Salmon Song Lu

Salmon Song Lu, on his way home from a Grand Presidential Duty, in the gentle grasp of his handler, John.

Salmon Song Lu was a Sockeye Salmon who was elected president of the island nation Paupau New Guinea in 5 AB. Salmon Song Lu beat the incumbent, John Johnsfeld, in a landslide election, winning over 96% of the popular vote. He died three months into office, after being murdered by a spacetime anomaly.

Salmon Song Lu
Aliases	Mister President President Salmon Grand President
Relatives	30,000 unnamed Sockeye Salmon
Affiliation	Ocean Party of Paupau New Guinea Sex Association
Occupation	President
Biographical information
Date of birth	May 4, 4 AB
Place of birth	Johnmark Breeding Facility
Date of death	July 31, 5 AB
Place of death	Downward Spiral
Physical description
Species	Sockeye Salmon
Gender	Male
Height	1'2"
Weight	21 lbs
Eye color	Yellow
Appearances

Policy Areas & Focus

As a member of the Ocean Party, Salmon Song Lu had a very pro-environmental outlook on the future of Paupau New Guinea. Salmon Song Lu fought valiantly during his three months in office to secure a better future for the children of Paupau New Guinea.

Typhoon Theorem

The Downward Spiral, which existed just south of Paupau New Guinea, was causing grand disruptions to the oceanic current in the Pacific Ocean. Paupau New Guinea was experiencing four-hundred foot tsunamis every few hours. This was becoming unlivable for the residents of Paupau New Guinea. Additionally, the Downward Spiral had successfully broken the world record for highest wind speed in a terrestrial storm forty days in a row, at one point clocking in at fourteen thousand kilometers per hour. The Downward Spiral whipped the atmosphere up into a flurry and sent regular, daily stage-5 typhoons towards the southern coast of Paupau New Guinea.

Salmon Brain Idea Factorium

Salmon Song Lu, upon his election to the presidency, immediately imprisoned his predecessor and delivered him to the Board of Waifuria Detention Facility at Alcatraz (reasons unknown). Salmon Song Lu then ordered the presidential palace be flooded with water, so he could ambulate in a natural fashion. This was done, and Salmon Song Lu was pleased. Salmon Song Lu was assisted in this effort by a seven-hundred foot tsunami which ripped the presidential palace off of the ground and smashed it violently into a nearby skyscraper. The President didn't care (or notice) this.

Salmon Song Lu, being a fish, and a rather stupid one at that, floated the idea of 'sucking up' the entire Downward Spiral. His aides calmly explained that such a volatile spacetime anomaly could not simply be 'sucked up'. Salmon Song Lu began racking his hollow fish brain for ideas on how to calm the monstrous storm.

Mummy Rot Imminence

President Salmon Song Lu contacted The Brainrotten leader of the North American Overlorddom, believing that perhaps he could offer some insight (the Rotter had no insight in that termite-infested skull of his).

The Mummy, in all his wretched splendor, suggested attempting a 'diplomatic solution' with the Downward Spiral. This idea was rotten.

President Salmon Song Lu, being a fish, and a rather stupid one at that, decided he would personally travel to the Downward Spiral and ask it politely to calm down. When President Salmon Song Lu entered the outer edge of the Downward Spiral, he was pulled from his Grand Presidential Bucket by the wind and flung into a rock at roughly twenty thousand kilometers per hour. He splattered and died.