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Grand Luminous Deer: Difference between revisions

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A photo of the Grand Luminous Deer, seconds before vaporizing all of Vancouver.


The Grand Luminous Deer was an anomalous cervid 'animal', which consistently spotted in and around the woodlands of North America on Earth 1 and 2 until it committed suicide.

The exact age of the Grand Luminous Deer was never known, however ancient Pangean stone paintings were discovered depicting the creature. Stone tablets in Mesopotamia were deciphered, and found to be warning of the beast’s power.

Outside of ancient humans, the first interaction recorded with the Grand Luminous Deer was with an unfortunate man named James King who, while texting and driving on his ride home from work through a school zone, accidentally hit the Grand Luminous Deer. This grand error would result in King and his car being turned into ash by the deer’s unknowably powerful energy, which was stored in the beast's antlers.

Grand King Theorems

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After the King Incident, citizens across North America theorized about King’s sudden evaporation. Some claimed it was a UFO or experimental weapon made by the government, while others claimed it was a very lost Combine Strider which hadn't had an intention of frying King, but had been spooked by his brash speeding through an area populated with children. The Waifurian government however, excused the total sudden atomic annihilation of James King as a weather balloon accident. Minister of Speech, James L. Fuck, promptly banned any further public discussion of the matter, under threat of death by guillotine.

The Industrial Revolution and it’s Consequences

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As a Grand portion of humanity would come to know, the Grand Luminous Deer was a staunch anarcho-primitivist. (This is supported by the dozens of copies of Ted Kaczynski’s “Industrial Society and its Future” found throughout the deer’s primary living quarters.) With the growing dependence on Combine-based technologies, the deer became enraged and driven to political terrorism. The deer’s target of choice was the city of Vancouver, as it was a major trading hub for the Waifurian Empire and a hub for the global Combine tech scene.

Grand Vancouver Factorium

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Once the Grand Luminous Deer arrived in Vancouver, it began collecting energy from nearby sources, such as power lines. This event did not go unnoticed, as a great number of people called in to the Vancouver City Government demanding they do something about the mass electrical outages across the city. The city government responded to citizen’s complaints by saying they were “monitoring the situation closely and working on a resolution.”

In reality, city government officials were in a meeting to discuss the best form of torture device to put on benches to prevent the local homeless population from sleeping comfortably at night.

After roughly 17 hours of continuous power consumption, the Grand Luminous Deer walked into the city late at night and released a massive energy wave second only in scale to Alduin’s use of the Heart of Lorkhan. This power wave killed the Grand Luminous Deer instantly, but even it could not have predicted what it would come next.

Grand Cascadian Cataclysm

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The nanosecond the energy from the Grand Luminous Deer was released, all sentient life in British Columbia, 1/2 of Alberta, and 1/4 of Washington State were instantly obliterated. All non-natural structures within the blast zone were also completely vaporized, leaving only animals and plants alive. Waifurian officials were reportedly rather relieved that a mass death of their own nation’s population was, for once, not at their own hands.

When asked to comment on the death of roughly 60 million people, The Brainrotten Emperor remarked simply, "lot".

Grand Repopulation Effort

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Despite the Grand Luminous Deer’s devastating attack, it took Waifuria only a mere 15 years to repopulate the area to “self-sustainable levels”. This greatly demoralized most environmental conservationists and radical groups alike, causing many of them to rapidly lose numbers or disband entirely, leaving Waifuria’s exploitation of natural resources unpunished for the rest of the Empire’s history.