Auditor
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| Auditor | |
|---|---|
| Aliases | Employer |
| Relatives | Author Chraunror |
| Affiliation | Employer |
| Occupation | Employer |
| Biographical information | |
| Place of birth | The Outervoid |
| Physical description | |
| Species | Employer |
| Gender | Unknown |
| Height | 10'7 (Preferred Form) |
| Weight | Unknown |
| Eye color | Red (Preferred Form) |
| Appearances | |
The Auditor is one of the three Employers who reside outside of time and space. The Auditor is, according to the other two, the least intelligent of The Employers. However, that still places him leagues above most of the former Omniverse’s denizens.
The Auditor mostly lives up to his name, ensuring deals made with mortals in the Omniverse were paid back in full. (Lest they face Unforeseen Consequences) However, he seems to prefer inspection on a physical level, as he was the most frequently spotted of the Employers in the Omniverse.
Cherry Cola Addiction
The Auditor has shown a strange affinity for J.F. Sweet’s Cherry Cola, and he is seemingly emotionally dependent on the drink. When deprived of it, The Auditor becomes incredibly irritable even going so far as to.. well.. I’m really not at liberty to say. Following the destruction of the Omniverse, The Auditor switched to Cherry Coca-Cola as an alternative but it “Just doesn’t taste the same.” The other Employers have commented that The Auditor has become much more socially tolerable since the switch.
History in the Omniverse
The Auditor made several appearances throughout the Omniverse, acting as the Employer’s harbringer of “Ensured Repayment”, as they called it. The Auditor caused quite a ruckus on several occassions.
Herbert Moon Incident
Sometime after the Great META War, The Auditor visited a desperate, run-down town by the name of Armadillo. Seeking new business prospects, he came across a man by the name of Herbert Moon. Herbert was a greedy, incredibly superstitious, pathetic man in search of well.. “otherworldly” protection due to the rampant outbreak of the Hungarian Nanobug Jitters. The Auditor offered Moon immunity from the Jitters, but in exchange, Herbert vowed to accept whatever assignments were laid before him (by the Employers).
When the time came to accept his assignment, Moon refused. The Auditor, showing his usual impatience, drove Moon insane. This resulted in the Moon Massacre, after which Herbert was never seen by humanity again. He was presumably sold off as leverage for the Employer’s other dealings.
Demon Core Incident
While searching for a power source to fuel Waifuria Prime, the Black Mesa Research Facility had accepted a deal from the Employers. The Employers lent them the materials necessary to fuel the station, at the cost of Waifuria Prime's blueprints. The scientists then, agreed, and utilized the “Demon Core” (it was named with mysterious connotations by the Employers) to great success within almost all the trials conducted on it. Just before it was due to be presented to Joe Biden, The Auditor appeared, to ensure the Employers' side of the deal would be paid. The scientists refused to hand over the blueprints, fearing a mindrotten death if their betrayal of the Waifurian Empire were discovered. The Auditor did not take kindly to this, activating the Demon Core’s full potential in an untested area, killing the scientists immediately, and causing a massive radiation leak in 75% of the Facility. This portion of Black Mesa, Anomalous Materials, would not be habitable for several centuries.
Conquering of Kragdrysil
Late into the Omniverse’s history, The Auditor descended from the Outervoid into the Omniverse to obtain more of his Mummy-sponsored addictive Cherry Cola, but found that Waifuria Prime, the only vendor of this substance, no longer existed. This enraged The Auditor, and he scoured the entire Omniverse looking for more of it.**
(Several “Deals gone wrong” occurred during this search, the details of which The Employers refuse to share with us.)
Eventually he found a six-pack of Cherry Cola, hidden within the reserves of the Kragdrys Palace. The Auditor took this stash, but while leaving the palace was spotted by the guards and ordered to stand trial before the Empress. The Auditor obliged, seeing an opportunity. The Empress of Kragdrys was infuriated that she was being stolen from, and requested to speak to The Auditor’s manager. The Auditor said to her that he was his own employer. (A joke only he found funny) The Empress ordered The Auditor to be executed, to which he vaporized her, her guards, and the entire population of the palace. He claimed the Kragdrysilian throne for himself and ordered for every citizen of the capital to meet outside the palace.
The Auditor then gave a speech directing all lunar resources to the production of J.F. Sweet’s Cherry Cola. One man stood up to The Auditor, but before one syllable left his mouth, he was levitated into the air and exploded, setting an example for the populous. The Auditor remained on the planet for roughly 3 days until he had gained a “Sufficient amount” of his liquid meth. He then left a despot to run the planet for him, paying him in the moon’s newest product. The aftermath of hundreds of years of production of this cola left the skies of the planet dyed red from the artificial dye placed in the drinks, and the cola itself became the primary liquid on the face of the moon. The Auditor returned twice each year to collect his bounty, until the destruction of Inhersloht, which caused Kragdrysil to fall into the system’s star. Forever ending the production of J.F. Sweet’s Cherry Cola throughout the Omniverse.<ref>The Omniverse would end just 3 weeks later, but in that time The Auditor suffered major withdrawals and showed symptoms not unlike an epileptic seizure, only leaving this state upon hearing of the happenings on Exegol.</ref>
*Attempts to take photos of The Auditor, even with cameras without flash, usually resulted in the camera and the photographer spontaneously combusting, which The Auditor consistently refuses to claim responsibility for.
**It should be noted that JF Sweet's Cherry Cola seemed to induce within the Auditor symptoms akin to copious alcohol consumption, however it is unknown how this occurs.
***The Omniverse would end just 3 weeks later, but in that time The Auditor suffered major withdrawals and showed symptoms not unlike an epileptic seizure, only leaving this state upon hearing of the happenings on Exegol.
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