Hunter Biden: Difference between revisions
More actions
w:c:the-rick-hernia-omniverse>Fabafaba32 No edit summary |
w:c:the-rick-hernia-omniverse>Fabafaba32 No edit summary |
||
| Line 18: | Line 18: | ||
When little Hunter asked his father why he was tearing apart the institution he had fought so hard to protect, Joe was unable to answer. [[Joe Biden (Disambigaution)|Emperor Biden]] looked off into the distance and mumbled "mung beans", and then wandered away from his son. | When little Hunter asked his father why he was tearing apart the institution he had fought so hard to protect, Joe was unable to answer. [[Joe Biden (Disambigaution)|Emperor Biden]] looked off into the distance and mumbled "mung beans", and then wandered away from his son. | ||
Hunter was an isolated and lonely child, as most individuals at the [[Bass Pro Shop Pyramid]] were corrupt bureaucrats with no interest in little | Hunter was an isolated and lonely child, as most individuals at the [[Bass Pro Shop Pyramid]] were corrupt bureaucrats with no interest in little kids. | ||
=== Teenage Years & Ice Cream Selling === | === Teenage Years & Ice Cream Selling === | ||
Revision as of 15:37, 12 June 2022
Hunter Biden
| Hunter Biden | |
|---|---|
| Aliases | Mummy Jr. |
| Relatives | Joe Biden (Father) |
| Affiliation | Waifurian Empire |
| Occupation | Actor
|
| Biographical information | |
| Date of birth | 01/06/11 A.B. |
| Place of birth | Waifuria Prime |
| Date of death | 04/20/69,419 A.B. |
| Place of death | Jovia |
| Physical description | |
| Species | Human |
| Gender | Male |
| Height | 6'2 |
| Weight | 201 lbs. |
| Eye color | blue |
| Appearances | |
Hunter Biden was the son of Joe Biden and heir apparent to the Waifurian Throne; unfortunately, Joe Biden's reign ended when he was shot into Alpha Centauri B in a coup. Hunter Biden never became Emperor of the Waifurian Empire. Instead, he spent much of his time scheming and smoking cigarettes. His favorite kind of cigarette was "Portland's Best", a special vegan cigarette which had gone out production after the Hellification of Portland Oregon and the Eye of Sauron's permanent export ban.
Worst Birth of All Time
Hunter Biden was born to Joe Biden and Child Carrier OS #3210 (Model TS-3) onboard Waifuria Prime in 11 A.B. The egg was fertilized and Hunter grew to the size of a nine-month old fetus in approximately five hours. After his son was born, Joe forgot about him for several years.
Childhood
When Biden remembered his son, he brought him back to Memphis, Tennessee. Hunter was raised in the Bass Pro Shop Pyramid where his father worked. Hunter watched his father dismantle the Board of Waifuria's systems of checks and balances. He saw the Mummy slowly assume more and more absolute power over the continent, and heard whispers that the Waifurian Empire was taking over places outside of Earth.
When little Hunter asked his father why he was tearing apart the institution he had fought so hard to protect, Joe was unable to answer. Emperor Biden looked off into the distance and mumbled "mung beans", and then wandered away from his son.
Hunter was an isolated and lonely child, as most individuals at the Bass Pro Shop Pyramid were corrupt bureaucrats with no interest in little kids.
Teenage Years & Ice Cream Selling
In his teenage years, Hunter became estranged from Joe Biden. Joe began leaving his son on read (or worse, delivered), and had his Aides remove Hunter from the premises multiple times. Biden reportedly forgot who Hunter was multiple times and had even called security on him twice.
After a time, the only occasions where Hunter and Joe would interact would be when Emperor Biden went to get ice cream. Hunter, desperate to have just a minute with his only known relative, begged Ice Cream Dave to hire him at J.F. Sweets as an Ice Cream Truck Driver. Ice Cream Dave refused at first, but changed his mind when Hunter 'let slip' to him who his father was. Great Mysteries.
When Emperor Biden hobbled out of the pyramid to retrieve his Chocolate Chocolate Chip, Hunter grew excited. He readied the tub of his father's favorite ice cream, excited to make him proud. When Biden got to the truck, he showed know signs that he even recognized Hunter. He stared blankly off into the distance and faintly whispered, 'Chocolate Chocolate Chip'.
"Hi Dad, it's me.", Hunter said, waving at his father. Joe Biden stared at him for several seconds, smiled softly, and said in a gutteral voice, "I am not the wendigo". Joe then turned around and walked off without his ice cream.