Bite of '87

the Bite of '87.

The Bite of ‘87 was a cataclysmic mass extinction event which occurred on Nex Kroasis and across the Omniverse in 87 B.B.

Heart of Kroasis

The Bwemer had murdered the Old God Kroasis, and his sundered corpse has formed the Kroasis system. The planet Nex Kroasis, which was created from the celestial being’s heart, had ironically been subject to  Bwemer colonization, eventually becoming the Bwemer surrogate homeworld, after leaving Vim.

The Bwemer were, unfortunately, major polluters. They had severely damaged the atmosphere of Vim, and they had quickly began polluting the atmosphere of Nex Kroasis with Redstone gas.

Seeing this further desecration of his brother’s corpse, Leosis, god of planets and moons, became infuriated. He traveled to Nex Kroasis in a mortal form, claiming to be a messenger from the gods and demanding the Bwemer leave Nex Kroasis at once.

The Bwemer killed this mortal form.

Extinction of the Bwemer

Leosis was secretly gleeful at this, as he felt this justified his next action. Leosis traveled to Nex Kroasis in his Celestial form (roughly 5x the size of Jupiter). He bent over the planet and carefully bit off the Bwemer capital city of Marrin. He then licked every Bwemer off of the surface. When he had finished with Nex Kroasis, he traveled through the rest of the Omniverse, careful to eat every last Bwemer (and only Bwemer). When the day was done, Leosis relaxed. He felt justice had been done.

Damnation of Leosis

The Author was rather annoyed at Leosis for this interference with the course of time, but neglected to undo his son’s actions. The Author sentenced him to one hundred years of damnation on Pluto.

Planetary Pizzeria

Leosis started a restaurant here, known as the Planetary Pizzeria. He crafted delicious highly detailed miniature planets out of chocolate for his guests, and even named his Xen crystal pizza the “Bite of ‘87”. When guests asked what this meant, he happily recounted the tale of his Grand Bwemer Factorium.

Unforeseen Consequences

With the Bwemer gone, the Combine had no equal adversary left in the Omniverse. Thus began the age of Combine Expansion, Culminating in the 200-year Great META War, after which Combine expansion would stagnate and the Waifurian Empire would begin expanding in their place.

Had Leosis not eaten the Bwemer, the Omniverse would not have ended prematurely. The Combine would have remained Quelled, The Great META War would never have happened, and the Mummy would have remained a harmless, powerless, unimportant Wolf Man for all eternity.