Desert Couch Theorem

One of the Desert Couches.

The Desert Couch Theorem was a proposed explanation to the reason that couches began growing around the greater Albuquerque area. The Theorem states that due to the high volume of dissonance energy leaking through the Albuquerque Black Holes, couches began growing on the local cacti.

Couch Yield

The couches became the centerpiece of Albuquerque's economy. Every year, the farmers of Albuquerque would harvest roughly 3,000-4,000 couches. Near the final years of Albuquerquian habitability, the yield was upwards of 11,000 couches; however most couch farmers began falling violently ill during this time.

One of the varieties of Couch Monster. Note the human-like mouth and hands sticking out from under the couch cushion. Do Not sit here.

Couch Monster

By 47 AB, Albuquerque was a completely off-limits area, and Waifurian guards were stationed outside of the city with Anti-Nonsense armor suits. During their shifts, the guards would take breaks by sitting on the overgrown desert couches.

This habit ended after the Couches began mutating and growing appendages, such as human-like arms and teeth. This was a disturbing development, to put it lightly, and after a Waifurian soldier was consumed by Couch #2,024,343, a War on Couches was declared.

War On Couches

The War On Couches began and ended rather quickly, as atomic bombs were dropped on Albuquerque, killing the couch monsters. At least, most of them...