Rotter F. Kennedy Jr.

Rotter communicating with Charlize (Unrequested)

Rotter Fodder Kennedy Jr. (Not to be confused with The Rotter) was a politician, environmental lawyer, and Combine-19 Virus skeptic who was he son of famed American Senator Robert F. Kennedy. Unlike his father, Rotter F. Kennedy Jr. had a parasitic brainworm named Charlize fastened inside of his skull. The brainworm slowly ate away at his faculties over the course of his life, driving him mad with visions of the Andromeda Galaxy and of Fifth-Dimensional Windowjinx. The brainworm also convinced Kennedy that the War Crime Emporium was a sovereign state and that it had jurisdiction over the territory it claimed on historically British lands.

Eventually, in 103 AB, after a chance viewing of the Hulphlocke Impotum's exquisitiorium, Rotter's brain exploded on the sidewalk. Paramedics rushed to his aid, with sewing needles and duct tape in hand, and managed to fasten the small pieces of Kennedy's brain back together into something somewhat recognizable. However, they had made a crucial error in restructuring Kennedy's brain, in that Charlize was not included. In fact, she was left to die on the curb beside a smelly garbage can. Charlize was run over by a kebab trolley and was never heard from again.

Kennedy, brain agape and missing the crucial wisdoms once provided by his dear friendoid, began to spiral with all the learning he could do, locking himself in his chambers and poring over Waifurian Aeronautics & Space Agency (WASA) data logs from alien worlds. He began reading about the Ghetsin System, and found Ghetsin 2 rather peculiar. However, Ghetsin 3 far outpaced it in intrigue. And after he had completed reading all information on the Intragalactic Web on Ghetsin 3, his brain was once more complete, having made much new knowledge, and miraculously healed itself from the Charlize Treatment.

Kennedy was puzzled by the Ghetsin system because there was no Ghetsin 4. This he noted with grand mysteriousity, and dedicated himself to hunting down as much information as he could about this missing planet. Not much existed. Waifurian Records clearly stated no such planet had ever existed, and never would exist. Well, this displeased RFK. He had a genius idea by realizing that somebody numbered the planets of the Ghetsin System- and Somebody chose to number them '2,3,5'. But they wouldn't have done that, would they have? That would be bizarre. No sane person would intentionally skip a number when numbering planets like that.

And so Kennedy closed his eyes, enabling much stillness and concentration to course through his body. He felt the familair connection he had come to know with Charlize reform. However, this connection to the other dimensions had not been a facilitation of Charlize. Rather, she had only encouraged the resonance cascade inside of Kennedy's head to remain constantly active. But now, after much studarium of the Ghetsin system, Kennedy knew what he felt was a Legumish connection- a strong Legumish Connection, in fact. the Legume spoke unto him now.

"You are wise, Young Kennedy," a figure spoke from the Legume's side, "You know much of the Legume's strength. And what's more - you have unlocked this system's secret."

Kennedy gasped, as the figure stepped away, revealing the pale blue crescent of a planet behind them.

"Only but one individual shall ever be entrusted with this classified information," the figure whispered, "The Employers have deemed it so."

"O, great Legume," bowed Kennedy, "What is this knowledge you speak of?"

The crescent of the planet began shifting, revealing more and more of the deep blue edge of this mysterious world as sunlight bathed its hemisphere.

"Long ago, The Ghetsin System was home to the perfect number of planets- Five. In these early days, Todd and Ghetsin were locked, at the beginning, in a tight, violent orbit around one another, tearing matter from one another and shending coronas across one anothers faces. Their gravitational pull was anomalous, contradictory, and, in some cases, altogether far too much to bear."

"O , great Legume," Kennedy pled, "Tell me, what happened to Ghetsin 4?"

"Well, my dear-" the mystical figure continued, "Ghetsin 4 was flung far, far away from the Ghetsin-Todd System, travelling for many eons through the cold darkness of space, without a friend to meet, without a soul to see."

"Where is it?"

"The figure guided Robert's hand and pointed his finger towards the floor."

"This way," The mystical figure whispered, "This way, it awaits you."

"Shall I come-"

Kennedy's seance was rudely interrupted by a Waifurian Tank tearing down the library door, frightening the librarians on duty, and firing a single-round synthetic brainworm onto Kennedy's skull. The lab-grown animal was more ferocious than Charlize; and immediately dug its way into Kennedy's temple, burrowing itself in Charlize's old nook and preparing to nibble once more on Kennedy's brain. As such, the Kennedine Threat was neutralized as Rotter returned to his regularly scheduled warhawkery and campognotisms. As his consciousness melted out of his ears, his many years of studying the cosmos with it, it had been ensured that the Ghetsin 4 Truths remained a mystery for many eons more.

Keith Cumshoes sighed and kicked his feet up on the tank's dash, taking a hit from a dubious Kush Blunt. "There ya go," he grumbled into a microphone, "I shot a leech at the old man. Are you happy?"

"Very..." a wheezing, diatrobical voice replied, "Very happy, indeed."

Late Life

Following the collapse of Waifuria and the subsequent rise of Neo-Aeternia, Rotter F. Kennedy, someone with zero public health experience or knowledge of biology, anatomy, or disease prevention, was chosen as a 'Supremely Qualified and Excellent Candidate' to run the Imperial Center for Death Control (designed to prevent death) by the Magarrish All-Knowance. This resulted in a Beasles epidemic throughout MAGAZONE 5 that resulted in 452 million deaths and the elimination of Birch Trees. Rotter was was eventually tried and convicted for committing negligent genocide by the Worlds Without Boundaries Peoples' Court in 999,994 AB, to which he pled 'Brainworm-Rotted' and was acquitted by Justice Not-A-Combine (Formerly of the United States Supreme Court).