Nancy Baloney: Difference between revisions
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=== Wanted Meat === | === Wanted Meat === | ||
Nancy, now going by the name 'Nan', was stampeding through the streets of Baltimore, crashing into pedestrians and outdoor furniture. Military helicopters were flying overhead, barking for Nancy to stand down over loudspeakers. Nancy, completely deaf, declined this offer, and instead elected to continue barreling down the road, running instinctively South. This internal compass she possessed was an artifact of one of the many unfortunate animals that her flesh had once belonged to. | Nancy, now going by the name 'Nan', was stampeding through the streets of Baltimore, crashing into pedestrians and outdoor furniture. Military helicopters were flying overhead, barking for Nancy to stand down over loudspeakers. Nancy, completely deaf, declined this offer, and instead elected to continue barreling down the road, running instinctively South. This internal compass she possessed was an artifact of one of the many unfortunate animals that her flesh had once belonged to. | ||
=== Pilgrimage === | |||
It just so happened that 40 miles due south of Baltimore was the United States Capital Realm of [[Washington DC|Washington, District of Cock]]. | |||
The Federal Government, seeing the anomalous blob of meat storming towards the Capitol Building, decided to send in the United States Air Force to deal with Nan. Nan, screaming with the vocal chords of four different animals, was struck with several different varieties of airstrike missiles, as well as one Gigatranquilizer (the same mechanism would later be used to sedate the [[Donald Trump (Great MAGA King)|Great MAGA King]]). The weapons either bounced off or traveled straight through Nancy. Nancy eventually made it to the Capitol Steps. Here, she interrupted a campaign event for then-candidate John Fitzgerald Kennedy, by storming onto the stage and destroying the microphone stand. Her mindless groaning and inconcievable screams were televised nationally, courtesy of the JFK 1960 Presidential Campaign. | |||
=== American Brainrot === | |||
Revision as of 04:22, 15 October 2022
| Nancy "Deathmaw" Baloney | |
|---|---|
| Aliases | Madame Speaker
Nan
|
| Affiliation | Blue Corporate Interests Party |
| Occupation | Speaker of the House (40 BB- 1AB) |
| Biographical information | |
| Marital status | Paul Baloney (Husband) |
| Date of birth | March 26, 80 BB |
| Place of birth | Baltimore, Maryland |
| Date of death | January 6, 1 AB |
| Place of death | United States Capitol Building |
| Physical description | |
| Species | Bh'arghorath |
| Gender | Female/Tolpum |
| Height | 16'2 |
| Weight | 1.2 Tons |
| Eye color | N/A |
| Appearances | |
Nancy Baloney (nee. Bologna) was an American politician, and served in the United States House of Representatives for a very long time. As Speaker of the House, and a staunch Blue Corporate Interests Party candidate, Nancy worked tirelessly to... um...
Meat Factory Incident
Nancy was born in 80 BB in Maryland. She was birthed from a freak accident at a Meat Factory, wherein a female worker (Beth) fell into a meat grinder and her conscious was fused with the amorphous animal slop on the conveyor belt. Nancy gained consciousness and immediately began screaming in pain, at her accursed existence as an amalgamation of six different animals, as well as the fractured soul of what had once been a human woman. Poor Beth.
The Authorities were called in to deal with the monstrosity. However, none of their weapons were able to penetrate her thick, cow-horse skin. Eventually, all employees were ordered to evacuate the premises. Mustard gas was deployed into the Animal Friends meat factory.
Unfortunately, this only served to season Nancy, and she was unaffected by the noxious odor. An entirely blind creature, Nancy ran aimlessly around the factory until she ran straight through an aluminum garage door and was unleashed into the world.
Wanted Meat
Nancy, now going by the name 'Nan', was stampeding through the streets of Baltimore, crashing into pedestrians and outdoor furniture. Military helicopters were flying overhead, barking for Nancy to stand down over loudspeakers. Nancy, completely deaf, declined this offer, and instead elected to continue barreling down the road, running instinctively South. This internal compass she possessed was an artifact of one of the many unfortunate animals that her flesh had once belonged to.
Pilgrimage
It just so happened that 40 miles due south of Baltimore was the United States Capital Realm of Washington, District of Cock.
The Federal Government, seeing the anomalous blob of meat storming towards the Capitol Building, decided to send in the United States Air Force to deal with Nan. Nan, screaming with the vocal chords of four different animals, was struck with several different varieties of airstrike missiles, as well as one Gigatranquilizer (the same mechanism would later be used to sedate the Great MAGA King). The weapons either bounced off or traveled straight through Nancy. Nancy eventually made it to the Capitol Steps. Here, she interrupted a campaign event for then-candidate John Fitzgerald Kennedy, by storming onto the stage and destroying the microphone stand. Her mindless groaning and inconcievable screams were televised nationally, courtesy of the JFK 1960 Presidential Campaign.