Hulphlocke Impotum

Hulphlocke Impotum

The Hulphlocke Impotum was a mysterious divine entity and twice impeached Chairzog of the Transdimensional Ordinance for Alignment in Superquark Twintertwinement.

Who was Hulphlocke?

The Impotum was a sentient, rapidly spinning neutron star, which was mounted impossibly to an immobile platalonium saucer. The Hulphlocke Impotum, was, by all accounts, a horrific entity, although this was not because of its physics-defying nature. No; in fact, the Hulphlocke Impotum was a controversial figure in transdimensional politics, as it was a vocal proponent of the strictly forbidden 'Omniverse Theory'.

Fifth Dimensional Woes

The Hulphlocke Impotum, translated in its native language to a pronouncation about five times as jerrunick (Quasi-Peruvian for 'complicated'), was the first ever Chairzog elected to the Transdimensional Ordinance for Alignment in Superquark Twintertwinement. Hulphlocke Impotum won in a landslide in the Exogalactic Bin Shit Supercouncil, crushing, and later annihilating, its opponent, Bear X. Hulphlocke Impotum, having initially been concieved in the fourth dimension, experienced great difficulty adjusting to the fifth dimension (where its new quarters, the Quantum Qapitolium), were located. This was due to the Superquark Theoromium of the fifth dimension, which compounded particulates in every atom apart and back together again approximately thirty times per nanosecond.

Hulphlocke Impotum, having been a neutron star for most of its life (and a Gennexian Zhinderbick beforehand) was somewhat used to rapid motion, and was able to slowly transition into this fifth-dimensional lifestyle over the course of sixteen Garraxi-Plark Submoons.

The Expulsion of Ed Wool from the Fifth-Dimensional spacetime fabrices.

Dark Dreams

Within the twentieth Garraxi-Plark Submoon of its Chairzogdom, however, Hulphlocke was privy to an incredible discovery. Hulphlocke was visited in its Stelloric dream by the three-dimensional god of fire, Ed Wool. Ed Wool attached a neuroquantorium to the pseudomind of Hulphlocke, and pumped violent quanities of Venusian inflation porn into the mind of the poor neutron star. These immodest and shocking images were of great displeasure to Hulphlocke, who forced itself awake with a micronova, sending Ed Wool's astrodimensional projection hurtling backwards to the third dimension.

Hulphlocke's run in with Ed Wool, however grotesque, made it begin pondering the nature of the Omniverse. If beings so vitriolic and simple-dimensioned as Ed Wool existed on lower planes- then did being higher than Hulphlocke exist, as well?

Horrific Discoveries

Hulphlocke spent several Breadminutes pondering this, before promptly tearing a hole in Quanturian Triplespace and visiting the sixth dimension. Although this task caused Hulphlocke great hardships, it succeeded, and contacted a cosmic horror of incomprehensible size, scale, and power. Hulphlocke, unable to even understand the grandeur of the Sixth Dimension, retreated back to the Qapitolium; but alas, when it returned, the Qapitolium Quards were waiting- they had seen everything.

First Impeachment

Hulphlocke was impeached by the Exogalactic Bin Shit Supercouncil, with 14 Quadrillion 'Yay' votes and 7 Trillion 'Nay' votes. Two Celestotrobes abstained from voting, although this may have been due to their unfortunate imprisonment in the Ob Fluctuational Playroom.

Hulphlocke was removed from office. A new entity, a dark matter void by the name of "Richard Mark Hernandez II" (No relation to Rick Hernia) took the throne, and ruled for seventy-plorky Sippleseconds, before being executed by a Vidge Plip during a Quasi-Momentous Qapitolic Qoup. Several Sippleseconds later, Hulphlocke was reinstated, and the full merits of Chairzog were returned to him.

Ig Serroid

Ig Serroid were displeased.

Hulphlocke began speaking openly about his encounters with Ed Wool and the Sixth Dimension during his second term. The Ig Serroid (Then the leading authorities in the Fourth through Ninth Dimensions on Universal Truth) allowed this for a time, however, when Hulphlocke theorized that there were other Universes and Realms outside of the Nine Dimensions, and declared that the Universe was in fact an Omniverse, the Ig Serroid had had enough.

Revenge of Ig Serroid

Ig Serroid were highly displeased with Hulphlocke. After fifty trillion Quantominels of attempting to dismantle the Chairzogdom, they had ultimately failed, and Hulphlocke had been reinstated. Ig Serroid began plotting a permanent expulsion of Hulphlocke. To do this, they knew they would abuse Hulphlocke's fourth-dimensional nature, and twist it to their advantage.

Ig Serroid began formulating a wretched Dimension-shattering plot, involving a horrific artifact of Omniversal Heinousness from the Third Dimension- The Improbability Drive.

Ig Serroid performed a grand-scale duplication glitch with this Improbability Drive, resulting in roughly Fifty Quintrillion of the Omniverse-breaking drives being placed in the Fourth Dimension.

The Fourth Dimension fucking collapsed, and all matter which had existed within it completely ceased to exist. When Hulphlocke learned what had happened to its home, it rushed to its office at the Qapitolium, only to find Ig Serroid waiting. They framed Hulphlocke for destroying the Fourth Dimension, citing it was the only member of the Bin Shit Council to have originated in this realm.

Second Impeachment

The Supercouncil believed this, and ultimately, Hulphlocke was tried and impeached, once again, only this time, it was obliterated and compacted into a single atom of mass. Hulphlocke was then transported through a Quantum tunnel back to the dawn of the Omniverse, and was injected directly into the center of the Legume, where it would remain, dormant, for the rest of Eternity, imprisoned permanently, with no capabilities other than thought, inside the Legume itself.