Desolation of Ottawa

Desolation in Progress

Not to be confused with the Massacre at Ottawa.

Desolation Prime

the Desolation of Ottawa was a disastrous series of events which ultimately resulted in Canadian annexation into the North American Overlorddom and the utter obliteration of the Parliamentary Center Block at the hands of Magatron and the Decepticons.

Trudeaunium

In 5 BB, in the closing years of the Great META War, the politics of Canada were rife with discontent and unpoliteness. In fact, an entire insult had been used in the Canadian Parliament; this was not grand, and left the Canadian populous aghast. And so, a vote of no confidence was called for the government of Prime Minister Stephen Harper (nee: Harpdick). A snap election was called in the parliament, and the various political parties of Canada began huddling to form coalitions and hopefully win the election. They all knew, based on the trajectory of the war, that whoever was elected would likely see Canada through to the end of the Great META War, and so it was an impolite and raucous struggle to the office of Prime Minister.

Many Canadian politicians threw their hats into the ring. Conservative MP Pierre Pierre Pierre threw his hat into the ring, and so did former Board of Waifuria Chairman James L. Fuck, running on the National Socialists ticket. Pierre Pierre Pierre seemed positioned to win the election; however, he was unceremoniously and viciously stripped of his victory when former Byzantine Emperor and spouse of Joe Biden, Justinian Trudeau, emerged as the Liberal Party's nominee. He won in a landslide, securing 7% of the vote, as opposed to Fuck's 1% and Pierre's 5%. This marked a turning point in Canadian Politics, as Justinian ascended to Prime Minister and promised a new, glorious, kind future for Canada.

Well, dear reader, we'll see about that.

The March of Magatron

Several billion lightyears away, in the Andromeda Galaxy, on the planet Cybertron, the Combine Empire had launched their three-hundred thousandth Stalker-Acquisiton Operation. The Combine's second-in-command, the feared and vindictive G-4323, had personally overseen the invasion, watching from afar aboard a command ship. He had ordered the Combine Overwatch to stalkerify all citizens of Cybertron, in order to use them as cannon fodder in the failing offensive on Earth. However, much to G-4323's dismay, it was discovered the citizens of this planet strongly resisted Combine attempts to stalkerify them. In fact, their metallic bodies and ultra-durable bones rendered them virtually invincible to Combine attacks. They were led by the Decepticon, Magatron, who had been imbued with the blessing of Magarra. It is speculated Magatron was born by the hand of Magarra in order to influence the outcome of the rotten Combine Empire, due to their being on the wrong side of the Employeric Bidding.

Nevertheless, G-4323 and his forces learned of the Magarrish Power present on this planet after Magatron and the Decepticons blasted through the hull of their ship, destroying one of their hyperdrives. G-4323 bemoaned this 'pitiful resistance' and ordered a full Combine retreat from Cybertron. However, his battleship was unable, or unwilling, to reach lightspeed. Frustrated, G-43243 turned the vessel back around, ordering a full orbital bombardment of the robotic planet beneath them. "You shall not die without a fight" He screamed at the Overwatch troops around him on the bridge. As Combine Overwatch troops were deployed to the Hyperdrive to hopefully repair the severe damage to the machine, the orbital bombardment of Cybertron was well underway, and the sprawling cities of the Autobots and Decepticons had all but been reduced to rubble by G-4323's Cruiser. No Cybertronian lives were lost; however, the Combine had suffered massive losses and had gained the ire of Magatron- something they would soon come to deeply regret.

Justinian was thrilled to return to politics after 4,000 years in retirement.

Canadian Wintroid

Justinian Trudeau's first action as PM was to propose a ban on gas vehicles from operating in Ottawa, Canada, due to their alleged alliance with Combine Synthezoids. This executive order was based on a study conducted by the American Bureau for Patriotic Sciences, stationed in Portland, Maine, which determined there was a high likelihood that any and all gasoline-powered machines were servants of the Combine and must be destroyed accordingly. Unfortunately for Justinian, this bill was absolutely demolished in parliament, with Opposition leader Pierre Pierre Pierre decrying it as 'Brain-numbingly-stupid'. Justinian, nontheless, removed his gasoline lawnmower from his garage and destroyed it with a machine gun, a traditionally American practice which raised eyebrows in the Parliament as to his true allegiances. Not helped by the fact was a private meeting held between Justinian and United States President Barack Obamna several days later. The public did not know the details of this meeting; however, in this meeting Obamna revealed that the Great MAGA King had returned from hiding. He audibly wondered whether Trudeau's recent reappearance had any connection to Donald Trump's. Justinian assured Obamna it was only a coincidence, but was reported to have worn a golden watch engraved with the letter 'M' to the meeting.

Combine Failure

G-4323 deeply regretted his decision to personally lead this incursion of Cybertron; as the Combine Overwatch troops were easily dispatched by the Cybertronians. He contacted the COCK requesting backup; but recieved no response. Emperor Xos will pay for this, G-4323 thought to himself, as the doors of the bridge were smashed open, and Magatron entered, wielding what had once been a Combine gunship in his fist.

It is rather important detail to note that the Hyperdrive had been almost completed by this point; almost. Despite this, G-4323's cruiser was horrendously damaged; it would be unable to return to the COCK through traditional means in this state. Not to mention, Cybertron was completely blocking out the rest of the Andromeda galaxy from this position- and had oddly enough stopped orbiting its star. There would be no hyperspace routes back to any Combine-friendly home turf. G-4323, it seemed, had been backed into a corner. He was trapped in a room with Magatron, and several other Decepticons; his forces had dwindled, and he had no means of physical defense (as this was before his synthezoidal enchantments). But where could he go? he held his hands up, slowly backing away toward the Hyperdrive panel. If he decided to jump to another planet, it had better be one where he knew there'd be suitable reinforcements. One where the Combine presence was assuredly heavy... and had been for the last 200 years. And perhaps most importantly... it would need to be a planet which offered an expeditious route home. G-4323 sighed, shaking his head to himself, and smashed his fist on the Hyperdrive control panel.

"Computer, turn this ship around," G-4323 declared, "And set course for Earth."

Joe Biden and Justinian Trudeau were a mere 5 days apart in Age. The Rotter did not use Sunscreen.

Blunderoid Meeting

At the 4 BB Board of Waifuria Summit, reporters observed noticable tensions between Justinian Trudeau and the Rotten Mummy. Historian Alfred T. Muckracker explained on a segment of NewsNow Tonight : "The two had been romantically entangled 1400 years ago, and likely still have some feeling for one another." Tensions at the summit compounded when the Mexican Delegate, Arman Gonzales (who seemed unsure if his country even had a government at this point) repeatedly rambled about 'the Waking Skeletons' which roamed Combine-Occupied Chihauhau, Mexico. His concerns were duly noted and ignored by Mummyrot, who instead spent the majority of the meeting studying his leather shoes, the wall paneling, and a pimple on Barack Obamna's left cheek. The summit discussed a variety of topics, including the Magarrish Return of the Great MAGA King, a potential union between all North American nations (Proposed by Mummy, turned down by all member states), and the continuing nuisance of Portland Oregon. Mummy completely forgot about the war until about 6 hours after the meeting.

In a press conference following the summit, Joe Biden said something that would have alarmed any citizen of the United States, had they known of the Wicked Truths of the Omniverse. Maybe they were unable to parse it out through all of the brainrot. Said Biden: "Folks, look. In San Andreas California, there's a kid, young guy, handsome face. You know what I mean. And we got guys in the military made out of wood. That sort of thing rocks. But listen here champ. Listen good. I sense a deep disturbance in the Legumish Staticflow. The balance has shifted- something's changing. I can't tell what, jack, but Maga's got more than one ace up his sleeve. That's all I'll say, fat. Mung beans, mung beans. Court martial my daughter."

Canadian Climate Policy

The Great META War, thank the Gods, finally came to an end in 1BB, and Donald J. Trump claimed total responsibility for this success. He had taken office in 3 BB and was halfway through his term; promising to construct a Border Wall around the World to keep everything and everyone off of Earth. Meanwhile, in Canada, other things were afoot; namely, Trudeaunium had tried five times to rename Canada to 'New Byzantium', each time being struck down by the ruling party, his own party, which told him this was an 'objectively stupid thing'. Trudeau proved quite brainrotten in his leadership style, despite his youthful experience, and it was speculated by many Omniversal Historians that he had been gifted some of Mummy's brain termites, cursed to the latter by Osiris, through their close proximity in 1428-1427 BB. Nevertheless, Trudeau's government, after the war, set to work rebuilding the Canadian Province of Ontario. Every other province was set to be repaired by 'early 2030' (Or 10 AB, for you non-rotten minds out there.). Soon, then, my dearies, the Aftertimes began, and the world began rebuilding. Little did they know, a rotten crisis was on the horizon- growing ever closer.