Alduin
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Alduin was the Draconic Destroyer of Worlds and God of Sugar. Alduin was unfortunately responsible for the Destruction of Earth, as well as several parking violations in the city of Briggards, Masachussetts.
| Alduin | |
|---|---|
| Aliases | Destroyer of Worlds
Emperor Valvovine Akatosh Jr. |
| Relatives | Akatosh (Father)
6 (Mother) Keith Cumshoes (Half-Brother) |
| Occupation | Destroyer of Worlds Squatter |
| Biographical information | |
| Date of birth | 6-9-420 B.B. |
| Place of birth | Briggards, Massachussetts (Allegedly) |
| Date of death | N/A |
| Place of death | Nirn Innards |
| Physical description | |
| Species | God Dragon |
| Gender | Male |
| Height | 10042' 3" |
| Weight | 34,202,388 Metric Tonnes |
| Eye color | Yellow |
| Appearances | |
Early Life
Alduin was birthed to his father, Akatosh, and his mother, 6, in 420 B.B. Alduin attended Little Tykes Boarding School in America Aeterna, where his mother resided (Akatosh was too large for the housing accomodations in this region). Alduin was frequently mocked and bullied by the other school children, mostly due to the fact he was a forty-foot long dragon. Alduin was banished from the Little Tykes Boarding School after an unfortunate verbal disagreement with his music educator resulted in the 'Arts & Crafts' wing of the school burning to a crisp.
G-Man Relations (Poor)
Alduin then returned home to 6, but was rather confused by the presence of a strange individual in the family house. The G-Man had begun courting 6 for unknown reasons. 6 instructed Alduin to keep quiet about her affair, lest Akatosh find out. G-Man attempted to connect with Alduin, cooking delicious meals of headcrab jambalaya and roast vortigaunt to share with Alduin. Alduin, a staunch vegan, refused these dishes, and politely asked the G-Man to stop cooking sentient beings. The G-Man obliged, but began leaving Xen crystals in Alduin's bedsheets.
Daddy Issues
The G-Man desired for Alduin to view him as a father figure. Alduin told him only saw G-Man as a homewrecker, and began distancing himself from G-Man. In 380 B.B, The G-Man grew furious with Alduin, and eventually made the Grave Mistake of contacting Akatosh, Alduin's father, about the young dragon's behavior.
Akatosh's Fury
Akatosh descended on Old Earth in a Grand Fury. In all of his divine wisdom, Akatosh did not realize that he was being cucked. Akatosh thanked the G-Man for being so kind towards his wife and son, and for telling him of his son's behavior, and then grabbed Alduin by the neck and flew up into the atmosphere.
Akatosh razed Alduin with the power of the Nine Divines, stripping him (temporarily) of his divine quintessence. Akatosh then threw Alduin back down to the surface, creating a massive impact crater in the town square of Briggards, Masachussetts.
Alduin was covered in rubble, and presumed dead. After witnessing this, 6, mortified, filed for divorce from the Dragon King, resulting in a nasty, bitter court battle which would leave Akatosh penniless (the G-Man claimed he did not influence the court's ruling in any way, shape or form).
Reawakening
Alduin slumbered deeply here for 140 years, until he was rudely awakened by the Nine Divines and his father, Akatosh. After exchanging a few pleasantries, Akatosh informed his son that the Grand Godlike Imperium Incarnate Embodiment of Power and Prowess, the Great MAGA King, had requested Alduin's help in destroying Old Earth. Alduin hesitated for several moments, thinking about his life on Earth. He then remembered the bullies who had hurt his feelings in elementary school. This hardened Alduin's heart, and after informing his father that his hatred towards the G-Man was not a phase, flew off towards the Bass Pro Shop Pyramid (where he would begin the planetary immolation process).
Destruction Of Old Earth
Alduin fought valiantly against the Dragonborn and Mike Pence in his quest to destroy Old Earth, and he was ultimately successful. After impaling the vice emperor on the Washington Monument, Alduin began focusing all his might on destroying the fabric of Earth's being. Alduin succeeded, and was rewarded by the Grand MAGA King via encasement in a planet (unrequested).
Nirn
After witnessing Alduin's incredible power, the Great MAGA King had thought it neccessary to contain the dragon's destructive essence. He encased Alduin in a synthetic planet, Nirn, and created two satellites, Masser and Secunda, from the sundered corpse of Mike Pence (and other materials). Here Alduin dwelled for the rest of his days, alone and trapped in an empty, hollow sphere.
Family Matters
The G-Man frequently visited Alduin in his prison, still attempting to repair their relationship. The G-Man brought a newborn Keith Cumshoes (Alduin's half brother, and son of G-Man and 6) to meet Alduin. Alduin responded by attempting to incinerate them both. This was one of the last interactions had by Alduin with an outside entity.
The G-Man returned in 1 AB with Keith Cumshoes trapped in a dark matter cage, to inform Alduin of the 'regretful demise' of 6. Alduin again attempted to incinerate the duo, but failed. The G-Man and Keith Cumshoes left (headed for the Albuquerque Glue Factory), with G-Man leaving the charred corpse of 6 inside of Nirn to 'keep Alduin company'.