Bombing of Columbus: Difference between revisions
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{{Event|title=Battle|date=January 6th, 21 B.B.|location=Columbus, Ohio}} | {{Event|title=Battle|date=January 6th, 21 B.B.|location=Columbus, Ohio}} | ||
[[File:Hahacolumbusexplode.png|thumb|Columbus 5 seconds after the Nuclear Pumpkin was detonated. If you look closely, you can see Jezebel's children.]] | [[File:Hahacolumbusexplode.png|thumb|Columbus 5 seconds after the Nuclear Pumpkin was detonated. If you look closely, you can see Jezebel's children.]] | ||
The Bombing of [[Columbus, Ohio|Columbus]] was a large-scale Nuclear tragedy that occurred near the | The Bombing of [[Columbus, Ohio|Columbus]] was a large-scale Nuclear tragedy that occurred near the end of the [[The great META war|Great META War]]. General Reggie Fils-Aime led the US Army. The [[Combine]]'s [[Wallace Breen|Corporal Wallace Breen]] led the opposition. | ||
The U.S. Army was on it's way to [[Columbus, Ohio|Columbus]] on a mission to annex [[Ohio]], after the country had seceded several years prior. Ohio and it's interdimensional allies, the [[Combine|Combine,]] wanted Ohio to remain sovereign. | The U.S. Army was on it's way to [[Columbus, Ohio|Columbus]] on a mission to annex [[Ohio]], after the country had seceded several years prior. Ohio and it's interdimensional allies, the [[Combine|Combine,]] wanted Ohio to remain sovereign. | ||
Revision as of 05:19, 19 July 2022
The Bombing of Columbus was a large-scale Nuclear tragedy that occurred near the end of the Great META War. General Reggie Fils-Aime led the US Army. The Combine's Corporal Wallace Breen led the opposition.
The U.S. Army was on it's way to Columbus on a mission to annex Ohio, after the country had seceded several years prior. Ohio and it's interdimensional allies, the Combine, wanted Ohio to remain sovereign.
Combine general Wallace Breen assaulted captive American troops with his violent Scorched Cock Policy, a trail of pain which began from his deployment in Washington D.C. It consisted of the burning and preparing of the male genetalia in a manner similar to that of the popular American sausage food, Hot Dogs.
The U.S. Army lost over 400 men in the first day of their invasion of Columbus. In an effort to preserve more men's livelihoods, General Fils-Aime made the difficult decision to withdraw from Columbus; the U.S. army retreated to Cleveland. From there, General Fils-Aime ordered his troops to release the Nuclear Pumpkin. After the detonation, a massive rainbow sighting was reported by the Pennsylvania Mad Men. Corporal Breen was killed in the explosion, as well as many innocent Ohioans; however, since Ohio was an enemy of America, that did not matter.
The Titanic III
The deadly Nuclear Pumpkin destroyed the entire city, causing such damage that Lake Erie expanded to combine with Lake Michigan, the two converging on the newly formed Columbus Bay. This newly formed radioactive dystopian marshland gave rise to the Combine Naval Terrorism Headquarters. The Titanic III was constructed in Lake Huron and sent to Columbus, to be used as this new HQ. The warship was equipped with Anti-Male laser technology a few weeks after its creation. Shortly thereafter, it was equipped with titanium alloy tank treads. The Ironclad of the East, as they called it, became notorious for creeping over hills, like a Jawa Sandcrawler, and shooting Meat substitutes and alternatives into their enemies with deadly force.