Joe Biden (Disambigaution)
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Joe Biden
| Joe Biden | |
|---|---|
| Aliases | Chairman of the Board
The Mummy Rotter Leather Hide Doll Osiris |
| Relatives | Hunter Biden (Son) |
| Affiliation | United States
Board of Waifuria Waifurian Empire |
| Occupation | Military General
North American Overlord Emperor of Waifuria |
| Biographical information | |
| Date of birth | 04/20/2,331 B.B. |
| Place of birth | Mesopotamia |
| Date of death | 05/04/44,332 A.B. |
| Place of death | Alpha Centauri B |
| Physical description | |
| Species | Human (Allegedly) |
| Gender | Male |
| Height | 5'10 |
| Eye color | Dead |
| Appearances | |
Joe Biden was an extremely influencial political figure in the Rick Hernia Omniverse, eventually becoming Emperor of Waifuria and ruler of the entire Local Supercluster.
Early Life
Straight Outta Mesopotamia (2331 BB-1700 BB)
When Biden was born in Mesopotamia, his parents bathed him the sacred Pond of Legume. The water imbued the future Emperor with an extraordinary gift: everlasting life.
Biden was raised in a river-valley civilization, where he worked with his father and brothers on a farm tending to goats and cattle. Biden had his very own rice patty, which he was very proud of.
Ancient Egypt (1700 BB- 1644 BB)
Young Joe remained physically ten years old until roughly 1700 BB. By this time, the river valley was starting to dry up, and Joe moved south to Egypt. Here, he became fascinated with the Great Pyramids, which would no doubt influence his choice of Imperial Palace later in life.
Joe integrated into the Egyptian society, and even became pharaoh for a time. When his immortality was realized, the Egyptian people began to worship him as a god, believing him to be the Egyptian God of the Underworld, Osiris.
Origins of Brainrot: The Curse of Osiris (1644 BB)
This greatly displeased Osiris, who sent a great plague of brain-eating termites to Egypt. These termites infected Joe Biden, and began slowly eating his brain. Due to his accursed immortality, Biden's immune system was able to defend against them for quite some time; however, by 400 BB, his brainrot had really taken hold. During his final days, it was believed Biden's cerebrum was filled with 89% termites and 11% brain.
When the plague did not immediately kill Biden, as it did many of his constituents, Osiris sent a grand flood to the Nile River, which swept up the Mummy and carried him across the Mediterrenean Sea to Greece.
Political Career
Serving in The Great META War (50 B.B.-8 B.B.)
Joe Biden fought as a general in the Great META War, becoming known across North America for his daring exploits against Combine invaders. He proliferated the use of Superpredators against Combine forces. He was highly acclaimed for his record of winning most of his battles, although he turned against his forces near the end of his command. This was conveniently close to when he suddenly decided to retire from the military and enter politics. After claiming he was "Chosen by God", Biden was unanimously appointed to become Chairman of the Board of Waifuria in 8 B.B.
Chairman of the Board (8 B.B.-1 A.B.)
As Chairman of the Board, Biden oversaw the five north American Nations; Ohio (only in theory), Canada, Mexico, the United States, and Jacksonville Florida. He was also the Board's representative for the United States during this time, as he was (according to his 'legal' birth certificate) born there. Biden was frequently at odds with the President of the United States at the time, the long-lived entity Donald J. Trump. After the January 6th Insurrection and the death of most American government officials, the two eventually decided to meet to settle their differences. Unfortunately, they were met with unforeseen consequences at their meeting, culminating in the Glue Factory Incident and Trump's alleged death.
Waifuria Prime
Joe Biden illegally commissioned the construction of Waifuria Prime in 1 B.B, as Chairman of the Board. He was not granted any international authority to do this and many U.S. and world leaders were incredibly upset with him. The Great MAGA King, however, commended the Mummy on this structure, saying it blocked out the sun and helped him feel more comfortable. The MAGA King thrived in... the Dark.
Biden was unable to explain why he constructed this hyperintelligent artificial satellite. Perhaps the megadonors and bureaucrats who puppeted the Leather Hide Doll's every move could've explained it.
North American Overlord (1 A.B.-10 A.B.)
As Overlord, he had jurisdiction over the entire North American Continent. Not much changed during this nine-year period, however nefarious agents in his employ were secretly moving to secure him unlimited authority and power. In 10 A.B., Biden was granted "godlike all-encompassing" authority by the Board of Waifuria, and held his own Imperial Coronation Ceremony. The Board was disbanded shortly after this. It is unclear if Biden ever actually wanted any of this power, or even if he was in control of his own mind at this point.
Emperor of Waifuria (10 A.B.-44,332 A.B.)
As Emperor, Biden commanded all of the local Supercluster at the peak of his power. The supercluster actually prospered under his leadership. During this time, he fathered Hunter Biden, who would grow up to be the Scourge of the Omniverse, as well as a colossal dissapointment.
Joe Biden slipped and fell in 44,322 A.B. He died, but remained sentient and mobile. The years that followed were disastrous for the Waifurian Empire and the Mummy deteriorated rapidly. In 44,332 A.B., Joe Biden was shot into the atmosphere of Alpha Centauri B in a coup, ending his reign as emperor.
Personality
He was prone to violent, senile rants and racist statements, as well as creating miniature combustions inside of his rotting mind. His true alliegances were unknown.
On May 22nd, 2 A.B., Biden was asked by reporters what he would say to the domestic terrorist G-Man (who was in prison at the time). Biden, after staring blankly into the sky for several seconds, responded, simply, “Hello…period.” This was a typical response for the vacant and eternally absent Biden.
He is suspected to have had major ties to the Legume.
Accursed Immortality
Biden used the powers of the Legume to create life. While not force-sensitive, he had an inexplicable connection with the Legume and it granted him great power throughout his life. He had such a knowledge of the Legume that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying. The Legume was a pathway to many abilities some considered to be unnatural. Biden became so powerful that the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his Vice Emperor, Marvin Fluxton, everything he knew. Then, his Vice Emperor killed him in his sleep (by shooting him into a star). Ironic. He could save others from death, but not himself.