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Amazonia

From The Rick Hernia Omniverse Wiki
Revision as of 12:46, 6 December 2022 by w:c:the-rick-hernia-omniverse>Fabafaba32
The flag of Amazonia

Amazonia was a large dystopian corporatocracy situated on what had once been the Amazon Rainforest.

Corporate Merger

Amazonia was birthed from several different unfortunate circumstances, which unfolded simultaneously and led to the collapse of Brazil (Brasil).

In 26 BB, The Bezor created the website "Amazon", which was used to globalize online trade across the world and put small business owners out of jobs. Amazon was quickly a success, and began gobbling up smaller enterprises as it expanded across the continental United States. The Bezor soon became one of the richest men on Earth.

In 22 BB, Revered Brazilian leader President Floordeck was assassinated. This sent Brazil tumbling into chaos, with the country's Vice President, Marcus Hernandez (No relation to Richard Marcus Hernandez III) attempting to regain control as riots broke out across the country.

It was at this point that The Bezor was informed that the world's largest rainforest shared a name with his megacorporation. This, as I'm sure you may have deduced, would simply not due.

In 20 BB, with the failing state of Brazil in economic freefall, the good and gracious Bezor decided it was a grand time for him to file a class action lawsuit against the entire country for "copyright infringement" (i.e., the Amazon Rainforest using the same name as his company). Since Brazil did not have anymore courthouses, the trial was held in Jackson, Mississippi, where it was determined that Brazil owed The Bezor $422,223,256,266,342 for copyright infringment and psychological damages. President Marcus Hernandez attempted to refute this; but the Judge declared it sealed.

Hernandez attempted to explain to The Bezor that he did not have the funds nor means to pay this ridiculous quantity of money. The Bezor, in all of his graciousness and goodness, suggested a compromise- the entire Amazon Rainforest would become Amazon company property, and the country's immense debt would be nullified.

In a heartbeat, Hernandez accepted this deal; and thus, Amazonia was born.

Demolition

The Bezor and his minions set to work demolishing the Amazon Rainforest, with grand plans to erect a new, prosperous civilization, the likes of which had never been seen before.

The Bezor was a great admirer of the Combine; this was because he was secretly a Nihilanth, who had sought refuge from the Combine in exchange as acting as an informant on the doings of the Humans. Because of this treachery, The Bezor believed that the Combine Occupation of Mexico was an example by which he should build on- and build on it, he did.

The Bezor spoke to the disenfranchised and enslaved citizens of his nation via Bezocasts; these holographic displays were present on every street corner of his new empire.

Rise Up, Bezoria

Strict curfews were put in place for the poor souls living across this newly-formed nation. Six cities were erected from nothing in the span of three months. Rio De Janiero was occupied and became the new Amazonian capital city of Bezoria. The new nation of Amazonia mysteriously had Combine-level technologies, the likes of which had never been seen before from an Earthly Civilization.

Combine Civilian Protection units, wearing yellow Amazon armbands, began popping up across the country. When questioned about this, Bezor claimed that they had been "reprogrammed". This did not explain why they frequently murdered civilians for missing the trash can with their garbage.

Bezorian Terror

QR Codes

The city of Bezoria was a horrific location. In 19 BB, a new policy was initiated, and QR codes were burned onto civilian's scalps, which could be scanned to recieve discounts on various deals on Amazon's website. The older the civilian, the better discount one might be able to get. Scanning the QR codes became like a game to American tourists, who had no empathy for the people of Brazil. "Look at these fools, living under a dystopian capitalist autocracy! That will never be us!", they would frequently say.

Initially, Bezor claimed that the wearing the QR Codes was a "civic duty" of the Amazonian citizens; however, it soon became apparent that he was abusing his own citizens in order to maximize profits.

Several weeks later, a "patch" was introduced, which resulted in all of the personal information of the civilian being displayed when their QR Code was scanned. The Social Security Number, Bank Account Password, and current Savings balance would all be displayed upon being scanned. Additionally, any criminal records were included in this database.

It's unclear how a "patch" could be implemented on a static image to begin with, bringing into question whether this had been The Bezor's intention from the start.

The city skyline of Bezoria. Note the massive fucking bust of The Bezor looming over the horizon. This image is to scale. It was a horrific sight.

Sadness Ban Vans

In 18 BB, it was declared illegal to be sad in Bezoria; individuals who experienced symptoms of sadness were kidnapped by Civilian Protection units and pumped with serotonin in the backs of unmarked vans. Those who resisted were subjected to Manhack torture. Because the living standards were so horrible in Amazonia, but especially Bezoria, most citizens were subject to serotonin injections once or twice a day. This was a part of Amazon's corporate "Smile More!" initiative, which aimed to improve the company's brand with a friendlier tone. Evidently, it worked, as they had their highest year of profits ever in 17 BB, despite the millions of human rights abuses occurring in Amazonia.

Alexa Mandate

In 10 BB, Amazon developed a new virtual assistant (and surveillance spyware), which they named "Alexa". Every Amazonian citizen was mandated to have one in their home. In addition to loudly and abruptly providing weather updates at 6 AM sharp each morning (the national wake-up time), it would also regularly sprinkle in Amazonian Propoganda; some examples of Alexa's pro-corporation statements might include:

"Have a great morning! Remember, Amazonia is good, and Amazonia is great! Glory to The Bezor! Glory to Amazon!"

"Work Hard, Have Fun, Make History!"

"You are lucky to be alive! Good citizens don't question authority. Remember to use code "B3ZOR" to get 20% on your next order on Amazon.com!"

State of Living

While President Floordeck had been no saint of a leader, he was an angel in comparison to The Bezor. Bezor's Amazonia, according to a 5 BB study, had a baffling 108% of the citizens living below the poverty line.

Thanks to President Floordeck's efforts of increasing massively the amount of affordable housing in the region, however, no Amazonian went unhomed.

The Bezorrian Origin Forme was awakened.

The Leak

In 3 BB, a fed up Houston, Texas, Amazon IT serviceperson by the name of Will Ferrin, who had worked five consecutive 16 hour shifts and almost died, decided he was going to sacrifice his life to stop Amazon. He ran to the Bezor's office, threw the Bezor out of his chair, and began kicking the Chairman. While The Bezor screamed for security, Will grabbed the Bezor's computer mouse, went to the Bezor's email, and downloaded all of his confidential emails to a thumb drive. He then uploaded these files, which included clear evidence of Combine collusion, to the popular social networking site, Twitter, owned by Elon Tusk.

Magarrish Statement.

Magarrish Wrath

Two Civilian Protection Officers shot and killed Ferrin without warning, but it was too late. The damage had been done.

Within minutes, U.S. President Donald J. Trump called The Bezor, and berated the Amazonian dictator for being a traitor, and telling him he had two hours to get out of the United States, or he would be "fired from life". The president also reiterated these remarks in a tweet later that day.

Soon enough, American forces were on their way towards the jungle en masse. Trump believed destroying Amazonia would be the key to showing the Combine to, in his words, 'fuck off', and possibly, the key to winning the Great META War. Trump was furious that The Bezor had been operating underneath his nose for all this time; he was furious that nobody had done anything about Bezoria before; his ancient Aeternian temples had been desecrated and Pangean LIfeforms were eradicated by the Amazonian Tree Harvesters.

So, the Great MAGA King himself traveled to Amazonia on a a military jet, and stepped out into the streets of Bezoria, the wind blowing in his thinning blonde hair. The Magarra Incarnate surveyed the wreckage which had befallen Brazil. He was reminded of his first arrival on Earth; when he had liberated the innocent Pangeans and brought peace and order to America Aeterna.

"Perhaps.... I must do it again.", he muttered to himself, before putting on his MAGA hat and tightening his fists.

The customary armor of the Great MAGA King, worn during the Incursion Of Amazonia.

The MAGA King led his forces, ten thousand strong, through the squalorous streets of Bezoria, disarming any and all Civil Protection Units which might come in their way. They marched onward, towards the massive monument of The Bezor's head which lurked at the center of the city; The MAGA King wanted a word with The Bezor.

The Bezor's Origin Forme was revealed.

They arrived with relatively little resistance, and burst open the door, expecting to find some poor Amazon Employee finishing their 32-hour shift. However, they were greeted with an even more grotesque sight- The Bezor, at nearly five times his normal size, convulsing and shrieking inside a gigantic replica of his own head. This was a fearsome moment, when the true nature of The Bezor was finally revealed- he was a Nihilanth.

Battle of Bezoria

A tense battle began, as the Bezor, shrieking, flew up to the top of the large room, and began hurling Amazon delivery trucks and shipping crates down at the American forces below. The MAGA King, channelling his Magarrish Quintessence, deflected these, and replied with huge, cascading arcs of Magarrish lightning, which singed and burned the skin of the wretched Bezor. The U.S. troops fired up at the hideous beast, but soon found themselves, too, faced with a challenge, as Amazonian Civil Protection Units entered the premises from all directions and began firing on the Americans. The MAGA King erected a massive dome of burning white Maga, which he used as a forcefield to protect himself and his soldiers. With a simple touch, his fatally wounded comrades could be healed, and this was the glory of Magarra on full display.

The Bezor, meanwhile, had located a container full of surplus Bezocast machines; and he began throwing them down onto the Americans. A monotone, corporate message droned over the gunfire on repeat;

"Welcome, welcome to Amazonia. You have chosen, or have been chosen, to relocate to this hemisphere's finest living establishment- with many thanks to our benefactors."

The Great MAGA King put a stop to this at once; in one fell swoop, he lept from the floor and came face to face with The Bezor. Levitating mere inches from the wretched, disfigured face of the Nihilanth, he paused for a moment.

"Donald... I had no choice. The Combine killed my family. It was my only way out- to spy for them. To conspire for them. You must understand, Donald... You Must understand!"

The MAGA King frowned at him. "You don't call me Donald. Very very disrespectful. You call me Emperor Trump. And you're fired."

On the last syllable, the MAGA King's orifices exploded with pure light energy, with the force of thirty-thousand neutron stars. This obliterated The Bezor instantly, as well as targeting the remaining Civil Protection Units. The energy beams scattered across Bezoria, killing every occupying force and liberating the Amazonians, making them Brazilians, Once Again.

Epilogue

Marcus Hernandez, who had been jailed for fifteen years since he said "I do not like Amazon", was reinstalled as Brazilian President. The country was finally allowed to prosper, thanks to the heroic actions of the Great MAGA King, which, unfortunately, would never be known to the world, as he had committed several dozen war crimes. But they were the good guys so it's okay!