Drown Paul Initiative

The drown Paul Initiative, a horrible initiative, was an initiative put forth by the Reagan Administration in 39 BB, with the sole mission of, as the name suggests, drowning Paul.

Mission Status

Paul was drowned.

Post-Drowning

Paul's lifeless corpse was discovered on Playalinda Beach on the western coast of Florida on October 4, 39 BB. A group of evangelical Christians discovered his body, and brought this unknown man to the holy church, where he was lathered in balm and prepared for a funeral. As was Christian custom, Paul was provided with a snub nose revolver before being placed in the coffin. However, this ceremony was abruptly halted with the arrival of the Witch Doctress, Granny Twoface.

Granny Twoface attacked and ate the evangelicals, before approaching Paul. She gently rested her gnarled, purple hand on the young man's forehead, infusing him with strange balloon juice which inflated his skin with massive boils and bubbles. Paul, miraculously, awoke from his death, his soul being wrenched violently back to Earth from the Nowhere, and he began screaming at the horrendous state of his body. Granny Twoface shushed him, and carefully placed an apple in his jaw, before jamming her fingers into his eye sockets (destroying his eyes) and infusing his brain with Ancient Magicks.

Paul suddenly stopped screaming, and thrust his fist up at Granny Twoface's left head with inhumane speeds. This head was obliterated, infuriating Granny Twoface (who was now Granny Oneface). Although his eyes had been destroyed, Paul began seeing everything with a newfound clarity, and was privy to the Fifth-Dimensionals milling about the church. This infuriated Paul, and he ran, screaming, towards, them, and began attacking the Fifth-Dimensionals with an insane speed and power that was impossible to achieve for mere mortals.

Great Tribulation

Now, Granny Twoface began laughing wickedly, for her mission was a success. Ig Serroid arrived and retrieved her from the room, leaving Paul alone amongst the dead bodies of fifty-thousand fifth-dimensionals.

Paul was furious, now, and had the powers of a Sixth Dimensional while existing on the Third Plane. Paul was determined to discover who was responsible for his untimely drowning, and returned to the place of his drowning, in Dusterly, Ontario.

Well, Paul was shocked to discover CIA operatives working inside of a small shack near his 'death' site, and vaporized them all with a single glance. Paul deduced that the US Government had, in fact, conspired against him. Now, it was personal.

Calamitous Consequences

Not only had Ronald Reagan's administration colluded with Nicaraguan Banana cartels, not only had they had questionable dealings with the Belize Orangutang Militia, but Reagan's administration was also working closely with the transdimensional time overlords, Ig Serroid. But Ig Serroid had grown displeased with Reagan's trickle-down economics (which had not worked) and now wanted him gone. And thanks to the work of Granny Twoface, Paul was just the man to do it.

Reagan was finishing a speech outside of a Washington DC hotel, and was returning to his limosine, when Paul appeared in the skies above DC. A blazing, furious flame of incomprehensible energies, Paul reared back his hands, and prepared to cast a horrific, boneshattering spell. Reagan commented on the sun feeling brighter than usual, and looked up just in time to see a blinding flash of white light exploding towards him. Now, Reagan, seeing no other choice, was forced to result to his last resort- his Trump Card.

Trump Card

Reagan extended the small trading card outwards towards the blaze, just in time, and a great burst of Magarrish energy screamed off of his body, repelling Paul's blast and sending it shooting back towards the man-turned-menace. In his last action, Paul removed the Church's revolver from his belt and shot at Reagan, striking him in the stomach. Reagan's Magarrish blast enveloped Paul and obliterated the transdimensional, lifting Granny Twoface's blessing and sending Paul's now-lifeless corpse rushing down to the pavement, which it collided with and exploded on. Reagan chuckled and dove into the limosine; but, he noticed, he had sustained a gunshot wound to his body. He would soon resign from office, appointing his Vice President, George H.W. Bush, to the Oval Office in his place.

Ig Serroid's Rage

Ig Serroid were furious with Reagan's survival, but their rage subsided after he clipped out of bounds in 34 BB and into the micro-reality of the Hypnofield. This pleased Ig Serroid, and all was well with the Omniverse.