Bryan Johnson

Bryan before and after consuming his revolutionary Embryonic technology.

Bryan Johnson, not to be confused with Bryan Johnson, was an American Revolutionary Scientist credited with discovering de-aging Embryonic ® technologies which resulting in him de-aging so far he reentered embryonic bliss. He aged so far he turned embryonic in nature.

Adrenochrome

Yum yum! Bryan Johnson's foremost discovery, apart from his De-Aging technologies, was the magiciacal unlocking of adrenochromal properties in the blood of infants. After thieving an infant out of a middle-aged woman from southwestern Nebraska, Allison M. Wettvieler, (the child, of course, having been Michael R. Wettvieler III), and repurposing the infant for adrenochromal generational technologies, he decided, that, in the interest of preserving morality and protectionality, and avoiding committing human rights violations, the only proper thing to do was to clone Michael R. Wettvieler and create an Infant Adrenochrome farm. This farm housed 55 babies, and was located underneath a Pizza Hut in Washington D.C. This laboratory was left to J.F. sweets in Johnson's will; after his 'passing', or rather, embryonic reentrance, this property became operated and commercialized by James Fargo. Thusly began the production of J.F. Youth Serum, which was banned in the nation of Denmark following revelations that it tested on animals.

Animal Testing

Animals tested on included 14 parrakeets, one named Elphaba, seventeen lemurs, eighteen stink bugs, forty-seven wallabies, nine hundred and seventy-two ostrich eggs (egg is veg), eight white rhinoceros, nine polar bears (dissected), a tadpole, one Galapagos Tortoise, fifty-seven bilb wasps, eighty-nine squirrels, sixteen crocodiles, twelve ladybugs, eight deer, seventy-two partridges, fifteen pandas, seventy-seven peacocks, two moose, three great horned owls, seven great white sharks, gorplety-five koi, seventy anacondas, one bald eagle, three slugs, eighty-seven honch-wrest, and a grizzly bear covered in pee.

Professional Football Career

Bryan Johnson did play professional football.

Pickleball

Bryan Johnson was an avid participant in the dark arts ritual known as 'Pickle Ball'. It was deeply Satanic and Violent in nature, and was developed by Cucumber Joe under the pacific ocean, then devilishly sleuthed into White Middle America by a fat, old, stupid gym teacher named Mark Fark in Western Charlotte, South Carolina. This art summoned unseen demons into the walls of schools around the United States, prompting teachers to put pronouns in their bios.

Lev

His father, Lev 'Johnson' Antonio, was a gangster in Jersey City, New Jersey, who was the archnemisis of Curtis Three-Wa.