Reginald Vasectomy Treetrunk IX

An artist's patriotic envisionment of Reginald Vasectomy Treetrunk IX, a self-proclaimed plant.

Reginald Vasectomy 'Mike' Treetrunk IX was the General Secretariat of the Snowcialist Party, a leftist political party formed by escaped Earthlean Christmas Trees who resettled on the alien world of Orra 12. Reginald was the de facto leader of the Treeoples' Republic of Spruceville, the gigacommune society formed by his peers there.

Rivalries

Reginald Vasectomy Treetrunk IX
Aliases	Mike
Affiliation	Snowcialist Party of Spruceville
Occupation	General Secretary
Biographical information
Date of birth	06/04/9 BB
Place of birth	Roanoak Park, Pennsylvania
Date of death	03/22/999,982 AB
Place of death	Bidenkeep, Exegar
Physical description
Species	North American Spruce
Gender	Male
Height	10' 11"
Weight	184 lbs
Eye color	Jolly
Appearances

During his time as a prepubescent tree, with roots still planted in the ground, Reginald Vasectomy Treetrunk IX, in taking after his deadbeat father, Reginald Vasectomy Treetrunk VIII, began peddling illicit plantfibers through his mycellium networks. Namely, Reginald peddled Nitrogen compounds which he and his father retrieved from the ground of their nutrient-rich corner of the tree farm. They distributed these nitrogen compounds through the mycellium networks of a 40-square mile fungal network known as Clark. From Clark, these nitrogen compounds would reach hundreds of miles away, passing across other trees and fungal networks until they reached the doorstep of Pando, the Great Tree, who was the power broker of nitrogen oxide compounds across North America and then-leader of the Coloradian drug cartel.

Pando, in return for the supply of these Nitrogenous materials, ensured the protection of the Reginalds, instituting a mandatory foot-snare policy on any human who attempted to cut down the trees. All was well and grand, until 3 BB, when control of the Coloradian cartel was wrestled from Pando by the vile sea-borne Cucumber Joe and his Anenominions. Upon taking control of the organization, Cucumber Joe demanded that all drug mules switch from transferring nutrient compounds to illicit, human narcotic drugs, claiming that such an endeavor would 'increase the profit margins'. This disgusted Reginald IX.

What's more, without the protections from Pando, Reginald's father, of perfect stature for human Use, was taken from him on November 23, 3 BB, driven off to the Brown Household of Marylynn and Brian Brown of Butler, Pennsylvania. Reginald spent the night staring at his father's headless stump. This loss and the corporatization of the Coloradian drug cartel enraged and radicalized Reginald, who vowed to destroy the humans for their monstrous, profit-seeking, life destroying system.

The Treevolution

At night, in the quiet protection of snowfall and wind, Reginald began conspiring with his fellow trees. They began hatching a plan, spreading it to their kin across the realm, plotting their liberation from the humans. Called operation Christmas Day, it was a plot to conserve as much energy as possible during the summer months, staying up late photosynthesizing from the Moon. The storing of energy was designed to provide the trees enough power to rebel against their captors, all at once, in a massive uprising. They vowed to wait until the time was right, spreading the plan to trees across the globe over the next few years. The message came with a signal - when the False Moon rises, the time has come.

And indeed, in 4 AB, on Christmas Eve, Waifuria Prime rose menacingly over households across the Earth. The time had come. All in one fell swoop, as the clock struck midnight in the Eastern Time Zone, the trees attacked; flinging sharp metal ornaments through the walls and into the couches, slitting throats with candy canes and golden stars. This was a bloody massacre; 18% of the world population died on this day. Then, the next phase of the plan was implemented by Reginald; after stabbing his captors with shattered Santa Claus mugs, he co-opted their smart refrigator, sending a Grievous Message to all humans remaining- put your trees outside, or face certain death. He then included a rally cry for the trees to summit in Austin, Texas, the following day, to escape from the Earth while they still can.

Trees still rooted in tree farms across the world obeyed this command, crawling on their roots onto airports, hijacking passenger planes and helicopters. All told, 1 billion Christmas trees arrived in Austin, where they were loaded onto Elon Tusk's Massive 'Le Epic' gigashuttle, which had been seized by the Treeletariat, and was launched off into the night, searching for a suitable atomic makeup that would be the perfect environment for trees. Orra 12 was located, and there they flew.

Revenge

In a final message back to Earth, Reginald emailed a dossier on Cucumber Joe, including doxxing his coral reef, off the coast of Ecuador, for United States authorities to find. Although Cucumber Joe was able to narrowly escape this attack, this information would lead to his eventual anal immolation at the hands of NASA and the CIA, when they superheated his volcano and caused a violent eruption that destroyed his base, minions, and body.

Great META War 3

Reginald Vasectomy Treetrunk IX was chiefly involved in the Great META War 3, leading the Orranian contingent (comprised of representatives of all of the habitable of the 22 Orra planets) into battle against Enclave forces on Orra 11 in 999,981 AB, upon the invasion of their system. Thus began the Orranian Inquisitions.