Shallberry Grannlope

Shallberry Grannlope, at the time of its discovery by the Waifurian Empire.

Overview

Shallberry Grannlope was the first exoplanet to be 'cleansed' by the Waifurian Empire. In 6 AB, shortly after the completion and activation of Waifuria Prime, Joe Biden's top scientists (only 3 remained, after the unfortunate Downward Spiral Expedition Blunder) alerted him to the presence of a hospitable planet in the Alpha Centauri system. They told him there were promising signs of highly intelligent alien life.

Rotten-Minded Mummy Blunder #1

Excitedly, they asked the North American Overlord what he would like to name the planet. The Mummy, in his all of his wretched rottenness, decided on the name "Shallberry Grannlope". He later explained that he thought the image they were showing him was of a pie, not a planet.

Rotten-Minded Mummy Blunder #2

In 10 AB, the first Waifurian Expedition arrived on Shallberry Grannlope. They were promptly slaughtered by the highly advanced native race. After Joe Biden recovered from the Great MAGA King's Dark MAGA ritual-caused Glue Form annihilation and subsequent medically induced coma, he learned of the loss of the Waifurian Explorers, and promptly declared that he would be traveling to Shallberry Grannlope to take this highly advanced alien race "behind the gym and beat the hell out of 'em."

Rotten-Minded Mummy Blunder #3

Joe Biden boarded Waifuria Prime in 11 AB, and arrived on Shellberry Grannlope a few days later. It was during this trip that Biden impregnated Child Carrier OS #3210 (Model TS-3) and fathered Hunter Biden (although he forgot about the child and left him on the spacecraft when he returned home to Earth).

When Biden stepped off of his personal shuttle, completely alone save for two Superpredators, he was immediately nuked by the natives of Shallberry Grannlope. After the dust settled, the Superpredators had been destroyed, but Biden remained standing, completely unharmed, staring blankly up at the sky. He commented, "it's a little chilly out here, man."

Rotten-Minded Mummy Blunder #4

Biden thought that they had been trying to warm him up, so he hobbled towards the nearest civilization he saw, which happened to be a highly-advanced military base. Biden was attacked with fourteen different kinds of atomic warheads, none of which harmed the Rotten Mummy. The combined powers of his Glue Form, Blessings of the Pond Legume, and Great MAGA Quintessence (MAGA King's corporeal life force), had rendered Joe Biden almost totally immortal. Biden waved at the civilization and commented that "you folks ain't so bad, jack". He then fell unconscious and grew to a size of almost 3 miles tall. This was one instance of Unforeseen Consequences to his Glue Form.

Biden ambled haphazardly towards the military base, and fell face first onto the highly-advanced nuclear deterrent system.

Rotten-Minded Mummy Blunder #5

The nuclear fallout from Biden's faceplant all but erased all signs of this highly-advanced civilization from the surface of Shallberry Grannlope. All alien specimens were killed. When Joe Biden regained conscience, he was frustrated that he wasn't at the Bass Pro Shop Pyramid and demanded he be taken there at once. Unfortunately, everything and everyone on the planet, save for him, was dead. His demands fell on deaf (and dead) ears.

After several weeks, Biden made his way back to his personal shuttle, which had been blown seventeen miles away from its initial landing space from the massive nuclear explosion. Biden returned to Waifuria Prime, and set course for Earth. When he returned, he told the science team he was 'listening out of red spit' and refused to answer questions pertaining to Shellberry Grannlope.