Llamashire DMZ

The Llamashire Demilitarized Zone (LDMZ) was a 100-mile stretch of the Great Wall of Bolivia which existed under the eminent rule of the Bolivo-Argentinian Llama Landrover Scaliphate (BALLS). BALLS and the LDMZ existed under the control of ferociously feared Llama Sultan-Empress Spitbuckle Sawtooth IX the Grand.

Llamashire War Crime 1/3

The LDMZ came to be after the end of the Bolivian Sex Toy War of 55 BB when Bolivian Dildo Cartel Spokesman 'El Rapido' was caught by a CIA Megamagnet and sucked up into the stratosphere. Without their Spokesman, the Bolivian Dildo Cartel collapsed into anarchy. This gave the Bolivo-Argentinian Llama Landrover Scaliphate (BALLS) led by Spitbuckle Sawtooth IX the Grand, the opportunity to conquer and reclaim vaim swaims of Bolivian land as their own. The Llamas descended upon the Bolivian capital city of 'La Paz', which was grand. They hurled massive wads of spit down onto the civilian human populace, ending 1.3 million human lives in 2 minutes. This was the First Llamashire War Crime.

Llamashire War Crime 2/3

The second Llamashire War Crime was soon to follow. Spitbuckle Sawtooth IX entered the Bolivian Parliament building and located the cowering Bolivian Government Officials, who were hiding in a Grand Fear from the Llamatic Descendance. Unfortunately, Spitbuckle Sawtooth IX and his compatriots had exemplary senses of smell. To the Bolivian Humans, this was not grand. However, when Spitbuckle Sawtooth IX located the Bolivian Members of Parliament, he felt this was very grand indeed.

The United Nations was celebrating their 30th anniversary in 55 BB. Bolivia, at the last minute, withdrew their previous UN Delegate, Eduardo Sanchez, and replaced him with 'Human Mc Skinface', a misshapen, meandering, awkwardly tall hulking monster in a patchwork suit and coat who was not suspicious in any capacity.

When Human McSkinface made his way to the center stage of the UN Assembly Building in that Rotten City New York, he cleared his throat. However, it was at this moment that it was noticed that behind his beard and sunglasses, McSkinface had a rather strange face structure. A rather elongated snout, for a human. This was overlooked, at first, as you can never judge a book by its cover. However, the UN staff should've definitely judged this book by his cover, because McSkinface (now revealed to have been Spitbuckle Sawtooth IX all along!) sucked in his cheeks and let loose a furious barrage of spitwads, sending balls of saliva flying at mach speeds across the Assemblyroom and killing half of the international delegation instantly. Klaus Schwab was displeased. This was the second Llamashire War Crime.

Llamashire War Crime 3/3

The third Llamashire War Crime would occur a short time later. The United States Government, led by President Gerald Fjord, felt that the recent developments in Bolivia were not grand. In fact, they found these developments rather disgrandoidal. So, CIA Director George Herbert Wendigo Bush (Father of George W Bush) ordered the Intelligence Agency to begin covert operations to assassinate Spitbuckle Sawtooth IX the Grand. This would prove a horrific mistake.

On the eve of March 3, 54 BB, Spitbuckle Sawtooth IX and his Cohorts were playing a game of Human Skull Soccer in the courtyard of the Llamashire DMZ South Fortress. This was a game which involved the playing of Soccer with a Human Skull, usually freshly cleaned by the Llamakin or their Dragonbreather. Alternatively, this game was known as Human Skull Football; in Spanish, the local tongue, the game was called 'Jugo Hombre Cabeza!' This was grand.

Unfortunately, CIA Operatives did not find Human Skull Soccer to be 'Grand'. In fact, they found it rather mortifying and abhorrent. And so, George Herbert Wendigo Bush (who was not the Wendigo) ordered his agents to attempt to talk down the Llamas from causing anymore human suffering for their rotten game.

CIA agent Mark Fork stepped out onto the blood-covered turf and put his hands on his hips.

"Hola, animales!" se llama Sr. Fork, "El Presidente exige esto - Ustedes necesitan detener el jugo horible!" (Hello, Animals. The president demands this- you need to stop playing the horrible game.).

The Llamas responded by punting an elderly woman's head into Mark Forks, decapitating him. Mark Fork was the first Human in Omniversal History to be decapitated by a decapitated head.

Another CIA agent, perhaps equally brave or stupid, entered the field, tightening her belt around her waist. Her name was Eliza Smalls, and she was-

oops, there goes her head.

Eliza Smalls was the second human in Omniversal History to be decapitated by a decapitated head, that being Mark Fork's head, which was kicked at her mere seconds after flying off of its owner's body, thus making the two lifelong coworkers victims of the exact same horrendous crime at the exact same horrendous time.

The Foul Llamashire Cohort found this rather humorous, and cackled as blood splurted out of the corpses of their victims.

Spitbuckle Sawtooth IX advanced on these bodies and reached inside, finding a strange black bag marked with English letterings and locks. In his Llamanish wisdom, Spitbuckle determined these were nuclear launch codes, and thus licked his teeth clean of plaque, sucked his lips together, and hurled the largest possible spitwad in Omniversal History at the Nuclear Football.

This was a grand feat. Unfortunately, Spitbuckle had just done a horrendous thing. This was not a nuclear football- it was a nuclear honing beacon. And Spitbuckle, by some Omniversal Nudge of Strange coincidence, had just launched every offshore US Nuclear Missile in South America directly to his own location- in what was the 33rd Grandest Horrendium of All Time.

The Llamashire was thusly obliterated (along with all of Bolivia) and all surviving members of BALLS died of Llamatic Radiation Poisoning. All Bolivian humans died too, by the way. This was the 3rd and Final Llamashire War Crime.

Addendumoniumium

But this was not the final action of Spitbuckle Sawtooth IX. Just as the nuclear cloud enveloped the mountain range beyond the Llamashire DMZ, the Llama Tyrant heard a soft, chilling voice from behind him, and saw a blinding white doorway open up in the field beyond. Time froze- the nukes froze, his dead and dying compatriots froze. And from beyond the white walked a strange, strange individual in a strange strange suit.

"Time, Mr. Sawtooth?", said a graying, furious G-0001, crumpling a wanted poster of a coca-cola-drinking deity in his hand, "Is it really that time... again?"