Mister Nefarious
More actions
Mister Nefarious
| Alan M. Nefarious | |
|---|---|
| Aliases | Mister Nefarious
|
| Relatives | Cecily Morbius (through marriage) |
| Occupation | Domestic Terrorist |
| Biographical information | |
| Marital status | Helen Morbius (m. 8 B.B-15 A.B.) |
| Date of birth | 40 B.B. |
| Place of birth | East Valley, New Jersey |
| Date of death | 15 A.B. |
| Place of death | North Korea |
| Physical description | |
| Species | Human |
| Gender | Male |
| Height | 6'11 |
| Weight | 203 lbs. |
| Eye color | red |
| Appearances | |
Mister Nefarious was a Supervillain who terrorized the United States of America and (temporarily) an American hero who brought an end to the Great META War.
Cucked by the Combine
Mister Nefarious dedicated his life to committing unforgivable acts of pure evil. Unfortunately, nobody paid much mind to Mister Nefarious for much of his life; he was constantly overshadowed in terms of villainy by the Combine.
He grew frustrated as he blew up buildings, robbed banks, and murdered government officials, all to very little reaction from the American public. Nobody seemed to care about Mister Nefarious, and he spiraled for several years into a state of depression and despair. He gained a lot of weight and refused to go outside, spending his time playing Pac-Man Party and bingeing Gilmore Girls. Just when Nefarious had given up hope, a brilliant idea popped into his head...
Presidential Assassination Rescheduling
In 1 B.B, the Meta War had been raging on for two hundred years. Nefarious had been planning an elaborate presidential assassination scheme involving the Great MAGA King and several gallons of hydrofluoric acid. However, that day, Nefarious went to Starbucks with his wife to grab a coffee. What transpired here caused him to postpone the assassination attempt (a decision which he would ultimately regret, as the United States President would cease to exist in 1 A.B.)
Doxxing the C.O.C.K.
When Mister Nefarious opened his phone inside of Starbucks, and connected to the free public Wifi, he noticed something peculiar- a mysterious connection named "Not_A_Combine_Gunship". The network was unprotected, and Mister Nefarious connected to it. Within minutes, he found himself surfing through thousands of completely unguarded highly sensitive Combine Office files.
When Mister Nefarious got home, he reached out to a friend who was "connected" with the dark web. His friend preferred to remain anonymous (his name was Mitchell W. Fasbender 3044 Nester Lane, Arlington, Virginia 20301). His anonymous friend informed him that the connection was so weakly maintained that a simple ZIP bomb could take the C.O.C.K. servers out for weeks.
Mister Nefarious, sensing his opportunity to commit a destructive blow of terrorrism (although, unfortunately not domestic), decided to strike. He uploaded a 45 petabyte zip file titled "nefarious" which contained a roughly 7 x 9 Billion pixel image of his face.
This file completely took down the Combine's servers on Earth. To make matters worse for the Combine, Nefarious doxxed the Combine Offices Complex Knot and sent the information out to the Board of Waifuria and United States government. The government now knew that the Combine was based out of the Andromeda Galaxy. This did not help the war effort. However, the people of Earth rallied around Mister Nefarious and he became adorned as a National Hero.
Attack on the C.O.C.K.
Some time after this, U.S. President Donald Trump instructed Mister Nefarious, America's Favorite Superhero, to go to the Andromeda Galaxy and destroy the Combine Offices Complex Knot. Mister Nefarious responded by trying to assassinate Trump (he still wanted very badly to kill world leaders). The attack was never carried out due to the Andromeda galaxy being millions of lightyears away, as well as the Legume Arrangements.
Gigamagnet
Since the public liked Mister Nefarious so much, he was relatively untouched by the authorities after his assassination attempt. From the Combine Intelligence he uncovered, Nefarious deduced that all of the Combine Troops had a mysterious metallic substance within their armor, more magnetically volatile than any naturally occurring substance on Earth.
Nefarious traveled to the Black Mesa Research Facility, and immediately explained how he intended to win the war: with a massive magnet. At first, the Black Mesa scientists laughed at his idea; however, Nefarious proved he was serious. He displayed an in-depth blueprint and outlined a 4-month plan to construct the Gigamagnet. The Black Mesa scientists reluctantly agreed to assist in the construction of the Gigamagnet after Nefarious threatened them with death if they did not comply.
When finished, the magnet was roughly the size of a small personal pizza. However, the nefarious aspect of this invention was that it could extend out to over 5 million times its size, covering a large portion of North America. Mister Nefarious used this magnet to remove all Combine forces from North America (and later, the rest of the world). The Combine forces were all frozen to death in space and shot out into the cosmos at lightspeed. The Combine Death toll from this incident alone likely weighed in at roughly 10 million deceased.
Expungement
Nevertheless, the battle had been won. To show their thanks to Mister Nefarious, the Board of Waifuria CIA brainwashed him and erased all public records of his existence. The public was gaslit into believing he had been a hoax. Mister Nefarious had been expunged.
Mister Nefarious lived out the rest of his life in a jail cell in rural North Korea, alone, and with nothing to do. His life was awful for the last fifteen years.