The Governor
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| Baron Vladimir Vardonnen | |
|---|---|
| Aliases | The Governor |
| Relatives | Ig Serroid (Dimensionspawn) |
| Affiliation | Ig Serroid, Vardonna, Waifurian Empire |
| Occupation | Politician; Dimension-Shifter |
| Biographical information | |
| Marital status | Lieutazol Vardonnen |
| Date of birth | 04/30/14,320,001 BB |
| Place of birth | BLAMPIST-1 G (Vardonna) |
| Date of death | 09/12/999,991 AB |
| Place of death | BLAMPIST-1 C |
| Physical description | |
| Species | Vardonmen |
| Gender | Male |
| Height | 5'2 |
| Weight | 210 |
| Eye color | Black |
| Appearances | |
Baron Vladimir Vardonnen, known broadly as 'the Governor', was the half-blooded legislative monarch of the portal world BLAMPIST-1 G (later known as Vardonna) and an avid anti-imperialist. Born to an Ig Serroid father and a Vardonnen mother, the Queen Vardonna, Vladimir was hailed as a messiah to the people of BLAMPIST-1 G, and thusly ruled as their leader for eons, until his eventual deposition at the hands of Rick Hernia during the Five War.
Political Intrigue
After the Waifurian Civil War, the BLAMPIST-1 system asserted, for the first time in millenia, sovereignty over their lush and resource-rich solar system. After the cataclysmic loss of life in both the Second Great META War and Waifurian Civil War, the people of the BLAMPIST-1 system, ravaged by Combine sneak attacks and supply line cuts, were sick of the Waifurian Empire's inability to properly govern. Not to mention the recent relocation of the enemy Andromeda galaxy to the Milky Way's doorstep at the hands of, in the Governor's words, "the bloodthirsty metaphysical tyrant Rick Hernia".
So, Baron Vladimir Vardonnen and Blamper Shah Oora Malgone of BLAMPIST-1 D led a nationalist 'Free Worlds' movement, which gained traction in the seven-planet system. By 20,034 AB, all six civilized planets, as well as a bacterium delegation from BLAMPIST-1 F, voted unanimously to oust the Waifurian Occupying forces, whether by diplomatic means or otherwise.
Then Blampisto-Waifurian Consulate-Superdelegate Marvin Fluxton was unable or unwilling to recognize the Blampistian Council's secessionary declaration. So, they elected to take matters into their own hands, with the Blampistians, Fremen, Blampers and Vardonnens pooling their resources to assemble what would become the third-largest fleet in the Omniverse at the time- after the Waifurian Empire and Bob Clay, of course. This fleet formed a perimeter around the resource-rich core world BLAMPIST-1 C (otherwise known as Arrakis) and physically prevented Waifurian transports from entering the airspace. Fluxton, agitated by this maneuver, threatened to fire upon the Blampistian ships.
The Governor promptly informed Fluxton that if a single laser bolt were to be fired upon him or any of his ships, that the Waifurian fleet would immediately be decimated by a solar flarestorm of BLAMPIST-1 herself. Fluxton called this a bluff. An unfortunate blunder for the Mummy's right-hand man to make, as BLAMPIST-1 was more than willing to exude a harsh solar flare and lashed the corona plasma out like a whip, slicing straight through Fluxton's command bridge. Fluxton barely escaped with his life.
FLuxton returned to the newly-built Military Gigafacility Fort Raxus on Ghetsin 3, constructed with portions of COCKscrap in a field several miles away from the Temple of Rannjoe, and the Mummy ordered him to order his commanders to order a full retreat from the BLAMPIST-1 system.