Ethernet

Ethernet

Ethernet was the Omniversal God of ethernet and wired internet services. He was responsible for gifting civilizations across the Omniverse the gift of internet, once they had reached a certain level of 'civilization'. Previously, he had served as head chef at the Restaurant at the End of the Omniverse; however, after the advent of the Garrynet he was elevated to this new position to ensure equitable internet connections for all.

However, in 17 BB, Ethernet mistakenly decided to deliver the internet to Earth in the midst of the Iraq War, which resulted in his capture by the Bush Administration. He was sent to Guantanamo Bay and interrogated by then-military officer Rhonda Mantitt, who extracted from Ethernet the secrets of dial-up internet. Ethernet was subsequently booked in federal prison for harboring 'weapons of mass destruction' and served a sentence of 33 years.

When Ethernet's son Wi-Fi, god of wireless internet connection, heard the news of his father's capture, he was infuriated, and immediately set to work implementing the slowest, glitchiest, least reliable wireless internet connections possible across the United States. However, he quite liked the Panera Bread chain of restaurants, and thusly granted them Zerri-diamond rank uber-Wi-Fi.

Ethernet was released from prison in 0 AB with a 12-month suspended sentence due to the severity of the Combine-19 pandemic. Ethernet was classified as immunocompromised by the CDC, due to his age exceeding 65 years (he celebrated his seven billionth birthday in the confines of this prison). Ethernet was granted a full parden by the Great MAGA King on January 5, 1 AB, and left the Earth, disgusted, vowing never to gift his power to another civilization again.