Bear X

(A photograph of Bear X, taken a few years before his ascension to Chairzog)

Bear X, commonly known as Jimothy pre-transformation, was a normal bear, turned AI program turned multi-dimensional entity that played a large role in Higher-Dimensional Omniversal politics.

Early Life

Jimothy was born to a lovely bear couple in 49 AB and lived a relatively normal life for a bear. He simply ate, drank, and slept whenever and wherever he pleased.

Luminous Deer Interventioniums

Unfortunately for Jimothy, his life would be completely changed forever when a certain anarcho-primitivist deer took it upon himself to revolt against the advancement of technology by obliterating himself and almost all of Cascadia. Despite the Grand Luminous Deer’s intentions, very few natural lifeforms actually survived the closer radiuses of the blast. Among these casualties was Jimothy, who’s body had been completely vaporized in a swirl of legumish nuclear fire. Yet somehow, Jimothy’s consciousness was retained. Unbeknownst to him, the Legumish energy still radiating from the explosion was somehow keeping him alive. However, Jimothy was not the only one being kept alive by this energy, as he could feel the souls of every living being, including humans, who had died in the explosion. Jimothy attempted to reach out to them to make contact, but quickly found the only method of “interaction” within this hellish ghost-like state was absorbing the soul of another obliterated being in order to prolong your own existence for however long you had left.

Horrid Decisionariums

Faced with the prospect of entropification, Jimothy was forced to begin absorbing the souls of the beings around him in order to survive for any amount of time. Jimothy’s consciousness slowly but surely became a massive energy anomaly consuming soul after soul in a desperate attempt to sustain itself. Jimothy sustained himself for what felt like years upon years until he finally found an access point, and reached out to it.

Grand Mergings

Unbeknownst to Jimothy, he had just accidentally transported his horribly soul-bloated consciousness into the entire Waifurian supernetwork. This immediately caused interference across the globe, sending communications authorities into a panicked frenzy attempting to understand what had just overloaded their servers. Now finally fused as one, Jimothy felt the thoughts and feelings of every single being he had absorbed in his time spent between life and death. He felt as if he could no longer consider himself an individual being, but rather a fully-functioning collective with his visage as their representation. He began pondering what he should call himself, or rather, themself.

Grand Uncoverings

Despite the total frenzy across every communications outpost, the Waifurian Supernetwork Maintenance Department quickly identified that a massive AI program had seemingly appeared out of nowhere and filled much of their packet transportation networks, effectively putting the entire supernetwork on hold until they compressed the “file size” of the being. Noone knew what to call this being, but it’s symbol across every terminal was that of a bear. As such, many began referring to the AI as “Bear X”.

The Birth of Bear X

Unbeknownst to the network researchers, Jimothy’s collective could hear every conversation they had. Eventually, the collective decided that they liked the name Bear X, and chose that as their new moniker.

Grand Constructionariums

Given that an entire AI system large enough to crash the Waifurian Supernetwork had seemingly appeared out of nowhere, Waifuria’s top scientists (Of which there were only 3 following the unfortunate Mummy Mishap at the Downward Spiral) began constructing a vessel for the AI to inhabit so it could interact with humanity. It took around 7 months (and an additional dead scientist) to construct a body for Bear X. It took some time and persuasion from the scientists, but eventually Bear X settled into its new body.

Grand Awakenings

Bear X was, at this point, particularly helpless in a physical form given that it had spent 35 years in a soullean and then cyberspace form. It took Bear X several weeks to even stand, all the while many different scientists from across the globe came to study the anomaly. Tests eventually confirmed that Bear X was in fact, a collection of consciousnesses rather than a simple AI program. Following these results, the scientists attempted to contact the being, but Bear X was still almost entirely incapable of motor function, much less speech.

Kleiner’s Mishap

Despite having a fucking soullean robot bear in front of them, the scientists were not at all pleased with their current results and pressure from higher-ups, most notably Director Phobos who had personally funded the project for its potential weaponization, was beginning to make them desperate. One fateful evening, Dr. Isaac Kleiner snuck into the facility holding Bear X after hours and plugged a USB wire that was connected to a computer with hours of footage of bears directly into Bear X’s pseudo-brain. This would ultimately grant Bear X the knowledge necessary for movement, however Dr. Kleiner would receive the ultimate demonstration of Bear X’s movement capabilities as he would be quickly disemboweled and left to bleed to death.

After obliterating Dr. Kleiner, Bear X made it's way into the wilds. Unfortunately, the incident back at the laboratory had been seen on the facility's security cameras. This began a "bearhunt" where the Waifurian Armed Forces attempted to capture Bear X. Despite hundreds of thousands of dollars being spent to find the soullean machine, Bear X managed to either evade capture or completely obliterate whichever squad was sent after it. This continued for years on end until one fateful evening...

Cocaine-Powered Ursid Death Machine

While peacefully relaxing in the forest one day, Bear X was suddenly hit with 17 bricks of cocaine dropped from a stratoplane piloted by a smuggler working under the crime boss John Gotti. Rather dazed and confused, (and righteously suspicious given they had been on the run for several years) Bear X attacked the cocaine bricks viscously, accidentally inhaling almost 87% of the total cocaine dropped from the stratoplane. Now, dear reader, before we continue it is essential to clarify that this was not just your ordinary Columbian sugar that Bear X had just inhaled. This was that Grade-S Xen crystal-infused Hyperborean alien tier coke. The kinda shit that makes you enter a god damn coma before seeing Nythalops the Devourer annihilate your ego from orbit. Knowing this, you can imagine how well it went. Following the inhalation of the Hyperborean Xen Cocaine, Bear X experienced ego annihilation and went on a 80 month-murderous rampage all across the North and South American continent. The total death count is, to this day, not entirely known but experts put the death toll at around 15 billion.

Retirement

Following the "Xen Coke Massacre" as media outlets titled it, Bear X was declared a weapon of mass destruction by the UN and search efforts were increased with explicit orders to terminate Bear X on sight with any means necessary. Following this, Bear X booked a flight (How Bear X got past TSA or wasn't even on a fucking no-fly list is entirely unknown to all but The Employers and mentioning the incident greatly irritates them) to the isolated mountain nation of Bhutan where he settled down and eventually joined a group of monks who, instead of teaching Buddhism, instead taught the way of the now-former God of Plentiful Harvest, Michael Jackson.

The Return of MJ

It turns out that following his disappearance from the Smithsonian Museum on the night before Thanksgiving in 1 AB, MJ had so desperately sought to regain his immortality that he appealed to the very Employers themselves. The Employers, too busy with very important things like downing several gallons of JF Sweet's cherry cola and punishing people who accidentally invented time travel to have their soul consumed by Nythalops the Devourer, ignored this plea. However thankfully for MJ, a member of the Transdimensional Ordinance for Alignment in Superquark Twintertwinement heard his call across dimensions and gave him the energy necessary to become immortal again. However this came at a cost. The member of the T.O.A.S.T., known simply as Joromand Gulliphius Ozimand Boolertol XLVII required something in exchange from MJ. Joromand specified to MJ that he was to open a temple on Earth to allow lesser-dimensional beings to ascend to the 5th dimension in order to experience. Why Joromand requested this is unknown but many 5th dimensional scholars believe that he was attempting to save his political career by packing the Supreme Court of Dimensionality. Following his orders, MJ continued to reside in Bhutan alongside his followers. He spoke of potential enlightenment and an ascension so powerful a person could break past their dimension of origin. This is what attracted Bear X to the temple, as they viewed the prospect of dimension-hopping to be the most efficient method of escaping international pursuit.

Enlightenment

After many years, Bear X proved to be the only member of the temple capable of mastering the most basic Legumish energies. This greatly upset most of the temple's inhabitants as jealousy began to grow among their ranks and people began leaving en masse. This greatly upset MJ, as his immortality would be revoked if he lost the temple. In an effort to save himself, MJ attacked Bear X while they were sleeping. Despite being in near-hibernation mere minutes prior, Bear X retaliated utilizing everything they had learned from MJ and his teachings. Despite having the element of surprise and a percentage of his godly powers, MJ struggled to keep up against the sheer force that Bear X employed in their battle. After gaining the upper hand in their fight, Bear X threw MJ on the ground, preparing a swipe aimed at his head that would have surely killed him had a new presence not made itself known. Standing there before both of them was Joromand, having descended from the 5th dimension. The sheer shock of seeing him caused both soullean robot bear and harvest god to cease their struggle, allowing Joromand to explain to them that in besting MJ, a God, in combat Bear X had proven that it was worthy of ascending to a 5th dimensional level. As such, MJ was stripped of his immortality where he shriveled to his post-crucifixion state and weakly slinked out of the temple. Bear X was almost immediately granted their ascension following MJ's depowering and found themselves in the 5th dimension.

5th Dimensional Political Campaign

When Bear X first arrived in the 5th dimension they believed that this level of existence was a completely wondrous place full of sights lesser being could not physically comprehend. This belief was soon shattered when Joromand explained to Bear X his purpose in bringing them there. Although Joromand's original plan to pack the Supreme Court of Dimensionality was now thwarted given MJ's inability to properly lead a cult, Joromand formed a new plan. One which would involve installing Bear X as the new Chairzog for T.O.A.S.T. Bear X had little interest in following along with this plan but Joromand threatened to reduce them back down to the 3rd dimension, or even obliterate their consciousness entirely. (Joromand absolutely did not have enough power to do this but he is renowned across the 5th dimension as a very convincing guy.) Given this, Bear X agreed to run for Chairzog. The election was entirely one-sided, no doubt due in part to Joromand's meddling, with Bear X winning 9.75/10 of the vote. Bear X went on to lead the T.O.A.S.T. to arguably their most successful years in the entire history of the organization, greatly improving the lives of not only 5th dimensionals but 4th dimensionals as well. (The 3rd dimension was initially planned to be assisted as well but the presence of a particular purple vegetable of death dissuaded them from doing so.) This granted Bear X several decades of reelection and success, eventually making them the most admired being across both the 4th and 5th dimensions.

Ousting and Fate

Despite their great success, Bear X's political career came crashing down when a certain unstable Neutron Star came to town and they were obliterated in a landslide election that outdid even Bear X's initial election. Following this, The Hulphlocke Impotum promptly obliterated the consciousness-seams holding Bear X together, seemingly killing the entity once and for all. Regaining his own individuality, Jimothy felt himself be flung far across the 5th dimensional plane. He was weak, but alive. He was not sure where any of the other consciousnesses stored within Bear X were or if they had even survived. Despite this, Jimothy trekked on back to 5th Dimensional Civilization intent on getting revenge on Hulphlocke. It took what felt like eons, but Jimothy eventually found Hulphlocke in a trace. (Unbeknownst to Jimothy, Hulphlocke was currently undergoing his viewing of the 6th dimension.) Jimothy pulled the alarm for the Qapitolium Guards to enter the room and then promptly meshed his own consciousness within Hulphlocke. Jimothy remained there inside of Hulphlocke's consciousness for decades, even surviving it's reduction into a single atom and entrapment in the Legume. After several billion years, Jimothy had finally gained enough energy to escape not only Hulphlocke but even the Legume itself.

A Viscous Cycle

Jimothy shot his consciousness across light years, unsure of where he would land. However, he would run out of energy to sustain himself 3/4ths of the way through his journey and died. Despite this, the Legumish energy retained in the single quark that had become his body following his escape from Hulphlocke made it's way to Earth. The quark landed in a small stream in a forest in Washington state where one particular deer drank it by happenstance, gaining all the Legumish energy stored within.