Tethisian Economic Factorium of 479 AB
More actions
Description:
The Tethisian Economic Factorium of 479 AB was a horrific set of blunders that occurred over the course of several weeks in the Tethis System that resulted in the near-total collapse of the local economy and had terrible results that lasted for several decades to come.
A System Doomed:
The Tethisian economy was already in a period of decline following the invasion of the Combine some decades earlier, and the disaster resulting from the comet HC-243XB colliding with Tethis-2 only made things worse. Tethis-2 was, of course, the system's capital world. All life on Tethis-2 save for a handful of microbes was rendered extinct from this collision and untold damages to infrastructure were incurred. Obviously, this was not very good for the system's ability to perform. An emergency government was formed on Tethis-5 and the entire system was effectively put into martial law following the collision in order to assist in the restructuring process. This greatly upset the citizenry of the system, and while most simply adapted to the changes brought about by the decision, some began to revolt against the system's government. Between a civil war, massive political power struggles, and an already bleeding economy, the populous of the Tethis System did not believe things could get much worse. They were wrong.
Grand Gambling Extravaganza Tour:
Unbeknownst to the people of the Tethis System, The Auditor was doing his bimonthly drunken gambling tour across the Omniverse. Why he did this is and in such frequency is unknown but it greatly annoyed the other Employers and frequently ended with several hundred people being vaporized, roughly 52 local governments overthrown, and a dozen or so planets exploded per tour. Unfortunately for the Tethis System, The Auditor, unimaginably intoxicated off of his favorite cola, had decided that the Tethis System was his next venture. The Auditor parked himself directly into the finest gambling establishment on Tethis-7, and simply waited for a game to start at his table. Given that the people of Tethis-7, much like everywhere else in the system, were in desperate need of cash, many had turned to gambling in order to simply play their way into a fortune. About 24 straight games of Tethisian Poker were played at The Auditor's table, and he won absolutely fucking none of them on account of his extreme intoxication. This angered him greatly, and he exploded the game table, much to the displeasure of his fellow players as they now had several pieces of wood and metal embedded in their chests, faces, and stomachs. The Auditor walked up to the owner of the establishment and, brandishing a rocket launcher, demanded the entire revenue of the business or else he was going to blow up the entire building. The owner, however, declined his offer. This, dear reader, was an unimaginably horrible mistake. Enraged, The Auditor launched a blast of energy at the owner. In his drunken stupor, The Auditor put much more energy into the blast than he would have sober, and accidentally obliterated the entire planet of Tethis-7. This was a horrible tragedium, as Tethis-7 was just about the only planet in the system where the global industry wasn't in a complete nosedive.
Abysmal Inflationarium:
Upset that he had accidentally destroyed where he was gambling, The Auditor moved on to Tethis-3. Here, dear reader, was where shit really hit the fan. Quickly finding the most pristine gambling establishment on the planet, a grimy alleyway in what could only be described as the Omniverse's most aesthetically unpleasant city next to Columbus Ohio post-Nuclear Pumpkin, he immediately summoned a stack of Tethisian currency so massive it altered the tilt of the planet by about 7 degrees. The Auditor gambled for 2 weeks straight, and had somehow managed to lose the entire stack of cash. He was far too drunk to be angry at this point so thankfully Tethis-2 survived, for now. Unfortunately, however, the Tethisian economy promptly collapsed due to the unimaginable inflation caused by The Auditor's money-summoning shenanigans. Upset at his losses, The Auditor traveled to Tethis-5 to ask the lead counsel on the planet for a refund. Upon the denial of their request, The Auditor simply exploded the entire Tethisian Governance Center, killing everyone inside.
Total Societal Collapsinariums:
The Auditor left the system shortly after, likely engaging in more interplanetary debauchery. The economic and political crisis of the Tethis System worsened about ten times pre-Auditor, and the entire system soon fell into total anarchy. Civilization in the Tethis System quickly devolved into a multitude of warlord states across the different planets that remained. Order was not restored in the system until the arrival of the Waifurian Empire some 57 years later. The surviving Tethisians told the Waifurian coordinators of the "shadow monster" which was responsible for the entire downfall of their civilization. These words eventually fell upon the ear of one Director Phovus, who had pieced together that it was The Auditor who was responsible for the mess made of the Tethisian civilization. This, alongside his previous discoveries made by unearthing the past of civilizations across the Milky Way, only served to fuel his determination to rid the Omniverse of the Employers once and for all.