Downward Spiral

Downward Spiral

The Downward Spiral was a quantum-fluctuated infinite gravitational whirpool in the region of Oceania on Earth.

Origin

Following the Glue Factory Incident and the spawning of the Albuquerque Black Hole Cluster, Australia’s natural gravitational anomaly was greatly affected. Caught between the Australian Gravitational Anomaly and the Black Hole Cluster, spacetime began to bend and twist in a manner similar to the way a slug acts when salt is poured on it.

This resulted in the entire nation of Australia and some surrounding areas (Unfortunately not including New Zealand) to sink into the ground infinitely via quantum tunneling and spin like a washing machine with a brick in it, creating the infinitely spinning neverending hell known as the Downward Spiral.

Properties

As a raging gravity whirlpool, the Downward Spiral could not be killed.

Theories spawned from successful tests (which were very rare) that those who fell into the Downward Spiral did not die, but were instead subjected to a perceived eternity with their mass spread across the width of the spiral.

Biden’s Blunder

Despite calls for caution from the United Nations, in 4 AB North American Overlord Biden of Waifuria sent scientific teams to study the Downward Spiral. This resulted in over 700 of the world’s greatest minds being lost to the Downward Spiral. Some described this as Unforeseen Consequences for the rotten-minded Mummy.

This was a massive blunder for Biden’s reputation; however, he managed to pull the public back to his side by comparing the Downward Spiral to a spinning top toy in the middle of a speech entirely unrelated to the Spiral.

Taft Incident

Only one person has ever escaped the Downward Spiral, that being William Taft. Mr. Taft had leaned over the side of his boat (Taft and his men were on an illegal fishing trip to collect spotted dick) to get a better view of the Downward Spiral. However, William’s own gravitational pull reacted in an unpleasant manner with the Downward Spiral and caused him to fall overboard. Luckily for Mr. Taft, his foot had gotten itself stuck on the ship’s railing leaving only his head submerged in the Downward Spiral. The strength of Taft’s own girth and the Downward Spiral caused the ship to tilt to a 130 degree angle. An emergency helicopter was sent to rescue Taft, however once he was pulled free the ship launched backward sending the crew of the ship into the waters surrounding the Downward Spiral.

A rescue attempt was considered by the helicopter crew, however they were suddenly deposited 45 million each to bring Taft to the Black Mesa Research Facility. Taft’s ship and it’s inhabitants was left behind and is presumed to have fallen into the Downward Spiral (along with several pounds of precious dick).

Taft’s Accounts of the Downward Spiral

Mr. Taft was left in a coma for 17 years following his dip into the Downward Spiral, however once he awakened, it was clear that having had his consciousness stretched and spun like a prostitute on a bad night in Vegas had not done Mr. Taft much good.

Taft rambled about incoherent nonsense over and over again to himself until the nurses filed a complaint and he was sentenced to solitary confinement within the hospital. Taft’s mind never fully recovered however he managed to speak one normal sentence before dying instantly.

“It’s never ogre.” - William Howard Taft, minutes before succumbing to stage 7 diabetes.