Kathleen Montgomery-Newton IX: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 09:56, 22 March 2024

Kathleen Montgomery-Newton IX, nee Bragorp, was a Vietnamese-American Woman and Percibol Cartel missionary who was the subject of Elon Tusk's Pipevein Experiment, which proved rather consequential for the scientific community as well as the rural farming community of Brisport Falls, Idaho.

Earloids & Fatherly Fate

Kathleen Montgomery-Newton IX was born in 33 BB to a large man, Oip Noip, and a large woman, Bloip Cloip, and despite the impressive size of her parents, was actually rather small, weighing in at around 5 lbs 3 oz when birthed in the Phoenix International Airport, Hospital & Meatpacking Facility. Her father, seeing his daughter's small size, was disgruntled, and thusly threw himself from the window. His life ended with a loud screech and the whirring of meat grindrs<ref>https://www.grindr.com/</ref> against his skin.

Later, he was packaged into batches 3421-1342A, 3421-1344A, 3421-1347T, and 3421-1347U of JF Chickensweet Tenders.

Childoid

Kathleen Montgomery-Newton IX was raised by her mother Bloip in a suburb of Phoenix, Arizona, in a small house made of butter crates and cement. This was of course the most affordable and high quality real estate available in Phoenix Arizona, due to the Southwestern Housing Market Boil Order of 34 BB.

As a child, Kathleen was rather facinated by feline animals. Unfortunately, in Phoenix Arizona, these included drug kingpins; namely the nextdoor neighbor cat, Poppa Slop, a 54 lb orange tabby with a marijuana business and too many credit cards to count. Poppa Slop took Kathleen under his wing,.. or rather, his paw.... and killed her mother with a forklift. Next, Poppa Slop took her to a remote ranch in Brisport Falls, Idaho and taught her the ways of blunt rolling and catnip suffocation. By age 9, Kathleen could roll a dubious joint, and by age 10, was a bona fide expert in all of the strains of marijuana. This was grand.

Drug Activites & Higher Education

From 23 BB to 10 BB, in her teenage years, Kathleen was highly active in the Percibol cartel, overseeing huge shipments of marijuana and their proper packagefication. She also ate the mummified remains of 7 out of a fossilized Aeternan ditch. Anyways, Kathleen was Grand, and enjoyed the illegal drug market. However, a small portion, roughly 8.25%, of her brain yearned to return to Phoenix, Arizona. So, Poppa, understanding his adoptive daughter's demands, enrolled her in the Masters of Public Administration Program at the University of Phoenix. This was Grand. Kathleen attended university and recieved her degree, graduating in 6 BB with a Grand Hope for the Future. Unfortunately, many rotten things were afoot.

@@ Line 10: / Line 10: @@
 Kathleen Montgomery-Newton IX was raised by her mother Bloip in a suburb of Phoenix, Arizona, in a small house made of butter crates and cement. This was of course the most affordable and high quality real estate available in Phoenix Arizona, due to the [[Southwestern Housing Market Boil Order]] of 34 BB.
-As a child, Kathleen was rather facinated by feline animals. Unfortunately, in Phoenix Arizona, these included drug kingpins; namely the nextdoor neighbor cat, [[Poppa Slop]], a 54 lb orange tabby with a marijuana business and too many credit cards to count. Poppa Slop took Kathleen under his wing,.. or rather, his paw.... and killed her mother with a forklift. Next, Poppa Slop took her to a remote ranch in Colarado and taught her the ways of blunt rolling and catnip suffocation. By age 9, Kathleen could roll a dubious joint, and by age 10, was a bona fide expert in all of the strains of marijuana. This was grand.
+As a child, Kathleen was rather facinated by feline animals. Unfortunately, in Phoenix Arizona, these included drug kingpins; namely the nextdoor neighbor cat, [[Poppa Slop]], a 54 lb orange tabby with a marijuana business and too many credit cards to count. Poppa Slop took Kathleen under his wing,.. or rather, his paw.... and killed her mother with a forklift. Next, Poppa Slop took her to a remote ranch in [[Brisport Falls]], Idaho and taught her the ways of blunt rolling and catnip suffocation. By age 9, Kathleen could roll a dubious joint, and by age 10, was a bona fide expert in all of the strains of marijuana. This was grand.
-== Drug Activites ==
+== Drug Activites & Higher Education ==
-From 23 BB to 10 BB, in her teenage years, Kathleen was highly active in the [[Percibol cartel]], overseeing huge shipments of marijuana and their proper packagefication. She also ate the mummified remains of [[7]] out of a fossilized [[America Aeterna|Aeternan]] ditch. Anyways, Kathleen was Grand, and enjoyed the illegal drug market. However, a small portion, roughly 8.25%, of her brain yearned to return to Phoenix, Arizona. So, Poppa, understanding his adoptive daughter's demands, enrolled her in the Masters of Public Administration Program at the University of Phoenix.
+From 23 BB to 10 BB, in her teenage years, Kathleen was highly active in the [[Percibol cartel]], overseeing huge shipments of marijuana and their proper packagefication. She also ate the mummified remains of [[7]] out of a fossilized [[America Aeterna|Aeternan]] ditch. Anyways, Kathleen was Grand, and enjoyed the illegal drug market. However, a small portion, roughly 8.25%, of her brain yearned to return to Phoenix, Arizona. So, Poppa, understanding his adoptive daughter's demands, enrolled her in the Masters of Public Administration Program at the University of Phoenix. This was Grand. Kathleen attended university and recieved her degree, graduating in 6 BB with a Grand Hope for the Future. Unfortunately, many rotten things were afoot.
 [[Category:Characters]]