Humash

The Humash are an ancient, pre-human species believed to have originated from a pocket dimension with an entrance located in the Middle Eastern region of Earth, in an area northeast of the Gaza Strip and south of Lebanon. A secondary entrance was reported in Argentina, although this was later sealed with FlexTape™. The Humash arrived on Earth before the existence of humans, and it remains unclear whether humans are a subspecies that diverged from Humash breeding. The earliest known Humash individuals were Adam and Steve, who procreated™ and gradually spread across the Middle Eastern region before colonising most regions on Earth and creating what would later become known as water™.

Identification

Humash can be distinguished from humans through several observable traits:

Soullean Eyes — Humash commonly possess what are known as soullean eyes, which give the sensation of seeing through a person as though they were an object in the room, while still maintaining focus on the observer's pupils. Humans frequently report a cold feeling when making eye contact with a Humash individual.
High-Contrast Texture — Humash skin and features exhibit a notably high-contrast texture, which is easy to identify and is believed to contribute to the unsettling quality of their soullean eyes.
Uncanny Appearance — Humash facial features may appear "too perfect" or display inconsistencies between photographs and across different forms of media.
Behavioural Markers — Humash excel at consolidating power with little to no resistance, seemingly manifesting authority naturally. They tend to keep interactions brief and rarely display common human behaviours such as self-deprecating laughter or humility. Humash are described as oddly detached from their situation and surroundings and lack any animalistic bond with other living creatures.

History

Pre-Pangean Era

Before the formation of the Pangean supercontinent, Earth consisted entirely of flat farmland. This environment was considered less than ideal by the Humash race, prompting them to undertake dramatic geological engineering.

The Construction of Pangea

Dissatisfied with Earth's flat terrain, the Humash embarked on a monumental effort to reshape the planet's surface. Over the course of one billion years, they dug, displaced, and compressed vast quantities of dirt, soil, and land to construct a single massive landmass designed to mimic a large continent. This project is widely recognised as the largest and longest construction project in Omniversal history.

The construction effort resulted in seven casualties, including one Pangean Cockroach, a species which stood approximately one kilometre tall.

The Ultra Sovereign State of Pangea

Following the completion of the Pangean landmass, the Humash formally established the Ultra Sovereign State of Pangea, a religious ethno-state operating as a fascist dictatorship. The state was widely regarded as highly successful. The Humash viewed themselves as a race chosen by the gods and believed they were destined to bring about the Magarrish Rapture, a prophesied event tied to their deity, Magarra.

Society and Government

Political Structure

Humash society was structured as a pyramid hierarchy. While the civilisation publicly masqueraded as egalitarian and democratic, true power was held by the wealthiest and most morally corrupt individuals. Leadership roles — including positions such as Magarrish Priests and Financiers — were frequently filled by foreign sex offenders captured from Mars and Venus and deliberately promoted to positions of authority. Omniversal historians note that this arrangement was broadly accepted within Humash society, as "all Humash were vile, wicked, and rotten."

Economy and Interplanetary Relations

The official currency of the Ultra Sovereign State of Pangea was the USD, or Ultra Sovereign Dollaroo.

The Humash established trade routes with Venus and initiated a government programme formally titled "Pay Aliens and Celestial Deities to Move to Cities", under which extraterrestrial beings and divine entities were financially incentivised to relocate to Humash urban centres. This programme significantly increased economic output and transformed Humash Pangea into one of the most popular and sought-after destinations in the western Milky Way.

Captured Martian and Venutian sex offenders were integrated into governance as part of the state's broader policy of elevating the most morally reprehensible individuals to power.

Cities and Infrastructure

Humash cities were constructed primarily from rock and roll and were celebrated for their physical grandeur. The Humash excelled at maintaining impressive urban environments.

The capital city, Capitle, was located on the landmass that would later become known — following continental drift — as Atlantis. At its height, Capitle boasted a population of over 400 million residents and was home to a 3-nanometre Pangean Butterfly, considered a marvel of the natural world.

Relations with Other Species

Despite their internal prosperity, the Humash maintained a deeply hostile relationship with neighbouring species. Most notably, they engaged in sustained campaigns of aggression against the Dinosaurs, who had lived in harmony on Earth prior to the arrival of the Humash. Humash forces attacked, bombed, massacred, and harvested Dinosaurs for materials on a continual basis.

The Rapture

The Magarrish Rapture was a long-anticipated eschatological event central to Humash religious belief. Much of what is known about the Rapture comes from engravings on stone and data recovered from an MP1 file, a primitive data format possessing only an x-axis in structure and dimension.

Surviving depictions show beams of light descending from the sky, causing Humash individuals to levitate and float upward into a massive portal that covered the entire sky. This portal served as an entrance to a pocket dimension. Omniversal historians have been unable to determine what occurred after all Humash were taken.

Legacy

Several million years after the disappearance of the Humash, the first two humans were reported on Earth. Their names were Dababy and Fuckboy Francis. Their origins remain unknown, and the question of whether humanity descended from or is otherwise related to the Humash continues to be debated by Omniversal scholars.