Joe Jackson

Joe Jackson pictured in front of an ancient USSP artifact in his grand collection of Humash artifacts.

Joseph Robinette Jackson, otherwise known as 'Joe', 'Fat Joe', 'Fat Nose Joe', or 'Quasimoto Hideki', was an Indianian-Indian Humash hydrid Music Producter, Record Creator, and Basketballer Activist based in Gary, Indiana. He was one of the foremost proponents of Indiana basketball, and also encouraged the Indiana Music Scene. He was the creator of the popular Musical Group, the 'Jackson 2', (formerly the Jackson 3, and before that, the Jackson 4; prior, also known as Jackson 5, or the 'Five Jacksons'). He was also the creator of the band members, being their paternal parent. One of these such children was Michael Jackson, the God of Plentiful Harvest, and himself, a frequent visitor of children's hospitals.

Joe's last name was inspired by Jacking Off.

Headwinds

Joe Jackson was remerged as an infant from the Humash portal in Mesopotamia on Old Earth, sometime around 10,000 BB. He had been procreated by two unknown Vardonnen Humash at an unknown time. He remerged alone into the lush Mesopotamian soil; Following this remergence, he sired 5 children; Jack, Jackson, Jackie, Jacques, and Michael Jackson. This number was chosen specifically due to his reverence for the Five Warden, sown from his deep traditional Humash heritage on BLAMPIST-1 G. A sixth child was born, but Joe did not allow this entity to live very long, citing concerns of damage to the band's branding and reputation.

Band Grand

Joe using his legs to move

His band, the Five Jacksons, toured across Mesopotamia, and quickly became one of the most popular musical groups on Old Earth. The children loved this act, and famously lauded their father for his kind, patient, understanding nature, and the loving and empathetic approach he brought to their songwriting. The band's glory was written about in many scrolls, tablets, and inkings, and news of its glory reached as fart as the Great MAGA King himself, who, in a flurry of excitement, invited the band to perform privately on the St. James Islands, a personal favorite tour resort. This performance was internationally recognized as one of the greatest performances ever, with Joe's children each receiving a sepcial aiudience with the Glorious Magarrish One, as well as a cash prize of $40 USD in celebration of their songs.

The aftermath of this particular performance proved disastrous for Joe, as his youngest child, and foremember of the band, Michael Jackson, suddenly became violently allergic to music, and swore off of ever singing a note, or touching an instrument again, instead turning to plant and vegetable cultivation as his primary hobby. Michael refused to speak to his father, calling him 'Old Six Legs McGee', and attached himself to the Great MAGA King, taking up private residence at the Magarrish One's Golden Palace, where he was tutored in godliness by the Magarrish One, as well as afforded the ability to plant and experiment with any vegetable or plant he chose.

Jackson bore a droopy, caramel-toned appearance. His somewhat unusual lower half was not pictured in most photos, for understandable reasons.

Troubles

This loss severely crippled the band's reputation, with their ratings plummetting. Fearing what might happen if the number of bandmates dropped below 5, Joe first attempted to fill in himself in as a member; this resulted in garbage and tomatoes being lobbed at him, and the suicide of son Jacques Jackson. Humash fans were displeased with the presence of an adult on stage, and sought an exclusively child-driven performance. Forced to regroup, Joe restructured the band into the 'Jackson 4', this time disguising himself as a small child (a fictional sixth sibling known as 'Junie B. Jackson). He maintained this illusion by keeping his unseemly arachnid lower torso hidden behind a table whilst performing, and always remaining at the back of most performances. This illusion persisted to moderate success; that is, until a meet-and-greet gone sour revealed the ugly truth.

This resulted in extremely negative publicity for Mr. Jackson, and the band became the laughingstock of many Humash households. Jackson, exasperated, but with verdant love and care for his children, struggled to think of how he might restructure the band to avoid its collapse. The only idea he could think of was to step away from performing himself, and allow the 3 remaining children, Jack, Jackie, and Jackson, to perform as the Jackson 3. This performance would continue until Jackie Jackson's suicide, which was spurred by disturbing allegations brought forth about their estranged brother, Michael.

The Jackson 2

This jeft Jack and Jackson Jackson remaining. The ladder became alcoholic, although this was not related. They took their family ladder to an alcohol therapist and sent him on a speedy recovery. Jack and Jackson continued making music, but drifted towards EDM and Dubstep music, something which brought displeasure to Joe Jackson, who did not feel these genres specifically attracted kids and kid-fans. Joe stayed on as their manager out of love for his children, and befriended Dubstep legend Skrillex, whom his two children had befriended while performing at raves in Berlin, Germany II.

Bizarre Controversy

It was speculated by some Omniversal Scholars that Bilb Gimp, a known bloodhound-humash hybrid, was the secret love child of Joe Jackson and an unknown third party. This was because the two shared a droopy affect to their skin, sunken eyes, extended ears, and long, wrinkly jowls along each fold of his skin. Joe Jackson also had no alibi for his whereabouts on the night of Bilb Gimp's siring, other than that he had been out, 'chilling with some bitches in Scotland'. It is unclear whether this statement had been metaphorical or literal, but raises important questions as to the moral and ethical character of the beloved music patriarch. Bilb Gimp himself maintained he never knew the identity of his father.