maldives detailed the whispers he'd heard in the towns of Garraxia, of a cultish people in the Ghetsin-Todd system who worshipped an all-powerful bean of some sort. The ancient War Hero and mythological musician, Rick Hernia, was also rumored to be living among this group.

This intrigued Raxus, and he ordered the deployment a small squadron of 10,000, under the leadership of Gorrin E. Maldives, to the Ghetsin system in search of the 'Hero of Waifuria'. The rest of the Waifurian Invasion Fleet remained stationary approximately 10 lightyears away from the Red Giant Star Betelgeuse. The light from this star would obscure their fleet from even the most high-powered Combine Intergalactic telescopes- or so they hoped...

The Combine Offices Complex Knot (C.O.C.K.), was a massive synthetic planetoid that was roughly twice the volume of Jupiter.

The Emperor's New Groove

Meanwhile, in the Andromeda Galaxy, the Waifurian Invasion Fleet had not gone unnoticed by the Combine Empire. The Emperor's Chief Security Consultant, Arcus, had been alerted to the Waifurian maneuver from a double agent within the billions-strong Waifurian army. He immediately informed the Emperor's Majordomo and head of the Imperial Bureau of Security, G-4323, and a full blockade was erected in a Dyson Sphere around the C.O.C.K. within days.

Additionally, fifty Combine motherships were deployed the Rimworld of Ferinah, which laid at the outermost edge of the Combine's sphere of influence. The Emperor summoned his Advisors to his quarters, and the group conferred about how best to defend their Empire. G-4323 knew of the power the Waifurian Empire held; over the twenty-thousand years since their devastating loss to Donald J. Trump's Gigamagnet, the two galactic forces had engaged in the odd skirmish over territory; however, nothing could have prepared the Combine for an invasion force of this scale. The group deliberated about sending ships through their old portal in Mexico's City 9; however, it was determined that the Albuquerque Black Holes were at too close of a distance to safely allow spacecraft to pass through here. Ultimately, they decided their best offense would be a strong, ready defense- which stood alert and prepared for invasion at any moment.

The Temple of Rannjoe housed the Omniversal Energy Anchor, the Legume.

Francis and the Warshippers

When Captain Maldives arrived on the surface of Ghetsin 3, he landed his ships a few miles away from the Temple of Rannjoe, having sensed large quantities of life-forms residing inside of this structure. However, as his troops began unboarding their ships, they were met with a delegation of Warshippers, brandishing Legumish Weapons.

The delegation was led by Supreme Warshipper Francis Merrigold, who inquired as to the group's intentions in being 'so near to our sacred One', as he put it. Captain Maldives explained to Francis the stories he had heard of the Legume's immense power, and that the Waifurian Empire needed a way to travel to another galaxy quickly and efficiently- or to bring it to them.

"The Legume is not to be used to make war. It is a tool of peace and justice. No... I can't help you, son", Francis had said, before turning away.

"But I know someone who can."

Francis and the Warshippers invited Gorrin and his bodyguards back to the Temple of Rannjoe, where Millings, the pathetic, despicable oaf of a janitor in the residence, was made to prepare a grand feast for the guests. The Waifurians and the Warshippers exchanged pleasantries for several minutes, before Francis stood up abruptly and said, "We Must Attend to our Sacred One. We will return in eleven hours. He should be with you shortly."

"He? Who's he?", asked a junior officer, Quincy Himbrox.

"Well, If the legends are true, Quincy... then we're about to meet Rick Hernia."

Rick Hernia's Humanish Incarnate, which he took whenever he was in the presence of humans.

And sure enough, in through the door strode Rick Hernia himself, in a human incarnate. He smiled and greeted the group, and they exchanged pleasantries. Quincy Himbrox bowed to Rick Hernia, and began babbling on about how he was his role model- and Rick Hernia smiled and patted him on the shoulder, before turning to Captain Maldives.

"I know what you want, Captain. And I can do it. I'd happily join your ranks in the fight against the Combine Empire."

Maldives was startled by this, but Rick Hernia continued-

"Captain, I was drafted into the MTO at a young age- and I spent two centuries fighting these monsters. And although I lost my head- and nearly my life, too, I would gladly do it ten thousand times over to protect the people of Earth. Earth is a very, very special place. You know that, Captain?"

"Well, I mean, yes, sir-"

"Please, call me Rick. Richard. Marcus. Whatever you want. Earth is special because humans have something that no other species has- does anyone know what?"

The soldiers stood silent for a moment, and then young Quincy raised his hand.

"Souls, Mister Hernia, sir?"

Rick smiled. "Yes, Quincy, souls. Bequeathed upon them from the very beginning, from Prometheus and The Great MAGA King. Souls are what set humans apart from every other species in the Omni-I mean, universe. Sure, there are a few exceptions, myself- the gods, and my good friend Keith-", Rick now motioned to Keith Cumshoes, who was lounging back in the corner, smoking a blunt. Keith waved at them, and then looked back up at the ceiling.

Rick smiled once again. "So, in conclusion, yes, I'll help you fight against the Combine. And I suggest you ready your ships for the Galactic Upheaval; it happens quickly and you don't want to be in the wrong spot at the wrong time."

And so, Rick packed his things, and said his goodbyes to Keith, before departing with the Waifurian Delegation. The group boarded the command ship and quickly set off from Ghetsin 3, back towards the main fleet near Betelgeuse.

Quincy Himbrox

The Grand Galactic Upheaval

"Hey, that Sacred One thing they were talking about- on Ghetsin 3- that seemed pretty powerful, huh, Captain?", Asked Quincy in a whisper to Captain Maldives. Maldives nodded and shushed him, and the two directed their attention to the starboard command center, where they were watching Rick Hernia and General Raxus quietly discussing something.

Rick Hernia soon turned away from Raxus, and cleared his throat.

"Attention, brave soldiers. In approximately five minutes, the Andromeda Galaxy will be five lightyears away from the edge of the MIlky Way. I am going to perform a spiritual Legumish ritual to bring it here. You should be prepared for anything- and I do mean anything. Grab your weapons, man the starfighters, and ready the auxillary guns. Today is the day the Combine Empire dies!"

The crowd cheered in excitement, and then rushed out of the command room, taking their stations. Only Rick and Raxus remained.

"General, you may want to avert your eyes for this", Rick suggested politely.

Raxus replied smugly, "Oh, that's okay. I don't have any."

Rick Hernia chuckled and then closed his eyes, turning towards the massive glass starboard window of the SS Clinton. His feet left the ground, and he was soon levitating in the air, breathing deeply. Rick felt the Legumish, Magarrish, and Divine essences of the Omniverse flowing around him. With his omniscent mind, he grabbed onto a tendril of faint Legumish energy emenating from the Andromeda Galaxy, and began pulling. As he pulled, he imagined himself wrinkling the fabric of spacetime with his bare hands; folding and bending it intricately like a piece of astral origami. Rick felt the pressure tightening from the Legumish tendril, and began pulling harder, and harder, feeling the energy of his fallen brothers in arms coursing through him. Summoning all of his might, Rick took a deep breath, and then pulled- and the Andromeda Galaxy was half a million lightyears closer. Rick pulled a second time, a third time,- closer, but not close enough. Feeling his energy draining, and knowing the Legume's reserves were running dry from this feat, he pulled a fourth and final time- and exhaled, opening his eyes, to see the beauty of the Andromeda Galaxy staring back at him through the window; an intricate, stellar painting of the highest quality. Rick Hernia had moved a galaxy.

Ferinah's Dynacoil was unmistakable from a distance.

The Battle of Ferinah

The SS Clinton was almost immediately rocked by a massive blast, and General Raxus scurried towards the central command system.

"We've been hit. Place of origin, the second planet in the Feri system- Ferinah. Looks like they've got some kind of a massive superweapon. I want an orbital bombardment of their civilian centers- that'll shut them up. General Hernia- how would you like to command a fleet of starships?"

"It would be my honor, General."

Already, though, over five hundred thousand of the Waifurian ships had been lost to preemptive strikes.

General Raxus, wasting no time, devised a three-pronged plan of attack- first, they would tear through the Combine orbital defenses of Ferinah, before bombing and destroying civilian centers on the ground- and then, if the Combine Governor of Ferinah still hadn't surrendered- they'd take the fight to the surface. Rick Hernia would take a fleet of two hundred thousand around the far side of Ferinah- where they'd prepare for a ground invasion, as the main flank of the navy continued bombarding the near side.

Fi Dung

Captain Maldives and Quincy Himbrox were assigned to Rick Hernia, and they quickly departed the SS Clinton. Soon after they'd left, as Raxus was fiercely barking orders to his subordinates, the 'Open Transmission' sensor began beeping wildly. If Raxus had a heart, it would've sank. The Combine wanted to talk.

When the hologram of the Governor of Ferinah appeared on his screen, Raxus probably would've gagged, had he had a throat. Before him was a grotesque, slimy, disfigured alien creature, the likes of which he had never imagined.

Fi Dung truly was a hideous and wretched thing. Not as horrible as Millings, though.

"Greetings, Waifurian Lord. I am Fi Dung, Governor of these parts. We are willing to negotiate, and we would hate for any more Waifurian blood-" the creature presented an image of the Waifurian Emperor, before throwing it into one of his many mouths- "to be spilled on this day. What do you say, Lord?"

Raxus pretended to think it over, before turning to the digusting monster.

"I say... fuck off. We are going to obliterate you, and we are going to obliterate your planet, and there's nothing you can do to stop it."

"But, Lord, think of the children-"

A young intelligence officer quickly approached General Raxus. "We've traced his IP, General. He's in a command tower near the southwestern portion of the large structure. Shall I give the order?"

Raxus gave her a thumbs up, and then continued speaking with Fi Dung.

"So, Fi Dung- if we were to surrender now, what would the Combine do to us?"

"Do to you? Well, nothing, Lord. We want peace. We do not want war with Waifuria, Lord. The people of Ferinah are peaceful people. We-"

The transmission suddenly cut out, and a large explosion was heard over the speaker. Raxus watched the small blast appear on the planet's surface.

"Thank god, he was absolutely dreadful, wasn't he?", Raxus asked the intelligence officer. She smiled timidly and nodded, before pivoting and swiftly walking out of the room.

Raxus would have smiled to himself, had he had a face. He paused his internal chess game to focus on the conflict unfolding in front of him. "Now... let's let the games begin", he said, watching the orbital bombardment commence.

Ground Invasion

With the Governor out of the way, the Waifurians immediately lept at the opportunity to invade the surface of Ferinah, risking minimal casualties. Rick Hernia, Captain Maldives, and Quincy Himbrox descended on the Generator Facility at the end of the Combine Dynacoil, accompanied by five thousand Waifurian Soldiers, two hundred Oklahoma-Class Tanks, Six hundred Drone Starfighters, two hundred manned starcraft, and five Starcrawlers. The troops, upon landing, were met with heavy resistance, with Combine soldiers surrounding them and launching volleys of gunfire upon their hulls. Thankfully, the hulls were bulletproof, and the Waifurians returned fire, with great success. As the armymen rushed out to finish off the remaining enemy troops, Rick Hernia remained onboard the ship, while Captain Maldives and his legion, including Quincy, headed out into the gunfire.

"You know, this brand new metal on the hulls, it's impenetrable from normal weaponry", a junior officer told Rick, while readying his blaster.

"The only downside is it's really heavy- and very, very hypermagnetic."

Rick nodded absentmindedly, watching strider after strider fall at the hands of the Waifurian Empire. It was just like old times- but something felt... wrong.

Combine Refraction

The Director, G-4323, was unpleased with this news.

High Lieutenant Arcus listened carefully as the data analyst read out the casualty report. Seven million, six hundred thousand and five dead Combine troops. The defenses on Ferinah had been too weak- far too weak. In just sixteen minutes, the invaders had decimated three entire cities and laid ruin to the Combine Dynacoil's main generator.

"Get me the Director," Arcus snarled at the machine, running his long, thin hands over his cold wet scalp.

After a moment, the holographic head of G-4323 appeared in front of Arcus, who kneeled accordingly.

"Director- we have suffered heavy losses at Ferinah. Fi Dung is dead. Our troops are in disarray." Arcus strained, staring down at the floor, unable to meet his superior's gaze.

"Well, that is rather... unfortunate. The Emperor will not be pleased."

"I understand, lord."

"And what of the coil?"

"It is badly damaged- yet salvagable-"

"Very, very dissapointing, High Lieutenant. The tasks laid before you were rather... simple, hmm? And yet you seem unable to protect a basic rimworld, a rock with a solar farm, from falling into the hands of our distant... enemies."

Arcus took a deep breath.

"Well, my lord- they aren't so distant anymore."

"Is that... so?"

"Yes. The entire galaxy seems to have somehow- teleported- to collide with ours."

"A galaxy teleported, Mister Arcus?"

"Yes, my lord."

There was a moment of silence, before G-4323 drew a long, audible deep breath.

"Well... we'll see about that. What has been done can be undone. The NCRI will begin drafting a solution. I fear that we may be messing with powers beyond our... comprehension, Arcus."

"I agree, sir. I recieved intelligence- from our anonymous source- that they have Hernia commanding this invasion."

G4323 was taken aback.

"This is surely... unforeseen."

"Director G- If I may- only one has ever been able to best Rick Hernia in combat."

The two shared a moment of mutual understanding.

"I will send them right away", G-4323 said, now looking down at Arcus. Arcus felt the Majordomo's gaze on the top of his head.

"Very well. Focus all available troops to Ferinah. We must put an end to this violent invasion. And... Lieutenant- no more loose ends... hmm?"

With that, the Majordomo's signal cut out, and Arcus stood abruptly. He wiped beads of sweat from his brow. He was on thin ice, and he knew it. Turning to his command unit, he exhaled with relief.

"Deploy Gunship Battalions X3, X4, and X7 to Ferinah. We won't need more than that- backup is already on the way."

Discovery at the Temple

Keith Cumshoes was always a snappy dresser, even when lounging at the orgy-filled Temple of Rannjoe.

Back on Ghetsin 3, at the Temple of Rannjoe, Keith Cumshoes was on his fourth smoke break of the day. He'd been employed as the 'Chief Aroma Expert' by Francis Merrigold, and was expected to mix new aphrodisiac incenses daily. However, today, Keith decided, the scent of the day would be Marijuana, for the forty-fifth time in a row. How exciting for the Warshippers!

Keith rolled over on the couch, scrolling his J.F. Social Media feed, mindlessly liking posts from people he hadn't seen in thousands of years.

"Keith. Where is Keith?", came a hideously annoying voice from around the corner. This shrill sound was like a raccoon carcass that was coated in sawblades and dragged across a piece of rotting plywood.

Millings was a sad, pathetic, totally useless thing.

"What do you want, Millings?", Keith asked, ready to throw his phone at the pathetic fur golem when he rounded the corner. And sure enough, when the sad, sad creature hobbled by, Keith aimed for his head, and hit him squarely between the eyes.

"Oh, Keith, you drop your phone, Keith. Here, I give it back!", Millings reached down to grab the phone, but Keith swatted the disfigured claw away.

"I got it, Millings. What is it?"

Millings reached into his skin pocket and revealed a small, rectangular device.

"I found this majam. I was going to show Mister Francis- but it is Orgy Time- so-"

"What the fuck is a majam?", Keith asked, snatching the object from the pathetic claws of MIllings.

"Oh, Mister Keith, In Fur Golem Culture, A majam is something that-", Millings began, bouncing around excitedly, hoping to complete a sentence in a conversation for once.

"I don't care. Millings, this is- I think this is a Combine tracking device", Keith held it up to the light, and sure enough, he could make out the faint imprint of a Combine insignia beneath it.

"It doesn't look like a tractor, Keith."

"Yeah, shut up. Listen- where's Francis now? This is important."

"Oh- Mister Keith- I really wouldn't-"

"I don't give a shit who-or what- he's fucking. He needs to know about this", Keith interjected. He texted Rick Hernia, and then pocketed his phone, kicked Millings in the face, and rushed to the Warshipper Orgy room.

The text exchange between Rick Hernia and Keith Cumshoes was the longest running text conversation in Omniversal History.

When Keith Cumshoes burst through the doors, he was greeted by a rather unseemly sight, as a Nihilanth lay sprawled out on the Legumish Bed, with Warshippers penetrating the many orifices across its body. Keith called out for Francis, climbing through the piles of writhing nude bodies to find the Supreme Warshipper. After several minutes of searching in vain, Keith gave up, and simply yelled out.

"Attention. If you could all stop fucking for just one moment, please. Just a moment of your time", Keith screamed over the incessant moaning and squirting noises filling the chamber. The bodies slowly stopped moving around, and hundreds of sweaty, wet heads turned to look at him.

"Keith. It smells wonderful. What is today's scent?", Francis asked, from some unknown corner of flesh.

"Today's scent is your own sweat and semen, you disgusting pigs. Look, the Combine tracked someone- probably the Waifurian Delegation. The janitor found a tracker. It stands to reason that if they know why the Waifurians were coming here... then they know what's here."

"Oh my Gods- oh my Gods- oh my GODS!", Francis shrieked, jumping out from beneath a pile of Warshippers.

"Code Green! Code Green, people! Prepare for war!", Francis screamed, materializing a robe around himself and conjuring a Legumish flame to his hand. The various nude Warshippers stood and followed suit, preparing for conflict. The moaned and whined about not getting to climax, and the hulking, oiled up Nihilanth on the bed seemed very, very dissapointed. Keith's phone began ringing. It was Rick.

A Terrible Reunion

"Keith, what is this about a tracker? And make it quick, I'm a bit- busy, at the moment", Rick said into his comm, as he feverishly programmed orders into the central command unit on his ship.

"Yeah- uh- Rick. We have a problem. Millings found a Combine Tracker under the dining table."

Rick stopped typing. His heart sank. "One of ours."

Keith sighed in agreement.

"Yep. Sounds like there's an impostor in your midst. That would be a problem in and of itself- but dude- Everyone who came in with that delegation- they all knew why they'd come to the Temple, right?"

Rick bit his lip.

"Fuck. Fuck! This is bad."

"Yeah. The Warshippers are preparing for all-out war. If those Combine fucks know what the Legume is, they'll no doubt want to harness its power. And that means going through us."

Rick opened his mouth to respond, but the line suddenly went dead. The entire bridge fell into complete darkness. Rick conjured a Legumish flame and peered outside of the window. The Waifurian encampments and Combine prisoners were all that he saw around him. Rick began running his hand along the dark control panels, feeling for an emergency power button. As the battle raged outside, Rick felt increasingly anxious to bring power back to the bridge; without the command node, the drone fighters would be stuck on autopilot, rendering them effectively useless. Loud footsteps began approaching the bridge, and Rick turned to face the door, unsheathing his Katana.

Suddenly, though, the footsteps stopped. Rick remained steady, closing his eyes and focusing on the Legumish forces around him. He sensed something... sinister. Something he hadn't sensed since-

Hello There

Moonblight Grievous

The silhouette of General Grievous crashed through the door, brandishing four lightsabers. The corpse of a Waifurian soldier fell to the ground before him. A ghostly, metallic laugh came from the hulking figure. Rick was in total disbelief, but held his Katana steady.

"General Hernia. We meet again," this upgraded General teased Rick, advancing on him.

"General Grievous- I must say you look- more- alive than what I'd expected."

"That is General Moonblight to you, Richard. Are you ready to become decapitated again?"

Rick smirked, and the two began battling in a flurry of high-speed sword motions, the only light in the room eminating from the swirling green blades of Moonblight. The two were engaged in a fiercely matched duel, as Moonblight pushed Rick back against the control panel. With one of his four blades, Moonblight began tearing through the expensive electronic equipment like butter. Moonblight eventually backed Rick into a corner, and the two, for a moment, paused their intense duel, as the blades singed Rick's beard hairs.

"Do you surrender, Richard?", Moonblight asked, grasping Rick's torso with a large, clawed foot, and pinning him against the wall.

"What do you think, General? I have an entire army out there. Soon enough, they'll come searching for me. But for now, it's just you and I. I've bested you before, and I'll do it again. Besides- you're still a sloppy swordsman."

Moonblight let out a gutteral scream, which transformed into a laugh. "

"But Richard- it's not just you and I. It's four on one. I am more than meets the eye."

Rick laughed, slowly reaching his hand down to the General's foot to burn it, masking a small Legumish flame behind the General's own blade.

"Four on one? And are these other warriors of yours in the room with us right now, General?", Rick retorted snidely, as he felt the metal of the General's foot starting to heat up.

"Yes, they are."

Rick froze. From the ceiling, three more near-identical General Grievous clones dropped down, each unveiling their own set of four lightsabers. They all began laughing in unison, and Rick quickly realized they were a hive mind.

Moonblight stared down at Rick. "Surely, you must realize- you are doomed."

In that moment, Rick launched a supercharged Legumish flame from his hand, melting Moonblight's foot, and catching the General off guard. He flung his arm up to the General's wrist, melting one hand clean off. Rick grabbed the falling lightsaber and jumped to the center of the control room. The Grievous Quartet advanced on him, their lightsabers spinning so quickly that they resembled discs of light. Rick fought back against them with his Katana, lightsaber, and breathing fire from his mouth, but found that he was steadily losing ground against the fearsome cyborgs. Rick's bitter resistance ceased when he was impaled in the stomach with a lightsaber, severely crippling him.

Without missing a beat, the Grievous Quartet each grabbed a limb and dragged him off of the ship, deflecting all of the Waifurian attacks against them with their many blades. They loaded Rick onto a small gunship and quickly launched off from Farinah. Rick fell out of consciousness, with the light of the explosions above him fading away into darkness.

Captive

When he awoke, Rick found himself in a sensory deprivation chamber with a hologram of a G-Man (G-4323) blasting into his eardrums.

"...If you are watching this message, you have been detained by the Combine Imperial Bureau of Security. You are a criminal, and shall be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. There is no place in our glorious empire for scum such as yourself. The punishment that will soon befall you will no doubt seem severe, but I must remind you- all actions have... consequences, hmm?"

I liked you better when you fucked lawyers, Rick thought to himself, rubbing his eyes. He felt down to his chest, and was surprised to find that his lightsaber wound had totally healed. He reached up and ran his hand across his beard- and found it long and unkempt. In fact, his hair, now that he noticed, seemed to have wrapped itself around his limbs, and he fought to release himself from its grasp. Rick heard footsteps approaching from beyond- and he now noticed that large, metal bars were containing him in this room.

A single man approached the cell, wearing a neat purple suit. Rick Hernia looked up and found himself face-to-face with G-4323.

"Mister Hernia... you're finally awake."

Rick looked up his captor, rubbing his eyes and trying to focus on the person in front of him. His elegant purple suit shimmered in a strange way, and the Majordomo's skin was a pale, synthetic white.

"I hope you slept well... were your accomodations to your liking, Mister Hernia?", G-4323 asked, picking one of his synthetic fingernails.

Rick tried to speak, but found himself unable to form words.

"Oh, you will need a few days to... recuperate. Twenty years asleep does quite a number on the... brain."

Rick felt himself go into shock. Twenty Years. Twenty Years? The war must be over by now... Right?

Rick tried to summon Legumish flames from his fingers, but found his connection with the Legume... weakened. He tried again- closing his eyes, and taking a deep breath, Rick reached out to the Omniverse, feeling for the familiar essences which were around him. But instead, he felt... nothing.

"Mister Hernia, I hope you understand the reason for your... imprisonment. You see, many years ago, you fought against our armies in the War On Earth. We believed you to have been... neutralized, hmm? Clearly, that is not the case. But fear not, I do not wish to... tie your loose end up- at least, not yet. That isn't why you are here with us today." G-4323 began pacing back and forth in front of Rick's cell.

"Do you recall the events which transpired in Alaska fifty years before your... demise?", G-4323 asked, stopping suddenly. He stared down at Rick, as if he already knew the answer.

"This was when you found your Emperor, Mister Hernia. He was nude, insane, and, although you did not know it then- over two thousand years old. And yet... fifty one years later, he held unilateral control of an entire continent. As you can imagine, Mister Hernia, my... Advisors and I found this development rather peculiar. So, we dug deeper. We consulted the prophets of Ferinah- who, by the way, you and your armies unceremoniously slaughtered- and they told us they believed this creature- il mummus, as they called it- would be responsible for the destruction of the entire Omniverse. They foresaw a great calamity, where, in the waning days of order and civilization, your Emperor would rise from the ashes to crumble the Omniverse from within."

"Now, Mister Hernia, this seemingly human individual has consolidated power and control over an entire galaxy, and now aims to conquer ours, as well. You must understand, this is gravely concerning to myself and my associates. And your Galactic Relocation Stunt- a rather impressive one, I'll admit- has only accelerated this process."

Rick sat in his cell, numbly, listening to G-4323's rambling monologue. Crazy. he's Crazy, Rick thought to himself.

"And so, Mister Hernia, I hope you realize, your capture wasn't personal. The Combine bears no ill will towards you or your fellow comrades- we understand that you believe to be fighting for what is right. But the Combine is fighting for what is right. We are fighting for the future of the Omniverse. If your Mummy gains control of the Andromeda Galaxy, there's no telling what horrors he might unleash. We are going to capture your Mythical Bean- and we are going to use it to... alleviate the Omniverse of your Evil Emperor."

G-4323 nodded politely, and pivoted away from Rick, leaving him to his own devices in his cell; trapped, alone, and lost.

The view of Ghetsin 3 from the surface of the C.O.C.K.

Siege of Ghetsin 3

The war was not over. Over the past twenty years, this new war had backfired spectacularly on the Waifurian Empire, with Combine forces invading their planets with ease thanks to the newfound proximity of the Andromeda and Milky Way Galaxies. It had became an all-out territory battle, with the two Empire's borders shifting by dozens of lightyears every day. The galaxies had begun to merge, slowly swirling around one another in a delicate dance. Deep in the core of this new Milkdromeda Galaxy, the Ghetsin system had fallen under intense bombardment from the Combine. The C.O.C.K. had relocated to Ghetsin 3, attaching itself to the terrestrial planet like a parasitic symbiote. This was, of course, part of the Combine's effort to capture and harness the Legume- something which the Warshippers had successfully thwarted for quite some time- but it was a losing battle. The Combine had blockaded Ghetsin 2 and 3 inside of an impenetrable, massive Dyson Sphere, preventing outside Waifurian reinforcements from entering the system. Now, a small band of warriors, comprised of Warshippers, Waifurian soldiers, and Keith Cumshoes, were the final defense for the Legume against the onslaught of Combine forces.

Rannjoe In Ruin

The Temple of Rannjoe had suffered tremendous damage from the battle, with the entire west portion of the structure caving in on itself. Now, this band of fighters was huddled in the dank basement of the structure, as they had been for several days.

General Raxus had beaten himself at chess 41,323 times- or was it 41,324- since he'd been hunkered down in the basement of this disgusting, vile structure. From what he understood, the people they were supporting seemed to worship some kind of bean. Now, as a band of them scurried off into the darkness to perform a ritual (or orgy), he turned to a panic-stricken Commander Gorrin Maldives.

"You know, Gorrin, if I'd known how terribly untidy these people were- I'd never have authorized your little mission", said Raxus, sighing as he put himself in checkmate again. Gorrin rolled his eyes and ran his fingers through his greasy, unkempt hair.

"Yes, I know, General. Tell me once more how it's all my fault, and if we never would've come here, the war would be over by now. You've only told me that about 5,000 times."

"6,300, actually," Raxus murmured. Gorrin shook his head and rose from his seat, stepping over piles of broken furniture to join Keith Cumshoes and Captain Quincy Himbrox at their makeshift command station. The old dinner table was missing a leg and had burn marks and bullet holes across it, but it was the most stable surface they'd been able to find.

"We're surrounded on five sides," Keith was saying, rubbing his hands against his hardwood temples.

"The only direction they aren't after us- is down. There's a squadron of Elite Soldiers holding the entrance hall. Millings has kept them out of the Legume's chamber- Gods bless him, I have no idea how- but sooner or later, he will break, and they'll- they'll be unstoppable."

The group stood in silence for a moment, staring at their map of the Temple of Rannjoe. They'd used red to denote Combine occupied land, and blue to denote theirs. The map was mostly red. Quincy sighed and collapsed backwards onto a couch.

"Why don't we just- like- surrender?", Quincy suggested meekly, staring blankly at the map. Raxus suddenly banged his fist on the table.

"Quincy, the Combine would tear us to pieces! They're animals, and they'd treat us like animals, too!" Raxus yelled, loud enough that it shook the shattered paintings on the wall.

"No- no- as general of this army, I command that we stand together strong. We must never give up. We will fight for the glory of Waifuria to the death!", he continued.

Keith shot him an annoyed look. Placing his hand on the cybertron's shoulder, he said, "Respectfully, General Milluk, we started this war with 1.9 Billion troops. We now have nineteen hundred. We've been beaten back to this shitass planet, with these crazy fucking bean psychos, and this is where we're all going to die. I think your authority is somewhat fucking diminished."

Raxus jumped back, as if Keith's comment had physically hurt him. He began to speak, but instead hung his head, and glumly walked away from the table, no doubt to begin yet another chess game.

"Best Military commander in the galaxy, my ass", Keith mumbled, pulling a lit joint from seemingly nowhere.

"Hey, cut the guy some slack, barkface. It's not like it was his idea to invade an entire galaxy," Gorrin retorted, lightly punching Keith on the shoulder. Keith ignored him, and took a long drag. The table went silent, and the sounds of distant gunfire and broken glass filled the room.

"I really think we should surrender-", Quincy began again, but was interrupted by a loud banging on the basement chamber doors. Everyone drew their weapons, and Raxus stepped forward to peek through a crack in the door.

"It- It's Millings," said Raxus meekly, flinging the door open. In trotted the little fur golem, happy and aloof as could be. He greeted everyone excitedly, and then began digging around in his skin pocket, while whistling the tune of the Combine March.

"Hey, uh- Millings. Aren't you supposed to be protecting the Legume?" Keith asked the creature, watching him rummage violently through his own body.

"Yes. Mister Keith. I have it." Millings revealed the illustrious Legume from inside of his pocket, presenting it proudly to Keith and the others.

"Holy Shit! You- Millings- what!?" Keith screamed, jumping backwards.

Keith was shocked, of course, because the Legume was -allegedly- untouchable by mortal hands. Its immense energy was so powerful that even Francis Merrigold, the Supreme Warshipper, could only touch it for a quarter of a second. And yet, here, in front of all of them, Millings had dropped the most powerful object in the Omniverse as if it were a piece of candy.

"Oh, yes Mister Keith. Millings got very full of Combine soldiers. And there were many- so many- I decided to come see friends down here!"

"You- got full?", asked Raxus, timidly.

"Oh, yes. I got so full. After five thousand, Millings was stuffed."

The group, yet again, enjoyed a moment of stunned silence, although this time- they had a small bit of hope. The basement cellar was now the most important place in the Omniverse. Millings began juggling the Legume around, until Keith told him to put it down immediately. Young Quincy Himbrox left the room to "do surveillance", despite the protests of Gorrin Maldives, who told him he was going to get himself killed. When the Warshippers returned, they all began formulating a plan to take back the Entry Hall and East Wing of the Temple, and Francis instructed Millings on how to properly care for the Legume. By sunrise, the group had contrived a plan. It would be one final stand, they all agreed, one last hurrah against the evil and wicked Combine Empire. And so, they all circled together, and said their goodbyes. They exchanged hugs, and words of encouragement, and reminders that they would always be in each other's hearts, before going their seperate ways, to fight... to their deaths.

Francis Merrigold was prepared to lay down his life for the Legume.

The Grand Combine Offensive

The East Wing

The plan was decided. General Raxus Milluk and Captain Quincy Himbrox would take a group of Warshippers and Waifurian Soldiers to the East Wing, where they'd draw the Combine defenses away from the entrance hall. Francis Merrigold, Gorrin Maldives, and Keith Cumshoes would go to the entry hall, where Millings would disable the guards, and continue eating as many as he physically could. Francis and Keith would channel the Legume's energies from Milling's skin pocket, blasting massive beams of Legumish fire into the Combine troops, dealing as much damage as they physically could, until- well, until they couldn't fight anymore.

Raxus and Quincy departed first, rushing through the underground tunnels of the Temple with their troops, making as much noise as physically possible. When they reached the eastern chamber, where they saw several Elite Soldiers, Raxus began taunting them, before charging a massive electrical beam from his helmet and vaporizing them instantly. The fighters began fighting their way through the eastern hall, battling Combine footsoldiers past collapsed pillars and debris which filled the rooms with a thick purple powder.

"Quincy!", yelled Raxus through the chaos.

"Yes, General?", Quincy responded, somewhere off in the smog.

"I'm charging a hyperbeam. When we get to the end of the hallway, I'm going to turn north. This should take out all of the troops in the entire North Wing. But I'll be defenseless to the south for several seconds. I need you to cover me. Can you do that?"

"I'll be there, General!", Quincy yelled back. The group continued fighting through the wreckage, smashing Combine manhacks into the ground and quickly making advances on their territory. The end of the hallway was fast approaching, and Raxus would've taken a deep breath, if he'd had lungs.

As General Raxus Milluk turned the corner, he bellowed, "For Waifuria!", before shooting his hypercharged beam into a battalion of Combine footsoldiers. Like a knife through butter, his electrical attack cut through their troops and leveled them to dust. Five hundred Combine Troops were gone in an instant. Raxus reveled in this momentary victory. When the general gazed over his shoulder, though, he found that Quincy Himbrox was nowhere to be found. Raxus quickly attempted to turn to defend himself, but it was too late. A laser from a Combine Strider struck him the head, killing him instantly.

The Warshippers and Waifurian Soldiers scrambled for cover, hurrying into the empty North wing as a group of Striders chased them out of the hallway. Alas, the plan of distraction had worked, as the full attention of the Combine soldiers had been turned to the this revolt. The Combine quickly disabled the Waifurian soldiers and Warshippers, leaving only handful of them standing. From the top of one of the Striders, a tall, slender figure jumped down. Clad all in white, High Lieutenant Arcus towered above the humans and humanoids below him.

"And that was for Fi Dung," Arcus exclaimed bitterly. The soldiers stared up at the giant Combine commander in total awe.

"What a ragtag group of warriors we have here!" remarked Arcus enthusiastically, his bald head shimmering in the Ghetsinian morning sun.

"Now, you've had your fun. I am here to offer you two options. Option one- you attempt to kill me and continue this fruitless rebellion, which- let's face it- has been doomed from the start. Or..."

Arcus really did have a shiny head.

Arcus snickered to himself, reveling in the blow he was about to deal to the Waifurian soldiers.

"Or, you join the Combine Empire, in our fight to crush The Mummy in his tracks. Your... captain can attest, it's not all so bad. Isn't that right, Quincy?"

Quincy Himbrox, the double agent, meekly stepped out from behind one of the striders, staring down at the floor.

"Ah yes, my friends. Quincy has been on our side all along. And not even the mighty Rick Hernia, the glorious hero of Earth, detected it. And now, thanks to Quincy, we will retrieve your Mythical Bean, and use it to put an end to the Waifurian Plague upon the Omniverse- once and for all," Arcus smiled wickedly at the Waifurian Soldiers and Warshippers.

"So, what'll it be? Time to choose," said Arcus menacingly.

"We'll never join you!", one Warshipper screamed, as the group let out a cheer.

"For the General!", The group yelled, before charging Arcus, punching and kicking his frail, thin legs, as the Warshippers flung the Striders up against the ceiling at mach speeds, killing them instantly. The Warshippers collectively channeled their powers on Arcus, each lighting one of his limbs on fire, and crucifying him against the wall of the Temple of Rannjoe. Quincy scurried out of a broken window, but the group ignored him, instead choosing to hurry over to the entry hall, to join their compatriots in the fight for their lives.

Confrontation at the Entry Hall

At the entry hall doorway, Keith Cumshoes and Francis Merrigold were launching volleys of Legumish fire into the seemingly endless Combine forces. Millings had overeaten, and lay in a pile of bricks, playing rock-paper-scissors with himself. Gorrin Maldives lay next to him, his arm in a bloodied cast. Keith and Francis, try as they might, were no match for the Combine Empire. Even when the other soldiers arrived from the East Wing, the small group was still losing ground rapidly. The Combine clearly recognized this, too, as they were only intensifying their fire, hoping that their enemy would give up. This all came to a head after Keith Cumshoes was shot in the chest, knocking him unconscious, and leaving the Waifurian Soldiers to treat his wounds inside the crumbling entrance hall. The Combine onslaught suddenly ceased. Millings crawled forward to sit near Francis, as the both peered into the enemy forces, searching for the cause of this disruption.

Francis spotted a small, modest starship, descending from the C.O.C.K. at a leisurely speed. Francis and Millings watched as the ship flew between the legions of Striders and gunships, before landing in the courtyard in front of them. The hatch of the ship opened with a cloud of smog, and the silhouette of a man holding a briefcase emerged from inside of it.

G-4323 approached Francis and Millings, holding his briefcase stiffly at his side.

"Time, my dear friends? It appears you've run out of time," G-4323 kneeled down in front of a terrified Millings, who refused to make eye contact.

The battle is over, Mister Merrigold. You and your pathetic band of soldiers have lost. Hand over the Mythical Bean, and your lives will be...spared."

Francis and Millings stood in silence, avoiding G-4323's gaze.

"Very well. Allow me to offer some... encouragement", said G-4323, as all of the Combine's guns immediately turned to face Millings and Francis.

"I currently have three million, five hundred thousand and sixty, four hundred and two guns trained on you, Mister Millings. If you do not give it to me, your body will be shredded to pieces by this... nasty artillery, and I shall retrieve it from your unrecognizable corpse," the Majordomo growled, opening his briefcase, revealing a mold perfectly suited to fit the Legume inside of it.

Millings squealed, and pulled it from his skin pocket, placing it carefully into G-4323's briefcase. The Majordomo smiled, and stood up.

"Impressive. You have chosen well, my f-friends," said G-4323, turning to walk away. He had barely taken two steps, though, before a loud explosion echoed out across the temple. G-4323 looked around him, searching for the source of this explosion. He spotted, in the distance, a mushroom cloud rising into the atmosphere. From the explosion, a small, blue fireball emerged. At first, G-4323 wiped his retinal scanners, thinking it was a smudge. But the fireball grew larger and larger.

Fates Align

Rick Hernia, in a Legumish Incarnate of pure energy and power, rose over the Combine's vast army. He was a blazing inferno of stellar temperatures, weaving in and out of the legs of striders, and shooting fireballs down at the Combine troops, evaporating them on the spot.

"Well... well, shit." G-4323 mumbled to himself, watching Rick approaching.

Rick swooped up and down through the Ghetsinian landscape, his immense heat burning the very air around him, as he dismantled the Combine gunships in the sky with volleys of fire. He blasted beams of energy down into the Combine armies, sending them into disarray, and cooked the Striders to crispy perfection without so much as laying a finger on them. Rick descended upon G-4323, landing several feet away from him. He extended his hand out to G-4323.

"Give it to me," an unearthly voice eminated from all around them. G-4323 took a step back from Rick Hernia, clutching his briefcase against his chest.

"How-" G-4323 was at a loss for words. Quincy Himbrox approached from behind a pile of rubble, clutching the Comm device of High Lieutenant Arcus.

"I released him."

G-4323 turned to Quincy, an expression of intense rage forming across his synthetic face.

"Arcus slaughtered men like they were animals. And they killed him like the monster he is. And after that- I realized- I couldn't let the Legume fall into your hands. You're just the same as him. You're an animal."

G-4323 stared at him for a moment, and his jaw tensed. Then, he suddenly broke out in a bout of psychotic laughter.

"Oh, you poor fool... you've... you've doomed us all! You've doomed us all!" G-4323 tossed the briefase into the flaming inferno of Rick Hernia, before collapsing onto the ground in a fit of uncontrollable laughter. Francis and Millings stepped back from the writhing synthezoid, whos laughter echoed eerily as the only sound around the entire temple. After a moment, G-4323 wiped the saliva from his mouth, and propped himself up onto his knees.

"If you want to dance, Rick Hernia... let's dance."

G-4323 suddenly stood at attention, his face devoid of emotion, and turned to face the C.O.C.K, which loomed over them, like a cybertronic moon in the sky.

"Some believe that the C.O.C.K. is inflexible..." G-4323 said quietly, cracking his knuckles.

"I disagree."

Huge tendrils of electricity suddenly shot down from the C.O.C.K, striking G-4323, who channeled it into his body, letting out a primordial scream. The electricity danced across his entire body, supercharging him with plasmatic energy. He rose into the sky, his body wrapped in tendrils of light. Behind him, the C.O.C.K. began folding in on itself- bending and twisting into complex shapes, like a piece of planetary origami. After a minute or so, the C.O.C.K. had finished transforming- into the shape of a gigantic human penis. At the 'tip' of this monstrous superweapon, was a massive cannon, capable of decimating an entire planet.

Transforming the C.O.C.K. in such a rapid and violent way killed approximately 80% of the population of the synthetic planet; but G-4323 didn't care. If he couldn't have the Legume- then neither could the Waifurian Empire.

"Today is the day that the Waifurian Empire dies," G-4323 shrieked, raising his arms to the sky, as he began tilting the giant penis away from Ghetsin 3 and into the sky. He was aiming for the Earth.

Rick Hernia crashed into G-4323, headbutting him out of his concentration. The two began to struggle mid-air, assaulting one another with their respective energies. The heat from the two supercharged beings lit the atmosphere up like a third sun. G-4323 slugged Rick Hernia in the jaw, then flew up into the stratosphere, channeling electricity to tilt the C.O.C.K. yet again, this time locking onto its target before Rick Hernia could reach him. The two fired volleys of energy at one another, weaving and ducking through the clouds, as the ultimate weapon above them began glowing with a ghostly white light.

Rick Hernia, holding the Legume in one hand, kicked G-4323 in the chest, sending him flying into the upper atmosphere. Rick turned his attention away from G-4323, and towards the superweapon. He needed to take out its power supply. Rick raced out of the atmosphere of Ghetsin 3, burning through the sky, with G-4323 close behind him.

G-4323 struck Rick Hernia's hand, sending the Legume floating out into space. Rick looked up at the ever-brighter C.O.C.K, and then down at the Legume. In a split second decision, he continued streaking upwards towards the malformed planet. G-4323 caught the Legume in his hand, and began gaining on Rick Hernia. G-4323, channeling both the artificial electrical energy of the the C.O.C.K and the natural Omniversal energy of the Legume, began heating up to dangerous temperatures. His synthetic skin began melting off in the blaze, revealing his mechanical skeleton. G-4323 began firing Legumish flamelasers from his eye, causing Rick Hernia to zigzag across the exterior of the C.O.C.K to dodge them.

The two supercharged entities raced across the surface of the C.O.C.K with such speed and heat that they left trails of melted metal in their wake. Rick was aiming for the very tip of the shaft, where the Combine Imperial Palace sat, at the precipice of the charging weapon. G-4323 saw this, and accelerated up to Rick, smashing him at lightspeed into the Imperial Palace.

The two now stood in a broken, crumbling Imperial Throne room. The corpse of Emperor Xos lay rotting in the throne- judging by the state of decay on his body, he had been dead for centuries. Rick turned to G-4323 in genuine disbelief. G-4323 now began cackling, shooting a bolt of Legumish electricity at the Emperor's body, vaporizing it.

"Yes, Mister Hernia. It's been me, all along! Pulling all of the strings. I ordered the assault on Earth. And I would do it ten thousand times again. I know what must be done to save the Omniverse from him- from the Mummy."

"You're insane," Rick retorted, scanning the room for any sort of an emergency shutoff for the weapon. he didn't see one.

"Emperor Xos didn't understand... the Advisors didn't understand... and you don't understand! You could never understand!", G-4323 screamed, channeling his rage into a Legumish Firebolt which stunned Rick Hernia, dropping him to the ground. G-4323 floated above him, holding the Legume in one hand. With a tendril of electricity, he lifted Rick Hernia off of the ground, and facing him outside of the Imperial Throne room.

"Come. Watch with me. Watch your evil empire... fall," G-4323 said, as tendrils of electricity wrapped around Rick Hernia's limbs. Rick Hernia watched in horror as the weapon, fully charged, fired into the cosmos. A great beam of blinding white light shot away from them, headed towards Earth.

Rick felt himself losing consciousness in the tight electrical grasp of G-4323, his Legumish fire flickering. As he watched the beam fire into the void, Rick felt a renewed sense of hatred flooding through his body. A he looked down at his arms, and saw his flames shift from a cyan blue to a deep purple. Bursting free from his electrical chains, Rick Hernia tore off G-4323's arm in which he held the Legume, and shot out of the window, with great purple flames bursting from his feet like magnificent solar flares. At lightspeed, Rick Hernia tore through space alongside the massive energy beam, advancing on it. Rick gained enough distance to be neck-and-neck with the massive planet-destroying laser, and then quickly pivoted around, holding his hands out, and managed to slow the beam's advance. he felt the skin melting off of his hands, as the Legumish fire was doused by the massive, synthetic laser.

The beam of energy pushed Rick through space at lightspeed, smashing his body through asteroids and rogue planets, as it barreled towards its destination, Earth. Rick pushed with all of his might, watching his hands burning to crisps. out of the corner of his eye, Rick saw Neptune fly by. With one hand against the energy Beam, Rick raised the Legume to his mouth- and ate it.

In an instant, a massive ball of primordial Employeric energy exploded around Rick, deflecting the Beam directly backwards into the C.O.C.K. Rick raced back towards the C.O.C.K, getting a headstart on the beam. He shot directly into the now-dormant superweapon's center, tearing through the center of the C.O.C.K, and disabling all of its planetary shields. He shot out the other end, and pivoted around in space several hundred kilometers away, watching the Combine's home base explode in a fiery, climactic cloud of shrapnel.

Epilogue

The Combine was severely crippled after this, with no clear leaders left to lead and no clear base to call home. The Waifurian Empire had won, again. They had invaded and destroyed the Combine- killing billions of sentients in the process. The Waifurian Empire celebrated this victory with a grand festival on Ghetsin 3, with the Mummy in attendance. Millings, Francis, Maldives, Keith Cumshoes, and Rick Hernia recieved Imperial Medals of Honor for their heroic actions in the war. A state funeral was held for General Raxus, and Quincy Himbrox spent ten years in jail- and came out a reformed man.

After some years, the Combine Empire would reorganize, although it would never reach the level of power it had once had. With the Combine out of the way, the Waifurian Empire was free to conquer the entire local Supercluster- which they did.

And as for G-4323, well, while his body may have been destroyed by his own laser, his words of warning about the Waifurian Empire- about the end of the Omniverse- proved to have been prescient indeed. G-4323 tried to warn them... he tried to warn them all... to prepare for...

Unforeseen Consequences.