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[[File:Callistoconch.png|thumb|404x404px|Callisto Conch, as imagined by Visualizers. ]] | |||
The Callisto Conch (nee. Albertson) was an alleged mythological uberbeing said to have resided on [[Jupiter]]'s Moon, [[Callisto|Callisto.]] It reportedly towered at nearly 50 feet tall, with massive, ethereal tendrils growing outward everywhich way. It was fabled to provide political consult and stock trading advice (as well as anomalous instructions) to those unlucky enough to encounter its mastecular malpresence. It was not evil; but it was not good. It was said to have been renowned for inflicting insanties upon those unlucky enough to encounter it while wandering the barren Callisto dune seas. [[Jeff Brown]] was one of the more prominent figures who was enticed, or claimed to have been enticed, by the Callisto Conch. | The Callisto Conch (nee. Albertson) was an alleged mythological uberbeing said to have resided on [[Jupiter]]'s Moon, [[Callisto|Callisto.]] It reportedly towered at nearly 50 feet tall, with massive, ethereal tendrils growing outward everywhich way. It was fabled to provide political consult and stock trading advice (as well as anomalous instructions) to those unlucky enough to encounter its mastecular malpresence. It was not evil; but it was not good. It was said to have been renowned for inflicting insanties upon those unlucky enough to encounter it while wandering the barren Callisto dune seas. [[Jeff Brown]] was one of the more prominent figures who was enticed, or claimed to have been enticed, by the Callisto Conch. | ||
=== Early Sightings === | === Early Sightings === | ||
The Earliest known sighting of the Callisto Conch was by a [[Jupiter Mining Company]] (JMC) Forager, Edward Mordrake Jr. Mordrake alleged to have seen a 'mighty large, glowing fishy thing' in the skies of [[Callisto]] while foraging for ancient Callisto Coral Coal. However, none of his crewmates nor his Lloyd Droid affirmed this claim; thusly rendering Mordrake's statements rather unreliable. In fact, Mordrake was reported to the [[Ganymede Factoid Burrow]] for reporting erroneous 'factoids'; this resulted in his expulsion from JMC and, unfortunately, led to his and his family's death in a crow-murder suicide. | The Earliest known sighting of the Callisto Conch was by a [[Jupiter Mining Company]] (JMC) Forager, Edward Mordrake Jr. Mordrake alleged to have seen a 'mighty large, glowing fishy thing' in the skies of [[Callisto]] while foraging for ancient Callisto Coral Coal. However, none of his crewmates nor his [[Lloyd Droid]] affirmed this claim; thusly rendering Mordrake's statements rather unreliable. In fact, Mordrake was reported to the [[Ganymede Factoid Burrow]] for reporting erroneous 'factoids'; this resulted in his expulsion from JMC and, unfortunately, led to his and his family's death in a crow-murder suicide. | ||
The second sighting of the Callisto Conch was conducted by a Richard Patterson, a hiker from Virginia who came to see the Callisto Craters. He ran low on water and oxygen, and while freezing on the surface, reported to have seen a large shell decend from the sky and report the location of the nearest petrol station. When he made it to the nearby 8/11 Petrol Station, he reported this shell to the cashier; who prompty informed him he had a case of the "Callisto Cooties' and would require medication. Patterson was retrieved by a Jovian Hospitalship, restrained, and was never seen again. | |||
Callisto Conch was even spotted once from a group of tourists on Io; they saw a faint, glowing cloud on the silhouette of Callisto. 'mommy, what's that?" asked a little girl, gesturing up at Callisto. "It must be Aurora Borealis," replied the disgusting Humash Mother. | |||
Sightings of the Conch were few and far between, and its validity was never properly confirmed. However, one common thread existed between each alleged 'seer'- some sort of mental or physical illness, and an aversion to Gamma Radiation. | |||
== Alleged Effects == | |||
The alleged effects of the Callisto Conch were as follows: | |||
Heart Palpitations | |||
Dizziness | |||
Nausea | |||
Stomach Indigestion | |||
Delusional Thinking | |||
Depression | |||
Anxiety | |||
Full-Body Experience | |||
Delusions | |||
Political Rightward Leanings | |||
== Visible Appearance == | |||
The Callisto Conch was reported in several ways; from a simple, ghostly standard conch, to a brilliant, tentacled cosmic entity (Similar to the [[Cosmograph Pintelluce]]). However, one consistency was the presence of spikes along its body. [[Jeff Brown]] claimed these spikes transmitted radio frequencies; this was unverified. | |||
[[Category:Cryptoids]] | |||
Latest revision as of 16:53, 7 April 2026
The Callisto Conch (nee. Albertson) was an alleged mythological uberbeing said to have resided on Jupiter's Moon, Callisto. It reportedly towered at nearly 50 feet tall, with massive, ethereal tendrils growing outward everywhich way. It was fabled to provide political consult and stock trading advice (as well as anomalous instructions) to those unlucky enough to encounter its mastecular malpresence. It was not evil; but it was not good. It was said to have been renowned for inflicting insanties upon those unlucky enough to encounter it while wandering the barren Callisto dune seas. Jeff Brown was one of the more prominent figures who was enticed, or claimed to have been enticed, by the Callisto Conch.
Early Sightings
edit edit sourceThe Earliest known sighting of the Callisto Conch was by a Jupiter Mining Company (JMC) Forager, Edward Mordrake Jr. Mordrake alleged to have seen a 'mighty large, glowing fishy thing' in the skies of Callisto while foraging for ancient Callisto Coral Coal. However, none of his crewmates nor his Lloyd Droid affirmed this claim; thusly rendering Mordrake's statements rather unreliable. In fact, Mordrake was reported to the Ganymede Factoid Burrow for reporting erroneous 'factoids'; this resulted in his expulsion from JMC and, unfortunately, led to his and his family's death in a crow-murder suicide.
The second sighting of the Callisto Conch was conducted by a Richard Patterson, a hiker from Virginia who came to see the Callisto Craters. He ran low on water and oxygen, and while freezing on the surface, reported to have seen a large shell decend from the sky and report the location of the nearest petrol station. When he made it to the nearby 8/11 Petrol Station, he reported this shell to the cashier; who prompty informed him he had a case of the "Callisto Cooties' and would require medication. Patterson was retrieved by a Jovian Hospitalship, restrained, and was never seen again.
Callisto Conch was even spotted once from a group of tourists on Io; they saw a faint, glowing cloud on the silhouette of Callisto. 'mommy, what's that?" asked a little girl, gesturing up at Callisto. "It must be Aurora Borealis," replied the disgusting Humash Mother.
Sightings of the Conch were few and far between, and its validity was never properly confirmed. However, one common thread existed between each alleged 'seer'- some sort of mental or physical illness, and an aversion to Gamma Radiation.
Alleged Effects
edit edit sourceThe alleged effects of the Callisto Conch were as follows:
Heart Palpitations
Dizziness
Nausea
Stomach Indigestion
Delusional Thinking
Depression
Anxiety
Full-Body Experience
Delusions
Political Rightward Leanings
Visible Appearance
edit edit sourceThe Callisto Conch was reported in several ways; from a simple, ghostly standard conch, to a brilliant, tentacled cosmic entity (Similar to the Cosmograph Pintelluce). However, one consistency was the presence of spikes along its body. Jeff Brown claimed these spikes transmitted radio frequencies; this was unverified.