Bidonic Ascent

Emperor Joseph Robinette Biden II, on the day of his Imperial Coronation.

The Bidonic Ascent was the historical term for the period of time from roughly 2 BB to 10AB, when Joe Biden maneuvered (or was made to maneuver) his way from MTO Veteran cardholder to Supreme Emperor of the Omniverse in just a few short years.

2 BB

As the Great META War raged on across the Earth, tensions were reaching a breaking point. The Combine Army was desperately throwing troops at the major centers of human civilization in North America and Asia. Washington DC faced a growing orbital bombardment problem, despite the best efforts of the administration of president and Magarra incarnate, Donald J. Trump.

Behind the scenes, hidden forces were most displeased with the failures of the MAGA King. The country had lost significant territory, with the Combine annexing large swaths of Oregon and Washington state. The Red Corporate Interests Party and Blue Corporate Interests Party bickered constantly, blaming the ongoing conflict on one another repeatedly, and failing to do anything constructive to help the wartorn republic they lived in.

Congress had become ineffective; a bloated, symbolic machine which served only to stop itself from functioning. The Great MAGA King was an archaic embodiment of the failures of America- a relic of a long bygone era, who some believed to be restrained by his inhumanity (a curse suffered by all pre-humanic peoples on Earth before the gifts of Prometheus).

As the 2020 Election loomed on the horizon, hidden agents sought a return to American normalcy. The Chairman of the Board of Waifuria, The Mummy, was determined to be the prime candidate for this venture- boring, uncontroversial, and completely brainrotten. The CIA had been exploiting and using for fifty years (various reasons, including [MK-REDACT]. They secretly paid off every major Blue Corporate Interests Party candidate to drop out of the race, and propped Joe Biden up as the sole candidate to run against the MAGA King.

MAGAMOON Rally.

1 BB

The two quickly began firing insults at one another on live television, as both of their campaigns began ramping up. The Great MAGA King began holding 'MAGAMOON' Rallies on the surface of Earth's Moon, which drew tens of thousands of intergalactic spectators. Mummy held several zoom Meetings, and also authorized the MTO Construction Crew to begin construction a gigantic supersentient space station (he did this without departmental approval).

When the Great META War was finally ended, thanks to the help of nobody special and his Gigamagnet, the Great MAGA King, taking all the credit, recieved a significant boost in polling, pitting the two ancient deities against one another. A months-long period of intense campaigning began here.

0 AB

Several mysterious anomalous events occurred during this period of campaigning, not the least of which was the introduction of the Combine-19 Virus into the United States of America. This lethal virus quickly spread across the world, causing significant damage to the global economy and shutting down most facets of every day life (much to the dismay of the Americans, who continued on with business as usual, until they were disabled or killed by the disease they called a 'hoax'.)

Additionally, G-Man (Timefracture Alpha) learned how to use a smartphone, and began posting ominous threats towards the United States government on his page @mr.gman.in.the.flesh. His post where he claimed 'you have no idea what is coming in January' would later be used as evidence against him in court, but more on that later.

Joe Biden, still sitting as Chairman of the Board, and Donald Trump, the sitting president, effectively delegated most of their duties to underlings as they fought vigorously and traveled across the Earth-Moon system campaigning. This led to a period of litigious anarchy where laws with horrendous errors were passed, such as

The MAGA King and Mummy had several intense debates during the period of the 2020 Election. Ultimately, Joe Biden won the election, despite the many grievances of the Magarra Incarnate, who contested (to no avail) the election results in all 48 states.

The Glue Form

1 AB

1 AB began rather violently. The Great MAGA King, unwilling, or unable, to accept the results of the 2020 Election, staged an insurrection on the United States Capitol, staffed largely of Dark MAGA and G-Anon conspirators. Using stolen Combine equipment, they invaded the Capitol lawn, and began blasting holes in the walls of congress. Despite the valiant efforts of people inside such as Nancy Baloney, many people perished in this attack, and the Capitol Building was severely damaged.

Following this, Joe Biden, then Board of Waifuria Chairman, summoned The Great MAGA King to the Albuquerque Glue Factory, where the two began negotiating a peace treaty; however, this failed ultimately with the arrival of G-Man and Keith Cumshoes, which culminated in the tragic Glue Factory Incident.

After consuming the Magarrish Quintessence of Donald J. Trump, Joe Biden had officially cleared his path of any obstacles that might stand in his way. He moved to the White House for several days, before officially relocating the United States' base of operations to Memphis, Tennessee, in the Waifurian Bass Pro Shop Pyramid.

This sparked outrage among critics, as well as the few prominent politicians who had survived the calamitous Capitol events, who slammed Biden for 'grabbing power' and 'taking advantage of nation's instability'. In response, a designated MTO Task Force was deployed to the homes of these naysayers, and they were made to comply with President Biden.

On January 31st, 1 AB, Joe Biden officially declared the United States would reform into a 'Great North American Overlorddom', in a move which shocked and outraged many across the world. The Mummy was decried as being a 'harbinger of destruction' and the 'slaughterer of Democracy', by individuals such as Mohammad Rajab Wali and the J-Man.

Many in America actually supported this decision, and celebrated Joe Biden's claims of the 'American Corrective Mandate', which he declared required him to "bend the nations of America to his will."

2 AB

On march 16th, 2 AB, Joe Biden officially declared the sovereign nation of Jacksonville Florida a part of the newly-formed North American Overlorddom, after consulting with exactly zero leaders from this country. Overlorddish forces were moved into Jacksonville Florida, and it was quickly conquered, as the country's longtime ruler, Perry, hadn't bothered to form a military or police force of any kind.

On July 4th, in a bit of bitter irony, Mummy suddenly and violently attacked the nation of Canada, using several EMPs to disrupt communications between the major cities of Ottawa, Toronto, and Calgary.

The Overlorddish 5th Infantry was then deployed to the United States' northern border, and along the coastline of the Great Lake, and soon cornered and conquered the major Canadian cities, which were all conveniently close to the United States border.

Canada was annexed to the North American Overlorddom by July 11th, in a fateful move by the Mummy's foreign policy advisor, James L. Fuck, which became known as '7-11'.

Also during this time, Joe Biden's Overlorddic administration began working to centralize the governments of the states. They began consolidating all of the power to Overlord Biden in Memphis, Tennessee. Governors of the states began suddenly 'falling ill' or 'changing their minds' about leading their governments, and all unanimously agreed that Joe Biden should have direct control over their states. The reason behind this was never discovered.

3 AB

On March 8th. 3 AB, the North American Overlord ordered a full-scale nuclear strike on the nation of Mexico, decimating the entire infrastructure of the former Combine satellite state. Eighteen cities were totally obliterated, and City 9 (formerly Chihauhua, Mexico), was the only one spared. The crumbling government left behind in the wake of former Mexican Representative to the Board, The G-Man, decided the best thing to do for the Mexican people would be to give in to the North American Overlorddom, which they did.

4 AB

With the completion of the supersentient space station, which was dubbed 'Waifuria Prime' by Joe Biden's Advisor, the North American Overlord began expanding his conquests into the cosmos- in a move which would spell certain destruction for the Omniverse.

In April, despite incessant calls for caution from the United Nations, Overlord Biden decided it would be a Grand idea to send the top weather scientists on Earth to study the gravitational anomaly located over Australia, the dreaded, despicable, disastrous Downward Spiral. This resulted in over 700 of the world’s greatest minds being lost to the Downward Spiral.

While this massive loss of live was incredibly unfortunate on its own right, it would prove doubly as tragic as the climate swung completely out of control in the coming years, with no scientists alive to provide guidance or explanations to the unprecedented weather changes of the Grand Freeze. Some described this as Unforeseen Consequences for the rotten-minded Mummy,

In the absence of any educated professionals, Joe Biden installed himself as the Chief Weather Scientist of America, despite having zero understanding of climate sciences whatsoever. This was one of many incidents of the Mummy seizing more and more power in the years building up to his Imperial Coronation.

5 AB

In 5 AB, Biden introduced to the United Nations his rotten Aftertimes Initiative, which aimed to 'warm the Earth'. Biden's brainrotten "observations" as Chief Weather Scientist had led him to conclude that the Earth needed to be 'warmed up'. This can be assumed to have been entirely due to the heaters going offline temporarily in the Bass Pro Shop Pyramid, which he was incredibly displeased with. Little did Mummy know, the Earth would need a whole lot more than a 'warm-up' within the next year.

6 AB

6 AB was a big year for Mummy. With Waifuria Prime fully operational, he had begun to quest out into the Omniverse in search of 'friends' (his national security advisors translated this to 'Conquering the Galaxy). Mummy, of course, blundered, as per usual, and his first interplanetary interaction was a PR disaster when he slaughtered the entire ecosystem of Shallberry Grannlope in a freak accident.

Later that year, the entire Earth fell into a long-predicted-but-ignored climate catastrophe, in the Grand Freeze, which sent the global economy spiraling into a state of disrepair. This would, of course, be rectified, but Biden suffered from catastrophically low Overlorddic approval ratings during this time of famine and mass suffering (lower than 80%).

Interestingly, Mummy never publicly acknowledged this, and instead continued on blundering forward on his Aftertimes Initiative (which, admittedly, did aim to warm the Earth), working tirelessly to form a committee to investigate the Lithuanian Polyphony Theory.