Javier Malaise
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Javier Malaise was the Argentinian EpicPresident and presiding Presider of the Supreme Glorious Cultivae of MVGVFVCK Magarrish Argentina.
Javier Bornquish
Javier was born to parents Stefan Lukas Malaise and Lenna Offenkopfer Malaise in 50 BB, in the small town of Neohamburg outside of the Argentinian capital of Floda. He was taught by Education-Waffen Director Oscar the Grouch from a young age, mentored keenly in the way of Lobotomitary Libertarianism. He was mocked by other children in the street because he looked stupid. When he reached the ripe age of 4, Javier was lobotomized by Oscar the grouch, and his leftover brain matter was provided to the United States Government. Oscar the Grouch inserted a Goop Chip into Javier's head, which was synthesized to protect Javier from attackers. The Goop Chip gave Javier the power to summon green Malaise wherever he went, a strange floating bubble solution than smelled of erasers and vape juice and was especially keen on entering the nasal cavities of mice. Oscar then at age 7 completed the great work of art 'The Art of War', which was later discovered to be plagiarized from Sun Tzu.
As an adult, Javier frequently inbred his dogs and often stated he planned to marry them.
He did not amount to much in life, for his green Malaise erupted whenever he became irritated, thusly preventing romantic entanglements as well as business dealings. However, following the Magarrish Revolution and the onset of Neo-Aeternia in North America, Javier was identified as the most 'American-looking' person in Argentina and thusly was installed as ruler by Donald J. Trump, the Great MAGA King. Javier had no idea what he was doing as Presiding Presider, and thusly used his parents' Lobotimatory Libertarianism tactics to eviscerate the economy and send 80% of the country into unemployment. The Neo-Aeternian Finance Pile thusly diverted $20 billion monthly to Malaise's country, in order to keep Argentina afloat; but more importantly, to utilize the country's vast wealth of resources, under the direction of Agarthaseeker JD Vance, to search for the Tunnel to Agartha.