Kamala Harris

Kamala Harris

Kamala Harris

Kamala Harris, otherwise known as Mummette, was an elusive optician, military officer, and demi-skinwalker that served as Joe Biden’s right hand woman for several years. She was known for proliferating the Hungarian Nanobug Jitters to a pandemic status and laughing manically at inappropriate times.

Kamala Harris
Aliases	Mummette Captain Harris
Relatives	Sheila Harris, Mike Harris (Adoptive)
Affiliation	Waifurian Empire
Occupation	Vice Emperor
Biographical information
Marital status	Joe Biden
Date of birth	July 3, 54 B.B.
Place of birth	Los Angeles, California
Date of death	April 1, 21 A.B.
Place of death	Memphis, Tennessee
Physical description
Species	Human/Skinwalker
Gender	Female
Height	5'9 Tethered
Weight	N/A
Eye color	Brown
Appearances

Early Life

Kamala Harris appeared on a doorstep in Los Angeles at the home of an elderly couple, Mike Harris and Sheila Harris. The couple were famed opticians who were internationally recognized for their expertise in eye surgeries.

Kamala was wrapped in ragged cloth, had several large stickers of Eyeballs slapped on her face, and was crying. A note on her forehead said “I am Kamala. Please adopt me.”. The elderly couple, not knowing what to do, took her in and raised her as their own.

Padawan of Eye Surgeries

Kamala was lonely growing up, and would often spend hours or even days missing from her home. Her parents, not knowing what to do, justified this as “girls will be girls”. Mike and Sheila brought Kamala to their medical office on weekends, where they taught her to perform eye surgeries. Kamala excelled, much to Mike and Sheila’s delight.

Black Market Eye Surgeries

Kamala became famous around her school for her unique ability to correct any eye problem in under an hour. She used the slogan, “See me Clearly, or your money back in cash.” Since she was a minor, she had to perform these eye surgeries under the cloak of darkness and away from the watchful eye of the LAPD.

Kamala is thought to have performed over 140 successful corrective surgeries on her classmates before she turned 15. So many students had perfect eyesight that the local optometry office, Solar Eyes, began losing business.

Optometrist from Hell

The lead optometrist at Solar Eyes, Dr. Margaret Mince, was outraged at this development. She began hiring private investigators to determine the cause of the sudden perfect eyesight in the youth of the greater Los Angeles area. Eventually, the Private Investigators traced the corrective surgeries back to Kamala Harris. Dr. Mince decided that Kamala would be her Archnemesis for life.

The Night the Eyeballs Rolled (Part 1)

One night, Kamala came home screaming with empty eye sockets. In a panic, Mike and Sheila each gave one of their own eyes to the wounded girl. Unfortunately, this would prove lethal to Mike. When he died, Sheila cried for several minutes, before bending over and putting Mike’s eyeball into her own newly hollow socket.

Sheila sat down Kamala and began asking her what had happened. The only thing Kamala could manage to say was “She’s Coming”.

Suddenly, machine gun fire rained down on the Harris’ apartment. Windows shattered, and the door was kicked in. A cloaked, hooded figure appeared with a scythe at the door. It was Doctor Margaret Mince.

Margaret lunged at Sheila, who picked up her husband’s corpse and used it as a meat shield. The scythe cut Mike in half like butter. Sheila grabbed one of Mike’s legs, forced it from the hip socket, and held it in a prone stance, facing Margaret Mince. The two began slowly walking in a circle around Kamala.

The Night the Eyeballs Rolled (Part 2)

“Your daughter must atone.” Margaret said.

“Atone? for what?”

“She has perfected the eyes of LA… and as punishment, I stole her’s. She would never perform eye surgery again… or so I thought.”, Margaret snickered.

“You’re a monster.”, Sheila said, brandishing her husband’s bloodied leg like a sword.

“I’m a monster? Oh Sheila… don’t you see? Kamala’s the monster… she’s…. she’s inhuman.”Margaret gestured at the girl, who was clutching her father’s lifeless corpse and sobbing.

Sheila paused for a moment.

“You didn’t know?” Margaret laughed. “She’s a skinwalker.”

Sheila’s jaw dropped. Literally. Because Margaret severed her head in half.

Kamala looked up from her father’s body and watched her mother’s corpse collapse to the floor. She looked up at Margaret in total fear.

“For as long as I live, you will suffer, as I have suffered. You will never see a day where you don’t have to look behind your back, or wonder if you’ll lose your sight suddenly and without warning. This is what you DESERVE”, Margaret said, before turning and walking out of the destroyed apartment complex.

The LAPD arrived 5 hours late to the scene, and told Kamala “that really sucks” before writing Margaret a $200 ticket for trespassing.

Military Involvement

Kamala attended the Los Angeles School for Combine Deterrence and graduated Magna Cum Laude. She became a captain in the Great META War, and often “accidentally” targeted LAPD squad cars with Anti-Combine weaponry. During the Combine reign of Mexico, Kamala led the U.S. defense effort on the southern border, and faced General Grievous himself on several occasions. At the battle of San Francisco, Kamala’s battalion captured Grievous, and Kamala performed a grievous eye surgery on him which resulted in him wearing Hyper-strength contact lenses for the rest of his life. Grievous managed to escape when Kamala left the room to oversee the destruction of Solar Eyes.

Kamala’s First Nano-Tech

After the death of her mother at the hands of Margaret Mince, Kamala had vowed revenge on the evil optometrist. Kamala used her military power to corrupt the local Los Angeles Government authorities. Kamala “persuaded” them to allocate use of the Solar Eyes lot as a weapons test site. Kamala dropped a nano-nuclear bomb on the site, which vaporized Doctor Margaret Mince, her assistant, and several customers. Kamala, watching the carnage unfold, became fascinated with Nano-technology. She was so engrossed in the annihilation of Solar Eyes that she didn’t even notice (or care) that General Grievous walked right past her and out of the bunker door. She began laughing maniacally, in what was perhaps the first instance of this bizarre behavior.

Send in the Superpredators

Grievous retreated to his base in City 9 and returned to San Francisco with fourteen thousand Combine troops and four dozen striders. Kamala’s battalion, battle-worn yet ready to fight, was outnumbered 140 to 1. Kamala turned to the United States government, and asked for help in her most desperate hour.

President Clinton assured her help would be on the way. He had been working with General Joe Biden to create the Board of Waifuria’s greatest military defense yet- the Superpredators. Biden claimed the Superpredators could “do anything but lynch someone for jaywalking.” The Superpredators were AI-run cyber warriors, programmed by a group of racist scientists from Louisiana. Clinton deployed Biden with a group of 12 Superpredators to San Francisco.

Grievous’ battalion was wiped out within days. Grievous himself retreated back to City 9, and the Combine would soon lose control of Mexico altogether, thanks to a Mexican uprising. President Clinton, after hanging out with several underage girls, gave a speech about the war’s tides turning.

Meeting the Mummy

Biden met with Kamala, and the two bonded over their love for Chocolate Chocolate chip ice cream. Kamala complimented Biden on the success of the Superpredators against the Combine, to which Biden laughed and said, “they’re very sophisticated and mainstream for cyber warriors.” Biden then promptly asked Kamala out on a date, which she gladly accepted. The two began an on again, off again relationship.

2020 Election

In the US 2020 Election, Kamala and Biden ran against each other at first, after a nasty four-year split had seen them divorced and fighting over assets. however, Kamala proposed to the Mummy at a presidential debate, which he gladly obliged. “Our fourth wedding will be our best!”, Biden said happily. They began running together, with Kamala as vice president. They ran on the promise of bringing America out of the ashes of the Great META War. The Incumbent Great MAGA King called Kamala “the worst eye doctor in the history of America”. Kamala laughed maniacally for over fourteen minutes in response to this comment.

After the unfortunate Glue Factory Incident, Trump’s government was dissolved and Biden instituted his Great North American Overlorddom. Overlord Biden brought Kamala on as his Vice Overlord, (and later Vice Emperor). Kamala spent much of her time in power in the shadows, appearing only randomly or at important government functions.

Hungarian Nanobug Jitters

Kamala had a massive research lab constructed on Waifuria Prime, where she began researching nanotechnology. She created a microscopic device capable of entering the bloodstream and repairing cataracts and damaged eye tissue, for which she was nominated to win a Nobel Peace Prize (she was beat out by Geoffrey Eckstein, who received the prize for unknown reasons).

Kamala’s eye repair nanodrone, however, began replicating itself due to a Combine protocol in its synthetic DNA. It returned to Earth and began wreaking havoc on the population of Hungary, and later Oklahoma. in an effort to coverup this Mummy Blunder, the Waifurian Empire reported this as “West Nile Virus”. When asked why West Nile Virus was in Oklahoma, Kamala lost control of her laughter and began wheezing and giggling uncontrollably. She ultimately passed away peacefully on the Vice Imperial Podium from oxygen deprivation due to this laughing fit.

The Mummy was heartbroken but forgot about her within a few days.