Uranian Rebellion

A fire spreads across the lower levels of Ourana's South Precinct.

The Uranian Rebellion was a 999,989 AB uprising of the Uranian Gas Corporation and Urano-Neptunian Government, the Commonwealth of Uranian Municipalities, against the dictatorial rule of the OmniStar Corporation Incarnate Corporatus.

The Rotter was haggard and foul.

Uranian Incursion

The Third Great META War was 30 years in with no signs of stopping. As the Waifurian Enclave wrought rot across the Omniverse, and as stars fizzled out and solar systems crumbled, Supreme Enclavical Overlord Joe Biden, reinvigorated with the wicked energies of the Aubergine, sought to bring about the Waifurian Empire once again. Many forces had aligned against this cause; in fact, nearly the entire Omniverse, apart from corrupt soulless sellouts, united to fight against the resurging rot that once had been.

One aforementioned corporate sellout was the mayor of Ourana, Uranus; Jishi Ravelle, whose tenure in the position was fast approaching 900,000 years, an unprecedented length of time to rule a territory.

Over this period of time, Jishi herself had made many connections across the Omniverse, shaking hands and posing for photo ops with all sorts of rogue capitalist freaks. She sold the Uranian gas to whoeever would buy it- no questions asked- including, with the onset of GMW3, the Enclave. These transfers were tax-exempt under rotten Milky-Andromedan fuel laws.

After the purchasing of the Sol System by OmniStar founder R.R.R.R. in 999,941 AB, Jishi had quite pathetically resigned herself to being a puppet dog of OmniStar; and, following R.R.R.R's unfortunate dissapearance on Exegar, obeyed the sentient incarnation of the intergalactic gigaconglomerate, which had deemed itself Corporatus.

Under new Management

The people of Uranus had, over 40,000 fucking generations, grown somewhat weary of the roten behavior of their matriarch. This all came to a head with the Uranian Decommissioning Announcement of 999,988 AB, in which Corporatus announced all citizens of Uranus would be relocated to the core world Zerrion, and the planet would be used as a massive battery to fuel the Enclave's war efforts. Jishi did not protest this, deeply angering her citizens. The mayor's approval rating hit a dismally low .2%.

Corporatus justified the expatriation of Uranus by citing Zerrion as the ancestral homeland of many Uranians; however, most residents of Ourana had never fucking stepped foot on the Zerri homeworld due to draconian anti-emigration measures instituted by OmniStar upon their purchasing of the system.

And so, in 999,989 AB, for the first time in Omniversal History, Jishi Ravelle faced an opponent in the election- endorsed, humiliatingly to her, by the Uranian Gas Company (still privately owned by a certain 'Leosis Trust Fund', much to the chagrin of Corporatus). The Uranian Gas Company's CEO, one Mr. Hunter Biden, announced his candidacy on June 3, 999,989, and deposed the Mayor in a landslide election the following week. Hunter - 99.3%. Jishi - .06%

Corporatusian Rage

Corporatus declared this election illegitimate and ordered Hunter Biden surrender to the authorities immediately. Mr. Biden, with the backing of the populations of Uranus and Neptune, declined; in fact, he rebuked Corporatus and declared independence from the OmniStar Union. He threatened to withhold Uranian and Neptunian Gas supplies and to attack all OmniStar transports which entered the airspace if his election were not recognized. This was Grand, and was noted by the Employers as having been 'unprecedented'.

Mysteriously, several Enclave Planetscourge starships just happened to find their way into the Sol System soon after Hunter's declaration. They immediately began bombaring Ourana, targeting its anti-grav generators, which kept the city afloat. The people of the city began panicking.

Hunter Biden had been many things in his life. A tyrant, a murderer, and a warmonger. But one thing he had never been was a quitter. And so Hunter immediately trained the Capitol's Air Defense system on the nearest Enclave shuttle and fired away.

Under OmniStar's 'binding' Planet-Protection Contract (PPC), any planet that came under attack by a foreign entity would be immediately defended and assisted by the OmniStar Corporation until such threat was vanquished. However, Corporatus may or may not have in fact been the one who invited the Enclave troops to Uranus; and thus, a violation of the OmniStar treaty became apparent. As the battle raged on in the skies of Uranus, various other systems took note of OmniStar's negligence to intervene in the bombardments; and so began to question their 'safety' under the rule of Corporatus.

Triumphant Assistance

Sixty days into the fighting, Ourana's western boroughs had all but fallen into the core of the planet, dangling by wires to the main landmass. The Uranians could fend off the Enclave's attacks, but it seemed that for every ship they vanquished, another would replace it. That is until the arrival of the Rick Hernia and the Warshippers, who had tracked the Enclave shuttles back to the Sol System. Rick's Legumish Flames engulfed the Enclave vessels, sending them spiralling down into the Uranian atmosphere.

Rick fought his way through hordes of Enclave cultists to the Capitol Palace, where he found Hunter Biden consulting with several veterans from past wars. Hunter expected Rick to attack him; he collapsed into a ball, cowering at the spiritual lyricality of Richard Marcus Hernandez III. However, no such thing occured. Instead, Rick Hernia offered his hand to Hunter.

"We've found your father, Mr. Biden," said Rick, helping Hunter up.

Hunter looked around at the crumbling capitol palace; listened to the screeching of Enclave missiles rocking the city to and fro.

"This is him, isn't it?" Hunter asked. Rick nodded.

"The Enclave," Rick began, "the invasions, the Omniverse rotting from its very atomic structure- it's all him. it's always been him. Gods, if I'd only known, all those moons ago..."

Hunter hung his head.

Rick pulled Hunter aside.

"We'll take care of him, don't worry. But first, I have a small favor to ask- and by favor, I mean order..."

Corporatus' teeth were stolen from an unknown corpse.

A Devilish Surprise

Corporatus could not compute the sudden and total evacuation of the Uranian population from Ourana in the midst of the bombardment. Somehow, the civilian populous- along with the Warshippers- had dissapeared almost instantaneously from Uranus. He decided to head down to the Uranus to investigate. His sleek silver exoskeleton shimmered in the sunlight. He stepped over broken glass- the plaza was still. Too still.

And then, a monumentous, planet-shattering explosion echoed out across the plaza. Corporatus swung his head around- deducing that the sound had come not from North, not from East, not from South, not from West- but from Up. To his horror, a massive explosion, too big to have occurred in the atmosphere- too large and distant to have been even one of Uranus' moons- lit up the daytime sky with a brilliant white light.

G-0001 emerged from a white void as debris tore into the Uranian atmosphere, flanked by the G-Man and G-Man (Timefracture Alpha).

"Corporatus, in the flesh... or rather..." G-0001 sneered at the former's metallic body, "In the imitation body."

"Government Agents..." Corporatus took a step back, his eyes flicking from the G-Men to the increasingly massive explosion in the sky- "Here... how... undetected? Who do you work for?"

"Not who, Mr. Corporatus," said the G-Man, sipping from a box of chicken stock, "but When."

"I'm assuming you gentlemen have something to do with the massive explosion occurring in the sky?" Corporatus asserted. G-Man Alpha giggled.

"Why of course, my dearie. I am glad your supreme intellect has not rendered your metal skull impermeable to context clues."

The air grew thick and hot. The light dimmed from the sky as the sun crested below the horizon, and the explosion came into better view. Winds whipped up across the city- unusual for night.

And then Corporatus sensed it. It was as if a part of his brain had died; a small part, but a close one. And he knew, in that instant, it would never come back on.

Ourana shook violently, tipping slightly upwards. The explosion had grown to cover half of the sky, a deep blue hue, with streaks of red shining through it. And at the center of it all, a bright, impossibly bright light- which Corporatus recognized, immediately, as a Neutron Star. But the sun had just set...

"What...?" the all-knowing AI was dumbfounded.

G-0001 sighed.

"Time..." he drew his breath - "...bomb."

Neptune had been detonated.

The wind tore stronger and stronger against the AI's body, and he looked down at his fingers to see, to his surprise, that they were... melting.

"You may want to evacuate, my dearie," G-Man Alpha crooned, "This planet is no longer stable."

Immolation

Uranus was swallowed into the hidden neutron Star that had appeared where Neptune once had been , sucked down and devoured by the pulsating bright light. The pulsing neutron star emitted low, ear-splitting screams and shrieks, and occassionally shot out a lash of bright green light. This star was Nemesis.

Nemesis soon drifted out of the Solar System, free-falling towards Sagittarius A.

Welcome Home

The G-Men opened a massive white door onto the picturesque plaza of Ourana, welcoming the people of Uranus back home.

"Apologies for the inconvience, my dearies," G-Man Alpha said, patting them on their shoulders, "Everything has been cleaned up, now. No one will bother you here."

One man stopped, and furrowed his brow, turning to look at the G-Man.

"What do you mean, no one will bother us here?"

"You're safe."

The white door blipped out of existence, and so did the G-Men.The people of Uranus were happily (albeit, mystifyingly and mpossibly) back home at the plaza... exactly how it had been before the Enclave Invasion and the destruction of Uranus. Great Mysteries were afoot....