St. Nick
More actions
| Nicholas M. Klaus | |
|---|---|
| Aliases | Santa Claus
St. Nick Nicky Boy Saint Nicholas Jeffrey |
| Biographical information | |
| Marital status | Mrs. Klaus |
| Date of birth | 12/25/2020 BB |
| Place of birth | Jerusalem |
| Date of death | 05/02/204,237,883 AB |
| Place of death | Unknown |
| Physical description | |
| Species | Humanian |
| Gender | Male |
| Height | 4'11 |
| Weight | 245 lbs |
| Eye color | Soullean |
| Appearances | |
Saint Nick was a prolific serial home invader and bootleg toy manufacturer who operated out of Glacier 43 in the Arctic Circle.
Early Life
Nick was born in a wretched slum in what would become Jerusalem, on the night of the birth of Jesus Christ. While Jesus was visited by the Three Wise Men that night, Nick was shat on by several cows and pigs, as his mother screamed in agony.
Nick was raised in a horribly sad state, with his mother and father working the fields of a Roman overlord (Pontiface Bollorpius XV), and his dear grandpappy working at the local woodmill, cutting logs and sawing things by hand.
Nick spent a lot of time with dear grandpappy, and he learned a grand deal about woodworking from him. Nick began manufacturing toys out of wood, mostly wooden horses or soldiers, which he would then sell at market for one septum each.
This all changed, however, for Nick, when Pontiface Bollorpius XV suddenly died and was succeeded by his malewife, Horticulture Dan, who promptly fired Nick's parents. Nick's grandfather also died from "unknown causes" at this time.
Nick's parents, penniless and on the brink of losing their splendorous real estate (horse shack), set off north towards Mesopotamia, in hopes of finding new success in the River Valley.
Mummy
Nick and his family arrived in Mesopotamia and were promptly greeted by none other than Joe Biden. At this time, at only the quaint young age of 300, the future Mummy didn't look a day over 18.
Joe Biden, at this time a successful rice paddy farmer, invited the family to come and work on his plantation.
The family was offered a house and accomodations, which they found very grand.
When Nick showed Biden his impressive woodworking skills, the future Mummy provided him with a woodshop- and 800 gold pieces. With this, Nick began his own toy building business.
Nick and Joe Biden also developed a romantic entwinement during this time; however, when Nick's family found out, they were enraged. Nick's father attempted to attack Biden; to no avail.
Nick's parents were vaporized, and Joe Biden placed Nick into an eternal slumber- only true love's kiss could awaken him.
Polar Imprisonment
Nick was cryogenically frozen inside