Hank Schrader
More actions
Hank Schrader was a DEA Agent who worked within the city of Albuquerque, New Mexico, fighting the rampant gang violence and cartel activities which plagued the area. After his death, his corpse served as Grand Chim Ding King of the Plutonian Soullean Zombie Hoodluck Chim Ding Factorium.
Early Life
Hank was born and raised in the city of Albuquerque, New Mexico, by his parents Regina and Blathersby. Blathersby was a police officer, and, when his son Hank was old enough, he began bringing him along to drug stings. Hank was fascinated by this, and desired strongly to follow in his father's footstep (Blathersby had only one foot, so we felt in innappropriate to write 'footsteps').
High School Crush
Hank met his wife, and lifelong romantic partner, Marie Lambert (later, Schrader), when he attended High School. In Chemistry class, Hank and Marie were partners, and Hank was fascinated by her bizarre obsession with purple. Hank made her a Prom Sign on purple construction paper, and Marie happily accepted. The two attended prom, and fell deeply in love with one another.
| Hank Schrader | |
|---|---|
| Aliases | ASAC Schrader
Ballsack Schrader (Derogatory) Grand Chim Ding Zombie King |
| Relatives | Marie Schrader (Wife)
|
| Affiliation | Federal Bureau of Investigations - FBI - (US)
Drug Enforcement Agency - DEA - (US) Bureau of Drug Solicitation and Misuse - BDSM- (WE) Plutonian Soullean Zombie Hoodluck Chim Ding Factorium - SZHCDF - Unaligned |
| Occupation | Special Agent ASAC |
| Biographical information | |
| Marital status | Marie Schrader, m. 32 B.B. |
| Date of birth | March 1, 54 BB |
| Place of birth | Albuquerque, New Mexico |
| Date of death | November 6th, 5 AB |
| Place of death | Albuquerque Black Hole Cluster |
| Physical description | |
| Species | Human |
| Gender | Male |
| Height | 5'10 |
| Weight | 201 lbs |
| Eye color | Hazel |
| Appearances | |
Great META War
Unfortunately for the couple, the Grand Factorium of tremendous death and suffering, the Great META War, was occurring simultaneously with their whirlwind romance. Hank made the difficult decision not to enter the war as an American Soldier, wishing instead to have a chance at living out a normal life with his soulmate. Unfortunately, the American Military Complex disagreed with him, and he was drafted and placed under the command of General Reggie Fils-Aime.
Fils-Aime and his battalion were deployed to the eastern border of Indiana, and began a vicious campaign to reach the city of Columbus, the heart of Combine-aligned breakaway country, Ohio. This began the Invasion of Ohio, which would last nearly fifteen years.
Nuclear Pumpkin Factorium
By early 21 B.B, the weary troops of Reggie Fils-Aime, who had been fighting the seemingly limitless plague of Combine forces for nearly fifteen years, had finally breached the perimeter of Columbus. Unfortunately for them, the vile Corporal Wallace Breen and his wretched Scorched Cock Policy awaited them beyond the city walls. 400 American troops were slaughtered and tortured by the Combine in this fashion.
Hank stood in the midst of his screaming and writhing comrades, whose appendages had been grilled like the popular American hot dog food. He watched over thirty of his friends die within five minutes.
General Fils-Aime ordered a full retreat, and the U.S. soldiers held a rendezvous in Cleveland. After consulting with U.S. President Bill Clinton, as well as the Chairman of the Board, James Fuck, Reggie made the difficult decision to deploy Jezebel's homegrown Nuclear Pumpkin.
Reggie may have made the order, but Hank was the man who pressed the button.
The light from the explosion was said to have been seen on the Moon. Corporal Wallace Breen, as well as millions of other life forms, both American and Combine aligned, perished in this terrible tragedy.
Return to Albuquerque
Hank was discharged honorably by the Board of Waifuria for his bravery after this severely traumatic event, as were the rest of General Fils-Aime's men. Hank returned home to Albuquerque with severe PTSD and traumatic memories.
Severe Trauma
Hank was not the same man he had been when he'd gone into war, fifteen years ago. When Marie asked him to dinner, he declined, not wanting her to see what had become of him. He called her and told her that she should find someone else to love.
Hank fell into a deep depression. He watched the news of the ongoing, ceaseless war and suffering, and wondered to himself, what had he accomplished? He had fought for fifteen years to reach Columbus, only to run away and use a weapon which ended the lives of millions of people. Hank saw himself as an accessory to each and every one of these murders.
When Reggie paraded around the country giving speeches about their valiant efforts, preaching his delivering the Combine 'Justice', Hank was disgusted. This was not justice. This was bloodshed.